Personally, I cannot see why a person’s gender should be a deciding factor re how we meet up/spend time together. I know that other people feel differently. (I also think this may vary depending on people's backgrounds/cultures. I might be seen as a wildly liberal European.)
Try to think about why it makes you feel uncomfortable. If it is because you do not feel secure enough in your relationship, then maybe you need to address that?
Because in these types of situations, the temptation to do what comes naturally always looms. If the boyfriend takes his relationship seriously, he should avoid this visit and only see the friend in mixed company or in the presence of his girlfriend. It is not insecure of the gf to be concerned.
I don't know. To me, it does not "come naturally" to hop into bed with most of my friends. It honestly wouldn't even occur to me.
Now, about the lady who invited the OP's boyfriend. It does seem like she is aiming more for an evening together than for just to get the whateveritis attached to the ceiling. It seems quite possible to me, though, that what she is looking for is some company and a nice evening and morning of chatting and being together as friends. If the person who had invited him was male, would this scenario (hey, come over to help me fix something to my ceiling and watch a movie and crash on my couch so I can treat you to breakfast in the morning so we can chat some more) seem inappropriate?
On the other hand, it is also quite possible that she *is* aiming to win the boyfriend for herself. So, let her try. This can either result in the boyfriend choosing her. If he does that, then he is not meant for you. Or it can result in him rejecting her and choosing for you
You can't claim people as your own. They have to choose to be with you.
It's quite possible that she just trying to get an evening with a friend and has no other intentions...but she (or he if that's the case) doesn't need the ruse of "I don't know if the hanging thing will take too long, so let's just plan on having you sleep over." And, I am a little skeptical on why the BF had to emphasize the "yes, as long as I stay on the couch." 1. If he's doing that for the OPs benefit, then he obviously understands that this would make her uncomfortable and he should talk to her about it directly. 2. If he had to use that caveat with her, then something is wrong.
In general, I'm not a jealous person and on the surface, I see nothing wrong with two friends of the opposite sex spending so much alone time together. But, especially given the background, this does seem off. The OP is clearly uncomfortable and she needs to talk to him about this. Also, if this is a case where the BF wouldn't be tempted, but there's doubt about the woman's intention, then he needs to be smart and considerate enough to not put himself in questionable situations with her. Even though I can never see myself with any man other than my DH, if I knew a male friend had a crush on me, I'd temper our time and purposely not be alone with him for too long.
As far as etiquette is concerned her BF and his friend are doing nothing wrong. Etiquette can now help the OP approach her BF about why this bothers her and foster communication between them so they can work out a solution where the BF gets to spend time with his long time friend and the OP is comfortable with the nature of that time and secure enough in their rel
ationship not to question that time.
It's true that the OP doesn't own him and she can't tell him what to do. But, they are in a long term rel
ationship. She has every right to talk to him about this and let him know that she's uncomfortable with it and why. And as her BF, I feel he is obligated to listen to her and help her through this. If these are things that he says he's going to do his way regardless of how his GF feels about it, then they don't need to be together.
