Author Topic: Guest with intent to embarrass?  (Read 14293 times)

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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #30 on: July 23, 2012, 10:09:12 AM »
The mike has to be plugged into the sound system somewhere, right?  So if you have a really good DJ/MC, get them to pull the plug if someone who isn't supposed to get the mike manages to get their paws on it.  So while they may still be able to tell their embarrassing stories, they won't be able to do it amplified!
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

Thipu1

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #31 on: July 23, 2012, 10:56:50 AM »
Has anyone ever considered telling Anna that she should, 'lighten up' on HER demands to present these embarrassing anecdotes about your larval stages? 




Venus193

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #32 on: July 23, 2012, 11:03:28 AM »
Has anyone ever considered telling Anna that she should, 'lighten up' on HER demands to present these embarrassing anecdotes about your larval stages?

Brava!

It has been my experience that people who do this do it as a power trip.

ShanghaiJill

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #33 on: July 23, 2012, 11:05:22 AM »
No advice, but it just stuns me to think that someone would intentionally ruin someone's wedding day for one's own purposes.


penelope2017

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #34 on: July 23, 2012, 11:34:21 AM »
What is the mic situation? Do you have a band leader, catering manager, something like that? Where is your wedding being held?

You just tell that person that the mic needs to be managed. I've done that. we had some chic decide to tell the band at our wedding we loved some song that i actually hate because she was in a band and wanted a chance to sing in front of a crowd. I learned my lesson. ever since then i always tell my friends and family you have to instruct who ever has control of the mic all decisions need to go through you.

Talk to these people NOW. there should be no reason she gets a microphone at all.

weeblewobble

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #35 on: July 23, 2012, 11:44:17 AM »
I would have a really hard time inviting a wedding guest who was insistent that they planned to embarrass me despite my objections.  You say you really don't want to leave her off of the guest list because of this, so you have two options.

1) Accept that this boorish woman is going to do as she pleases and ignore her.

2) Appoint a "babysitter" who bean dips her every time she starts in on a story about Teal Dragon and keeps her away from the mic.

Personally, I would not invite her.  You've asked her very politely not to do something unnecessary because it embarrasses you.  She insists she's going to do it anyway because it makes HER happy.  This person doesn't have your best interests at heart.  She doesn't care about your feelings.  I would give myself the gift of not having one more thing to worry about on my wedding day.

taffywduck

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #36 on: July 23, 2012, 12:06:29 PM »
Sigh... this sounds quite familiar as my family is also very big on the "let's humiliate and shame Taffywduck for fun and then we can tell her how unreasonable she's being!"

I have no solution to offer other than to be quite firm and have the DJ bodyslam Anna if she ever gets within grabbing distance of the mic... I'm only half joking too!

Seriously though, be firm in your refusal of having Anna make a spectacle at your reception and let it be known that there will be no lightening up about this issue. Ever.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #37 on: July 23, 2012, 12:11:44 PM »
I think I'd have a face to face with Anna, if possible.  And lay it on the line.

Anna, I do not want to feel humiliated and embarrassed, particularly on my wedding day.  You telling me to 'Lighten up' just makes me feel disrespected.  Frankly, your attitude is making me lose respect for you.  If you are insistent that you are going to tell these stories, I will have no choice but to not invite you.  And if you promise me you won't tell these stories, I will hold you to that promise.  If you do tell them, (you will be escorted out of the reception/I will never speak to you again/whatever threat you are willing to make and stick to).

Once she sees you are completely serious about this, she may change her tune.  And if she doesn't, at least you tried and you'll have a plan in place for dealing with her and any others who may wish to embarrass you.

I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

Cami

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #38 on: July 23, 2012, 12:25:02 PM »
As a former bridal consultant, I've dealt with people like Anna before. My advice: Don't invite her.

I remember telling a bride that, "If you invite him, in his mind, you are giving him implicit permission to do as he pleases or he's now going to make it his mission to do as he pleases." The bride did not take  my advice and invited her. What happened? While the dj had been instructed to unplug the mike if he saw this man coming, the  man then simply went around from table to table telling the stories and then eventually found someone else to go up to the mike and tell the story for him.

Don't invite her. 
« Last Edit: July 23, 2012, 04:07:43 PM by Cami »

CharlieBraun

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #39 on: July 23, 2012, 12:53:37 PM »
I believe in the written word.

I believe that you need to write a letter to this person and restate what you said.

1.  You have a history of telling these stories.
2.  My wedding is neither the time or the place for them.
3.  I am giving serious consideration to who I wish to be with me to celebrate my happiness, and since you have been made aware that the retelling of these stories gives rise to misery for me, you may wish to know that your presence is most definitely an item that is under serious consideration.

And 100% - closed mic.
"We ate the pies."

cookiehappy

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #40 on: July 23, 2012, 02:12:01 PM »
Something similar (almost) happened at a wedding I was a part of last year.

The groom's mother fancied herself quite the songstress and was intending on singing a song to her son at the reception.  She said this was her tribute to him for being a good guy taking on the the bride and "all her kids".  All family members knew the MOG could not carry a tune in a tupperware container.  Some family tried to dissuade her, others thought it'd be a funny thing to happen.  Every opportunity the MOG got, she announced she was singing the tribute song to her son.  And each time, the bride and groom told her no.

Wedding day, MOG was in the dressing room in the mirror doing voice exercises.  We all just kept getting ready for the ceremony.

Reception time came around.   I don't know who was responsible, but there was ONE mic.  And the mic stayed at the DJ table with the DJ handing it off to those pre-approved for speeches, who, by the way, were called up to the DJ table.  Once all speeches were done, MOG walks to the DJ table and you could see her asking for the mic.  The DJ shook his head no and pointed to the head table.

I say have a final talk with this woman.  If she is insistent on telling the hurtful stories, either do not invite her or assign someone (not in the family) to be the mic keeper and to not let her near it.

PeterM

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #41 on: July 23, 2012, 02:18:09 PM »
Wow, it turns out that posting this topic has been very helpful and enlightening! My parents are also big on the public embarrassment game. Everyone in my family is very loud and boisterous and thinks everything is funny all the time, but I've always been shy and quiet and kind of weird, so we have always tended to see certain subjects very differently. I will definitely be using some of these wordings with a couple of people in my life. I foresee most of these conversations going well and not being a big deal, but a couple are probably going to be tougher.

With the more reasonable people, it  might help to at least pretend to meet them halfway. You can tell them that you know they think the stories are funny, and that you should lighten up, but you don't feel that way, and there's no chance you're going to suddenly feel that way before your wedding day. So even if they think you're being unreasonable, you're asking them to do as you wish so that you enjoy your wedding day as much as possible, hang-ups and all.

You're not asking them to do something they don't want to do, which would quite possibly be inappropriate. You're asking them to refrain from doing something they want to do. Given that it's your wedding day, and I assume your fiance agrees with you, I don't think anyone can reasonably see that as an inappropriate request. If anyone does refuse, or worse agrees and then humiliates you anyway, then you know how important you are to them and should lead your life accordingly.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #42 on: July 23, 2012, 02:27:20 PM »
Anna has been a friend of my parents for 30 years and has been included in many family holidays and when my dad owned his own business, she worked for him for 10 years and I worked with her for 6 of those years. She babysat me frequently as a child and I have babysat for her children. I really adore her and consider her like a favorite aunt.

I think that those calling for Anna's banishment need some perspective.  She is threatening to tell embarrassing stories, not engaging in dangerous or reckless behavior.  The OP has a good relationship with her.  She will have no relationship with Anna or seriously damage it, and possibly others, if she blacklists a close family friend from her wedding for what she might say.

If you don't invite Anna to your wedding, the fallout will be far more long-lasting and embarrassing than anything you might endure at your wedding.  Afterall, everyone who repeats the story will have to explain why Anna wasn't invited.

The advice to limit the open mic or the toasts are reasonable.  You simply cannot control everything that other people will say about you, anyway.  You can only control your reaction to it.  If she does repeat the stories, you might try, "Oh, that again," followed by a change of subject.  Have a face-to-face talk with her.  Ask her as a favor to you, not to repeat those stories. 

audrey1962

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #43 on: July 23, 2012, 02:49:36 PM »
On the flip side, I've never heard of an "open mic" reception. The concept is just foreign to me.

Venus193

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Re: Guest with intent to embarrass?
« Reply #44 on: July 23, 2012, 02:58:55 PM »
Anna needs to be muzzled, whatever that takes.

There is no way I would ever tolerate anyone telling embarrassing stuff about me at an event that includes my good friends, colleagues, and maybe my boss.  I'd read her the riot act well in advance and putting it in writing isn't a bad idea either.   

No open mike, and a wrangler at her table with backup if she starts to mingle.