Hey singles-pets as part of the package deal when da[color=black]ting[/color] someone

[kingsrings]

Something happened to me recently that triggered this. A man expressed possbile romantic interest in me. We're definitely not seeing each other yet and I have no idea or expectations on what will happen or even if I am also interested in him. *So the point of this being on here is not to discuss myself and him specifically.*

One possible red flag is that he is deathly allergic to cats, and I have two of them! That led me to bring it on here just for general discussion about what us singles do when faced with dating and our pets. My cats are my precious, beloved fur children, and I couldn't imagine life without them. It's definitely a 'till death do us part situation, no matter what. This has caused problems in the past with relationships, some guys thinking that if I really loved them, I would find another home for my cats, and this is a deal-breaker. I won't part with my cats, then I don't love them, bye-bye. I am such a cat addict that I could never live my life without them present. When they live out their life span, then I just adopt more. My way of thinking is, these are my children, and you don't make someone give up their beloved children and thus break their heart and cause them sadness.

So what have been your experiences, ideas, opinions regarding this situation?

[Veronica]

The first time DH came over to my apartment one of his eyes completely swelled up and he could barely breathe.  I called my Mom and said, "this one isn't going to last long."  He kept coming back though and now we live together and he rarely has any sort of allergic reaction to my cat. 

It helps that we have a roomba that is always picking up fur, air purifier things and special filters on our vents. 

If he at any time shad aid it was him or the cat he (DH) would have been gone. 

[Shores]

I'm so hypocritical when it comes to this. No one would ever come between me and my cat (if I had one at the moment ) but I am, at this moment, seriously considering asking DF to give up one of his. It just wont stop peeing/pooping everywhere! We've tried everything! And we live in a TINY studio apartment, so the smell is horrible. So I dont know.... I would never let a man say "if you love me, you'll get rid of your cat" but I'm about to say "if you want me to live with you, you'll get rid of this cat".... maybe you better ask someone less hypocritical :S

[aline]

The first night I met my DH, he said three fateful words: "I hate dogs." I came very close to writing him off right there, but decided to wait a little while and see what happened if/when he met my dog. Turns out he really hadn't ever been around dogs, and he fell in love with my dog (and now pretty much every other dog on the face of the earth) in record time.

It may sound harsh, but there is NO WAY I would have continued to see him if he had decided he couldn't get along with her. She's my furchild and she's stuck with me until she dies (which of course is not allowed to be any sooner than I do. ) Now I think he's *almost* as attached to her as I am. :-D

That being said I have a couple of friends who are in relationships with someone who has allergies to the other person's pet. Both have been able to work it out, one with daily medication, and the other has to keep the cat shaved. Allergies run in varying degrees of course, but I think it can work out in some cases. 

[magicdomino]

The furballs and I are a package deal.  I've known too many cases where people gave up their pets for a lover who later dumps them.  Pets are more reliable.

Fortunately, the very fact that a man is unable or unwilling to pet my cats seems to be enough to keep me from becoming too attached to him.   There was one guy who kept asking me to marry him.  However, he wanted kids and was allergic to cats; I wanted cats and am allergic to kids.  I really don't think that marriage would have worked out.  

I have to admit, if a man was allergic and valued me so much that he would do whatever it took to handle the allergy, it would have won him some serious points. 

[kathrynne]

I've date several guys who were allergic to cats, but knew all along that the relationships could never actually go anywhere. For some reason, cat-allergic people seem drawn to cat lovers the way cats are drawn to the allergic and phobic.

If you want to love me, you must love my cats, my bird, the aquariums and my lousy housekeeping. We all go together or you can't get any of us (though if you want to clean, more power to ya!). I could no more live without my critters than without the frequent sarcastic comments and my sense of humor.

One of the many reasons DH and I got together was our mutual love of the "Three Cs." Cats, computers and coffee are essential to life.

[SeattleSuz]

My DH is allergic to cats and though I did have one when I met him, when we moved in together, I left Boz at my parents house.  After about a year, DH went out and BOUGHT me a Persian kitty to keep my company while he was at work.  He had allergic reactions to the cat, but we kept him anyway.  He just was not allowed in our room while we slept.  After we put him down, I was so devastated (he had stomach "cancer" and we were told that Persians are allergic to the feline leukemia shot) that he bought me another persian kitten.  Same thing, she stayed outside of our bedroom.  For some reason though, he did not have as bad an allergic reaction to Alexie.  He dealt with it, though, cuz he knew that I loved animals and needed a buddy.  He just kept his inhaler in a close proximity always.

I personally think that if it's meant to be, then your SO will adapt and learn ways around the allergy.  What about allergy shots?  Do you think that might help?

[kingsrings]

We're not dating yet and I don't know if we ever will be. I was just bringing it up here for general discussion amongst everyone.

[sparksals]

It's a package deal. Period. 

When I met dh in Korea, Kimchi was still very young. Kimchi now has Dh wrapped around his paw.  My room mates also had a dog that was not friendly to strangers, especially men.  I was astounded when Haggis immediately went up to DH the first time they met.  I knew I found a very kind hearted man because I am a very strong believer in the sense that dogs have. 

I dated guys who weren't animal lovers and they fizzled out fast.  If I have a pet, they come with me.  No if's, and's or but's.

[Samantha]

I almost didn't meet my ex, because he had a photo of his dog on his profile. I'm highly allergic to dogs (I have to make sure I'm well medicated before going to a friends house, if they have a dog).

I ended up meeting his dog, and fell in love with him (the dog - well, the owner too, but that didn't work out). I ended up moving in with the ex at one point, and I think the reason I was able to do so was because the dog wasn't allowed to sleep on the bed (but he could get up there occasionally), and because my ex took the dog to the groomers every 4 weeks for a bath. That helped considerably.

I know that I couldn't give up my cat for someone. Trouble is my baby!

[Buffy2424]

I share your opinion.  Besides the obvious, you wouldn't even want someone who cannot appreciate that level of love and commitment. 

[MadMadge43]

When BF and I first started dating he was allergic to my cats, but the more time he spent at my house, the better the symptons got. Now he has no allergies at all to them.

And he's even more obsessed about them than I am now.

[jimithing]

Does anyone watch "Confessions of a Matchmaker"?  There was a woman on there with this exact issue, last week.  She has 4 birds, 2 cats, and a couple of flying squirrels.  The woman hadn't had a relationship in a long time and men were always scared off by her extreme love of animals.  The matchmaker is very direct and to the point and told her that her love for animals is great but at what point to you sacrifice the love of a man for your animals?  With this particular woman, I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, she had so many animals because she was so afraid of rejection that the animals basically filled a void in her life and would never reject her.

She was set up on a date, with a hunter no less, and was instructed not to bring up the animals on the first date.  So, the guys mentions that he hunts and she actually handles it well, basically stating that she's not against hunting all together, but she would never do it. 

He asks if she has any animals, and instead of sort of sidestepping the question or changing the subject, she starts telling him exactly how many animals she has, telling him each of their names, etc.  The look on this guy's face was classic.  He immediately withdrew and that was a deal breaker. 

I think it's how you approach this. This woman was a bit extreme, but to talk about all of your animals on the first date, this guy basically pictured walking into a crazy cat lady's home that was a zoo.  It's going to come down to what you value most.  What if he's the love of your life and he happens to be deathly allergic to cats?  Would you choose your cats over him?  I think that if you give up normal, healthy adult relationships for an animal, then it's time to reassess what really it is you want and what's important to you.  They may not be mutually exclusive, but it may take a lot longer to find love.

*General "you", not you, Keenreader. 

[Dragonflymom]

Under normal circumstances, assuming its an average fairly well behaved pet that doesn't trash the house and the SO isn't seriously allergic to I'd say pets are a package deal.

But when FH's cat peed on the new thousand dollar couch I had purchased only three months before, and on mother's day no less, and it had to be re-upholstered, if he hadn't done the re-upholstering himself and gotten baby gates to keep the beast confined to the kitchen when we are gone so it doesn't do any further damage, I definitely would have asked him to get rid of it.  Him making jokes about the cat "blessing" my stuff everytime it threw up on things definitely did not help either.  The day I discovered the animal "blessed" my daughter's backpack just in time for school that morning I just about lost it.

[Animala]

For me a guy w/ cats is a deal breaker because I am very allergic.  Snakes and insects too, because I am scared of them.  I wouldn't give up my pets (currently 2 rats) for a guy, nor would I expect him to do so for me.

My SO is also allergic to cats and not particularly fond of animals although he has loved the ones he has had.  I think it is a case where he has been exposed to them as much.