General Etiquette > Life...in general
Am I on the hook to see this movie? Mentions the Aurora tragedy UPDATE post18
Kitty Hawk:
Speaking to a 12-year-old boy, I wouldn't say "something sad happened". That might work with a small child, but a 12-year-old most certainly knows exactly what happened.
Just be honest and say after the Aurora incident, you don't want to go see that movie in a theater, at least at this time.
O'Dell:
--- Quote from: Kitty Hawk on July 25, 2012, 08:35:45 AM ---Speaking to a 12-year-old boy, I wouldn't say "something sad happened". That might work with a small child, but a 12-year-old most certainly knows exactly what happened.
Just be honest and say after the Aurora incident, you don't want to go see that movie in a theater, at least at this time.
--- End quote ---
I agree with this. If you can offer to take him to the movie without checking with his parents because they trust you, then you can tell him you changed your mind and why. Use the wording you would with your own kids.
FoxPaws:
You know Bobby, at this point I don't think anybody in our family is interested in seeing this movie for awhile. If you really want to go, you're going to have to ask your own parents to take you.
If he asks, he can be told why - the Aurora shooting has left a bad taste in your mouths regarding this film and you wouldn't enjoy it and/or you're uncomfortable with being in crowded spaces right now. Twelve years is old enough for Bobby to be spoken to directly. It is also old enough to understand (or start learning) that plans can change due to circumstances.
Would you be willing to take the boys to a different movie? Maybe one that's been out longer so the crowds aren't as thick?
Hmmmmm:
--- Quote from: guihong on July 25, 2012, 01:55:36 AM ---Hi, all:
This dilemma involves DS12's good friend, the same one who often asks for something to eat when he's at my house. I cannot remember his pseudonym, so let's call him "Bobby". Bobby was born in India, but is very Americanized by now, if that's even relevant. His father is very fluent in English; his mother, though very nice, is not. That may or may not even matter.
Almost two weeks ago, the buzz in our house was of course the new Batman movie. I can't remember how it was said, but I could have said something in Bobby's presence like "When it comes out, I'll take DS and Bobby to a matinee". Then Bobby's family went out of town for two weekends, but when they were home during the week, Bobby would try to pin down when we were going to the movie. I just didn't know because it depended on how other plans panned out, plus DH was really interested but could only decide if he could sit through it on that day (he's recovering from an accident). Both DH and I were a little irritated, since DS didn't mention the movie too much and if it was so important to Bobby, we felt he could ask his own father to take him. Of course, the tragedy happened and now I have even less interest in going into a crowd, much less that movie. DS hasn't brought up seeing the movie either; he's very astute for his age and he might not even want to go anymore. Of course, Bobby keeps bringing up the durn movie.
Can I get out of this, and if so, how? Can I:
1. Say nothing, and hope it goes away?
2. Tell Bobby that something very sad happened and I'm not ready to go to a crowded theatre,
3. Approach Bobby's parents, give them reason #2, and let them take care of it,
Or am I on the hook?
ETA to change a poor choice of words
--- End quote ---
Your not on the hook. Cirumstances have change. He's 12. I'm sure he is well aware of the Aura tragedy. You just need to say. Bobby, we've changed our minds and have decided to no go see the movie right now. If you still want to go, you'll need to talk to your parents.
I did want to comment on another piece of your story. The bolded part. Because kids often want to see a movie together, Bobby was probably looking forward to going with your son. And he might even have felt he'd made a committment to your son to go see it with him. I know my kids at that age would have assumed a committment to your son. I can see where another friend or even his Dad might have suggested going to see the movie and he said "No, I've already told Bobby I'd go with him." I think the first time he brought it up and ya'lls plans were still up in the air, you should have said, "Bobby, we're not sure when we'll be going. You might want to check with your Dad or another friend if your wanting to go real soon."
I'm a little sensitive about this. It happened to my DD with one of her friend's mom over a Harry Potter movie. The mom loved HP as did her DD and my DD. The mom had made a point of saying to me that she'd take the girls. My DD turned down other opportunities to go, one with my DH an our son, to finally ask her friend about it a week after the opening to learn the family had ended up changing plans and didn't mention to DD. They assumed that since they hadn't made definate plans for a day and time, that DD would know the outing was off.
SleepyKitty:
Actually, my BF and I had planned to go see Batman in the theater once the hype had died down and we could go to a showing that wouldn't be too crowded. At this point, I have no desire to see this movie in the theater at all, ever. Watching it at home on DVD would be fine, but there is no way I could be in a theater watching this and not be thinking about the tragedy. Every gunshot on the screen would upset me. So I think you are completely fine with not wanting to go see this in the theater anymore.
I POD everyone who says to just let Bobby know in a straightforward way why you won't be going to see the movie anytime soon. I also think Hmmmm is right that you should let him know as soon as possible - call over to his house today, if you can, and give him a heads-up. That way he doesn't miss other opportunities, and he's not bugging you all the time about the movie.
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