But Lowspark, did you guys quit inviting her to girl's only stuff because you knew she wouldn't join?
Well, yeah. It became established that she wasn't interested in participating in social activities that didn't include her husband. Of course, I kept inviting her to social activities which did include both. Because really, how many times do you have to get "no" for an answer before you get it? I have had friends who pulled away by simply declining all invitations. After the nth
"no" you get the idea and stop inviting them, leaving the ball in their court if they really do want to get together agaiin. This is the same kind of thing.
She knew I was still involved in lots of girls only stuff. And when she decided she wanted to participate, she simply let me know. And she was automatically included again.
I just don't see the point in repeatedly issuing invitations to someone, anyone, who will always decline. It's an exercise in futility. At some point, you stop inviting them and figure it's up to them to make the reconnection. Now, in this case, I stopped inviting her to specific events I knew she wasn't interested in but didn't stop inviting her to couples things. And she did make the reconnection when she was ready.
In the OP's case, she can
invite Paul only. But based on what she has written about Olivia, I'd say there's a really good chance not only that the invitation will be declined but that Olivia, and probably Paul, will be offended.