MIA friends and Facebook.

[diesel_darlin]

Hello everyone!

I'm having some trouble figuring out what I should do.

I had a friend that I have known in real life for many years. We are no longer friends, but we hang out in some of the same fb groups that were made due to a site we frequented being shut down.

My problem is, the people from the group are messaging me trying to get in touch with friend.

Friend hasn't posted in the group in a few days, and people are starting to become concerned about her. She has posted about some heath issues.

The people from the group are asking for her phone number. Yes, I have it. But I am less than comfortable with the idea of giving it out.

I don't want the backlash of giving a number out that I wasn't supposed to, but on the other hand, I know these people are worried about her.


What would y'all do?



Sorry about goofy formatting. I'm on my phone.

[LB]

Can you try calling her yourself?

[CakeBeret]

Can you contact the friend yourself and let her know that others are asking about her?

I would not give out her number, no.

[diesel_darlin]

She gave me the cut direct when I got married, so she doesn't respond to any attempt made by me to reach her.

[Jones]

"Sorry, I only have her old number."


Because really, what confirmation do you have that the number you have is accurate? If she cut you off, she could very well have changed her number to avoid you too.

[LB]

She gave me the cut direct when I got married, so she doesn't respond to any attempt made by me to reach her.

Then I would definitely not give out her number. Just tell people you are not in contact with her.

[diesel_darlin]

Jones, you have a point. She only has a landline and has had the same number for over 20 years. While it's unlikely her number has changed, it is still a possibility.

LB, I guess that's what I'm going to have to say. This person has messaged me several times, and I've yet to answer her. She's getting persistent and just sending ?? instead of an actual message. She said that she had friends address and real name and that I should go ahead and give her the number as well.

I personally think that if friend wanted her number out there she would have put it out there herself.

[LB]

Jones, you have a point. She only has a landline and has had the same number for over 20 years. While it's unlikely her number has changed, it is still a possibility.

LB, I guess that's what I'm going to have to say. This person has messaged me several times, and I've yet to answer her. She's getting persistent and just sending ?? instead of an actual message. She said that she had friends address and real name and that I should go ahead and give her the number as well.

I personally think that if friend wanted her number out there she would have put it out there herself.

Yes.

Just because she says she has your friends name and address, that still doesn't make her phone number yours to give out. If the messenger is that determined, she can send your friend a letter, since she has her address.

[DavidH]

I would not give out her number.  I see a couple of options.  You could try contacting her if you want to, but I understand why from your post that is not a good option.  You could get the person asking for her number's phone number and leave that as a message for former friend, but it has the same problem as the first option.  You could suggest to the person asking for the number to try directory assistance or one of many ways on the web to look up a phone number when you have a name and address.  I agree with everyone that giving out her phone number without her permission is not the right way to go.

[diesel_darlin]

The person trying to reach friend is in another country, so even if I did leave a message with the phone number, she wouldn't use it because of long distance charges.

I promise I'm not trying to be difficult, friend is very set in her ways. She wouldn't even call me even though I have a number from her calling area. I always had to call her. Her constant needy and demanding attitude and my unwillingness to continue to acquiesce to those demands were the reason behind her giving me the cut direct.

I just feel like I would be dragged into the middle of a mess that I want nothing to do with.

Should I continue to ignore this persons requests, or respond?

[Queen of Clubs]

Should I continue to ignore this persons requests, or respond?

I'd respond and tell her if she wants to get in touch with Friend to send her a letter.  If she continues contacting you after that, can you block her?  If not, I'd either send her another message saying "Stop asking me," or I'd just ignore her.  I think you're right to not give out your ex-friend's phone number.

If this mutual person wants to get in touch with Friend that badly, a letter should suffice.

[FoxPaws]

Dear Busybody,
As you have known Friend for [however long], you know how she feels regarding her privacy. For this reason I will neither give you her number, nor contact her on your behalf. Please find another method of getting in touch with her. I will not be put in the middle of this. Thank you.

Next attempt at asking you gets a defriend and block.

[diesel_darlin]

Queen of Clubs, I agree. A letter would have made it across the pond in the time she has taken to wait on my reply.

FoxPaws, I like that.

[blarg314]

If she's given you the cut direct, she doesn't want you in her life. Under those circumstances, you can neither phone her yourself, or give out her contact information.

[diesel_darlin]

If she's given you the cut direct, she doesn't want you in her life. Under those circumstances, you can neither phone her yourself, or give out her contact information.

I agree with this 10000%.

I do have to admit that I would feel terrible if friend is MIA due to illness or something worse, and people could have reached her if I would have just given out her phone number. But a strong voice in my gut is saying NO NO ABSOLUTELY NO. Not to mention the posters in this topic echoing my gut feeling. 

Im on the computer now and can quote. Yay