Hey singles-pets as part of the package deal when da[color=black]ting[/color] someone

[BittyB]

Apparently out of the huge pile of gifts my friend had sitting out to give to people, the cat chooses to throw up all over mine!! I guess she was making a statement?

The statement is "I wuvs you!!!  I saved my BEST PUKE for you!!!" 

[dietcokeofevil]

DH and I have a rule "You can't try to change something about the other person, if it was something you knew about before we were married." 

[veryfluffy]

I got my cats after my then-SO was living with me. I told him I was getting two kittens, and it was up to him if he stayed or went. He stayed another couple of years, and our splitting up didn't have anything to do with the cats. When he moved out, they missed him more than I did. They are 13 now, and I still love them.

[Cyradis]

My doxie is part of my family. I wouldn't expect a prospective SO to adore her the way I do but there must be a mutual liking. I'd handle most of her care and grooming but a man who can't scratch her tummy occasionally or refill food and water dishes if necessary is not the man for me.

[Texas Mom]

We're not dating yet and I don't know if we ever will be. I was just bringing it up here for general discussion amongst everyone.

Don't get rid of the cats.

If you're the "right one," adjustments can be made.

That may involve air purifiers, daily vacuuming and even allergy testing/shots.

[Sirius]

When Mr. Sirius and I started dating, I had three cats.  They all took right to him, and he to them.  When someone came to my place to look at a car I had for sale and my male half-Ragdoll refused to have anything to do with him, I should have listened and not sold the car to this guy, because he abandoned it and I ended up having to take it over and straighten out the mess caused by what he did. 

Our animals can be very perceptive.  When I was in college my family had a beagle.  Samantha loved everybody and everyone loved her...until a friend of my sister's brought her latest date over to meet my sister.  Sammy refused to go anywhere near him, and instead sat in the corner and whfed at him.  If he came close to her she'd arooo.  We had no idea why she was acting like that, since she was usually very friendly.  Three days later the guy got drunk and beat my sister's friend up.  She came over to our house sporting a black eye and bruises, and told us, "I wish I'd listened to Sammy!"

[sempronialou]

There was a no option.  The pets were a packaged deal.  I would never part with my dachsie dog, and my husband would never part with his cats.  Fortunately we love each other's pets, so it was never a question.  He told me he was allergic to dogs, but he is fine around her.  Our biggest concern was getting 2 cats and a dog to live cohesively.  The cats were not happy when the dog was introduced.  There was much hissing, hair standing, growling coming from the cats.  My dog just sat there looking at them like, "what's your problem."  They all adapted pretty quickly and generally get along.  

[StillandSilent]

You would not believe the number of calls I get at work from people who want to dump animals because their new sweetie doesn't like them.  When I move out, I will likely be taking the Angry Puss with me,  and any man who dislikes him can keep on walking.    Puss deserves a family who loves him, not an owner who loves him and an owner who tolerates him to get in my good graces.

[tapperjockey]

We are a package deal..  I would never date a man if he couldn't be around my pets, they are a part of who I am.  So, to have me, you have to deal with the "Oscar" style of housekeeping, my aquarium, 2+ cats, dog (s), and my horse (s).   And I want someone who will be involved with them.  I like to play with my pets (especially my horses), and I wouldnt' have much time for someone whom wouldn't get a long with them.  Thankfully DF loves animals almost as much as I do

Edit:  To the person having problems with an amimal eliminating all over the place pm me.. There is a technique we are using at the rescue I volunteer at that has been working really well for a lot of our animals, that you may want to try. It's pretty easy, not too money consuming (no weird collars or anything to buy), and pretty fast (usually we have them redirected within a week or two in foster care.. sometimes up to a month, but those have all been cats surrendered bc of behaviours displayed after declawing.. arghh...).

[Gambitgirl]

if a guy hates my cat he's done. love me love my weird looking scraggly drooling feline! i'll send you to the pound before i'd ever send her LOL!

[hobish]

If someone else chose to just give in to their allergies instead of dealing with them, i would think it was they who were turning my cat/dog/pony/parrot/etc. into a deal-breaker, not me.

I think this is very unfair to say someone is "giving in" to their allergies and they are not dealing with them. I have severe allergic reactions to cats and I have asthma. I take medication, but it doesn't clear up all my symptoms. There is nothing wrong with me choosing to not feel sick all the time or be in constant respiratory distress so someone can have an animal. Therefore, I would choose not to date someone with a cat. I don't think I should be required to be on constant medication in order to be with someone!!

For me, my health is more important than a pet. And I love most animals!  When my brother was born he was severely asthmatic with many allergies, to the point of being hospitalized multiple times. My parents had horses. They chose to get rid of the horses rather than make their child suffer (just being around a parent who had been near the horse made him sick). I think health trumps a pet, even a beloved one.

You seem to have taken my comment rather personally - it was not an attack, nor was it directed specifically to you.

I also had really bad allergies and asthma when i was growing up, and had to be hospitalized a few times myself. Once i got older i went through the shot treatment, even though i was so afraid of shots that the dr. discontinued them after a while because i freaked out so badly every time. Every time i get a new pet i live on allergy medicine for about 2 months, and wait for it to eventually clear up as my system gets used to it, and it eventually does.

Now, granted, this is what i do in order to keep my pets; not in order to tolerate someone else's, but still. Had Gish had a short-haired dog when we started dating i would have at least attempted to deal with it before either breaking it off with him or telling him he had to lose his pet!

[Quesselin]

If someone else chose to just give in to their allergies instead of dealing with them, i would think it was they who were turning my cat/dog/pony/parrot/etc. into a deal-breaker, not me.

I'm glad your allergies are treatable/something you can live with. But not all allergies are. A friend of mine had a cat that she loved very much. Then she met a man she loved very much. Had she kept the cat, the man would have died.

Literally.

He went to a check up for his allergies, which includes checking lung function. The doctor turned pale as a sheet, said "Have you been hanging around cats or dogs?? Your lung function is down to 24% in one side, 41 in the other! Are you out of your mind, you've got to stay away from animals, you *know* that, this'll only get worse."
So my friend chose the man, obviously (to me). They got married recently and are expecting their first child this fall. The cat is now living with friends of the family and is very happy and content (and even more spoiled than he was before, which I didn't think possible  ).

[CatFanatic]

Mr Cat (who is not a fanatic) and I adopted Little Cat together. No allergies, no problem.

Cats and I are a package deal for sure, though. I've always been very clear about it.

If I did go loopy and gave up a cat for a SO, I'd just wind up resenting the SO.

StuckInCube, try putting lemon/orange oil in water and misting yourself with it. Cats hate the citrus scent.

[blarg314]

I do think that a lot of the people who dismiss allergies as 'something to get over' or regard it as a flimsy excuse, or something negotiable, haven't had serious allergies themselves.

I also have allergies, and medication helps mute the symptoms, as does regular housecleaning. They do not remove the symptoms - I still feel dragged out and tired even when the obvious symptoms such as sneezing, runny nose, hives, etc. are supressed.  It also depends where I am living. If my regular hay fever is minimal, I can tolerate cats better, if it is acting up, it's pure misery.  A fluffy cat in a small apartment with poor housekeeping will make me miserable enought that I can't last out an evening party without an attack, even with medication.

Living with a cat would be actively unpleasant for me. I would have to balance the pleasure of someone's company versus spending triple my time housecleaning (in a face mask), having to hide in the cat free parts of the house (office and bedroom), sleeping eleven hours a night, and feeling cruddy. You can see why this isn't appealing.  Even a couple of months of adapting to a new pet while feeling like garbage is not something I want to deal with.

On a personal note, words like 'furbaby', or the insistence that someone's pets are just like children to them are a real turn-off for me, even without an actual allergy involved.  I don't mind other people doing it away from me, but I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who did.


 

[StuckInCube]

If someone else chose to just give in to their allergies instead of dealing with them, i would think it was they who were turning my cat/dog/pony/parrot/etc. into a deal-breaker, not me.

I think this is very unfair to say someone is "giving in" to their allergies and they are not dealing with them. I have severe allergic reactions to cats and I have asthma. I take medication, but it doesn't clear up all my symptoms. There is nothing wrong with me choosing to not feel sick all the time or be in constant respiratory distress so someone can have an animal. Therefore, I would choose not to date someone with a cat. I don't think I should be required to be on constant medication in order to be with someone!!

For me, my health is more important than a pet. And I love most animals!  When my brother was born he was severely asthmatic with many allergies, to the point of being hospitalized multiple times. My parents had horses. They chose to get rid of the horses rather than make their child suffer (just being around a parent who had been near the horse made him sick). I think health trumps a pet, even a beloved one.

You seem to have taken my comment rather personally - it was not an attack, nor was it directed specifically to you.

I also had really bad allergies and asthma when i was growing up, and had to be hospitalized a few times myself. Once i got older i went through the shot treatment, even though i was so afraid of shots that the dr. discontinued them after a while because i freaked out so badly every time. Every time i get a new pet i live on allergy medicine for about 2 months, and wait for it to eventually clear up as my system gets used to it, and it eventually does.

Now, granted, this is what i do in order to keep my pets; not in order to tolerate someone else's, but still. Had Gish had a short-haired dog when we started dating i would have at least attempted to deal with it before either breaking it off with him or telling him he had to lose his pet!

I didn't take it personally, I just thought it was rather harsh to say that people would be giving in to them instead of dealing with them, or to say people must attempt to deal with it, which is not possible for many people. It reminded me of people who try to insist allergies are not that bad, are all in your mind, or why not just medicate yourself to death type of attitude. I don't think I'm alone in feeling that part of the post came off a little bit like "just suck it up".

While you have been successful in dealing with your allergies, there are many who cannot. Unfortunately for me no amount of medication ever makes me feel ok around cats (and some other animals). I have tried, but I know my body. So, it would be a deal breaker for me. While I wouldn't ask the person to give up their pet, they in turn would have to understand that me feeling sick all the time is not something I'm willing to sign up for.

I kind of don't understand the attitude (not you specifically, in general) that a pet always is more important than someone's health. I think it goes both ways. If you really love someone and they cannot be around your animal, then I think it's just as unfair to ask them to constantly medicate themselves as it would be for the person to ask you to get rid of the pet. So, if you would break up with them for not being able to be around your pet it's fair game for them to tell you they can't be with you anymore because of your pet.

A question for those who say they would never give up your animals.  I understand the attachment you can have, as I've had my own pets I've adored. But, if your child was diagnosed with severe allergies or asthma and you were told they couldn't be around your cat/dog/other pet of choice would you give up the animal? If so, what makes giving up a pet for a child's health different from giving it up for an SO's health? I'm just curious if there was anything that would make you feel like giving up your pet is something you should do.