General Etiquette > Life...in general

Leaving a volunteer group.

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LadyL:
I was invited to join a volunteer initiative by an acquaintance I know from the community, Laura. This initiative is a partnership between the arts group Laura runs, which is a large and well established community group, and a smaller upstart group run by Jan. The project they plan to collaborate on is based on getting a source of funding, collaborating together to get the community involved in a fairly modest starter project (which is why Laura invited me), and then making the project a sort of visible demonstration of "look how well we all work together, isn't this awesome" so they can fund raise to do bigger projects.

I didn't find out about the project meetings until the second one, which was led by Jan, but I was told it was an ideas session to come up with projects so LordL and I came ready with a loose sketch of a proposal. I checked with Laura ahead of time about what sort of ideas they wanted to make sure ours fit the parameters and everything. When we got there, Jan said we would do introductions and then talk about ideas, and that she'd start by introducing herself. Well, her "introduction" turned into an almost hour long ramble, mostly about herself. Then she said we would do some brainstorming - great! Except she proceeded to list *her* ideas on the board, explaining why they were all great, and if anyone raised their hand to add anything or speak she would quickly turn the dialogue back to herself. We attempted to speak up a few times, and whenever we did a group dialogue would break out, but Jan would quash it and bring the attention back to her each time. We ended up leaving  before the meeting ended because the session was getting dragged out to almost 3 hours and we were starving.

We skipped the next meeting figuring that was it for us, but then Laura specifically asked me to send her our proposal, and then she liked it a lot and asked us to present it at the decision meeting where they were going to choose a project. We showed up and Jan was there, and she came over to me and was asking odd questions about how I felt about the meeting I attended - I told her honestly that I was expecting more discussion and project planning - she then asked essentially if people were saying good or bad things about it/her on the internet, which was strange. We presented our project, and everyone loved it - except Jan, who kept raising weird objections that didn't make a ton of sense (she literally made up new criteria for the project on the spot and then decided ours didn't meet it). Regardless ours made it into the top 2 proposals.

After the meeting I asked about the funding source that Jan had repeatedly described as "a sure thing" (it was discussed at the first meeting that I didn't attend) and was told by her and Laura that there was more info on the website. I went on the website and from the financial reports, it seems that Jan may have vastly overstated how much funding is available, which means that all of our plans are completely unrealistic. I emailed Jan and Laura asking if there was more information about our specific partnership/funding source than what's on the web in case I was missing something and got no reply.  On the basis of this LordL and I are pretty sure we're going to drop out of the initiative all together.

My question: do I owe it to Laura or anyone to send a short note explaining that I will no longer be involved? I feel bad that we pitched a project that made it to "finalist status" and are then walking away, but it's also a volunteer group and we never discussed or committed to any particular level of involvement. I'm just the type of person who usually follows through 100%. I also get the distinct sense that Jan really doesn't like us because we detract from the level of attention she wants on her, or something, and she sees us as competitors instead of collaborators even though that makes no sense (there are more examples of her odd behavior during meetings that I haven't included). Some part of why our enthusiasm is dampened is that people like Jan can make these sorts of projects exhausting instead of rewarding, and her hype about the funding vs. what the financial statements indicate is also a red flag for me - is that something worth gently mentioning to Laura?

audrey1962:

--- Quote from: LadyL on July 25, 2012, 09:47:26 AM ---My question: do I owe it to Laura or anyone to send a short note explaining that I will no longer be involved?
--- End quote ---

Since Laura invited you, yes, send her a short note that you will no longer be involved. I would not go into the details though. Just keep it short and sweet, no excuses, otherwise, someone may feel challenged by them and try to talk you into staying.

Virg:
I have to disagree with audrey1962 about filling in the details.  At the least, Laura needs to know that Jan severely overstated the funding available and that can cut the legs out from under anything they try to do.  In your position, LadyL, I'd describe the problems with funding explicitly and only bring up the interpersonal problems with Jan if she asks you directly.  If Jan's actions were enough to drive you away (and you know they like your ideas since you're a finalist) then it's likely to drive others away as well and Laura deserves to know this because it's going to impact her group.  Heck, with your leaving it already has impacted her group.

Virg

Hmmmmm:

--- Quote from: Virg on July 25, 2012, 12:07:15 PM ---I have to disagree with audrey1962 about filling in the details.  At the least, Laura needs to know that Jan severely overstated the funding available and that can cut the legs out from under anything they try to do.  In your position, LadyL, I'd describe the problems with funding explicitly and only bring up the interpersonal problems with Jan if she asks you directly.  If Jan's actions were enough to drive you away (and you know they like your ideas since you're a finalist) then it's likely to drive others away as well and Laura deserves to know this because it's going to impact her group.  Heck, with your leaving it already has impacted her group.

Virg

--- End quote ---

I agree with this approach.  I think Laura deserves an explanation.  Otherwise, if you just say something like 'other committments are preventing our participation' Jan will start saying things like "well, see, they pitch an idea but don't have the gumption to see it through".

I'd tell Laura that after reading the finanical data, you don't see where funding is coming from for the idea that you pitched and it would be best for you table your participation at this time. 

WillyNilly:
I think you should definitely say something to Laura.  And while you might want to be a bit vague and brief I think its ok to straight up say you don't think you can work with Jan.  Between her assurances about funding and her monopolizing meetings and her weird interrogation of you, she really sounds like someone who needs to be marked down on her life report card, as it were, as "does not work well with others".

You might want to consider also just redirecting your efforts to a position where you let Laura know you are happy to work with her on the aspects pertaining to her larger and well established community group and steer clear of Jan and her upstart.

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