Online date cancels on me 17 mins before we're supposed to meet

[GI_JANE]

I try not to make too many assumptions from people I haven't met yet.

We met online, been chatting for 2 weeks, he asks to meet me on a Saturday. I accept.

Day of 6pm, he starts talking about how he is sick, and does today work or do I want to schedule it to Sunday instead. I tell him it's okay if he can't make it he asks to change from 8 to 9:15.

8:58 I get a message saying he is having family problems and can't make it. (very short text) and asks what I am doing next day.

I text I am sorry about his situation and I am not free.

Should I give this guy another chance or is this too rude?

[Adelaide]

I wouldn't give this guy the time of day. He's either blowing you off on purpose or he's extremely flaky and inconsiderate in general. I think what you did was fine. Also, texting you at 8:58? Would he have even had time to make it to a date at 9:15? It sounds like he's just coming up with excuses at that point.

[Chickadee]

You weren't rude at all, and I wouldn't give him another chance.

First his excuse was illness, then family problems? He at least needs to keep his excuses straight. This may be mean, but it makes me wonder if the family problems might = wife and/or children.

[Sophia]

He was too rude

[Amava]

You weren't rude at all, and I wouldn't give him another chance.

First his excuse was illness, then family problems? He at least needs to keep his excuses straight. This may be mean, but it makes me wonder if the family problems might = wife and/or children.

That was my worst thought, too.

My best (as in "give him the benefit of the doubt") thought was: he mentioned he was sick? He has some stomach flu or something, he thinks it's too embarrassing to talk about that, he thought he would be ok to leave the house but then he suddenly started *insert TMI here* again and had to accept that he couldn't make it after all.

This can really go so many directions, I really don't know OP.  I'd say give him another chance if you really like him, but keep your eyes wide open!

[Carotte]

I would have been likely to give the guy another chance but only after seeing how he would handle things after that episode.
Likely telling him that I wasn't free right now and keep with the usual email or chat.

When I was still on a dating site I had one guy flake on me, only texting me one hour after the time we should have meet, I was ok with his excuse and was willing to give him another chance but then he blew his chances by making some half-hidden preposterous scrabble related assumptions. That did not go well for him
(two days later I had a date with my now current boyfriend and was sure to let him know 5 minutes in advance that I was sorry but would be a few minutes late.)

[TheVapors]

Should I give this guy another chance or is this too rude?

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here.

Either you feel that it's too much, and not worth your time.

Or, you feel that "hey, stuff comes up sometimes", and want to give him a chance.

Neither option is wrong. Both options are right.
---

As to what I'd do? Honestly, I'd probably give him one last chance. Though, he better be able to explain his postponing the date twice in a consistent and non-hinky manner. Not that I'd give him the third degree, but if he couldn't adequately explain what happened, then I'd cut my losses after that.

[LazyDaisy]

When he wanted to change the time from 8 to 9:15 because he was "sick" he had to have been lying...no illness clears up in an hour and 15 minutes -- not even a bought of gas. Lying is not a good way to start a relationship at all. Being married is a possibility, but so is playing a video game / watching TV / hanging out with friends and just not willing to leave -- you've discovered where you'll probably always end up on his list of priorities if you do decide to give him another chance.

[GI_JANE]

He seemed flakey all day really. But to be honest, 2 other guys from Plenty of Fish seemed that way that week as well.

5pm text was suggesting we meet at 6 or another if I wanted.

6pm text was saying he was sick. I said it was cool and we could schedule it another day, no big deal as I had not left the house then.

But 17 mins really got me questions this whole PoF thing.

They do things like, ask me out for a date several days in advance, and then text me day of at like 6/7/8 pm.

Ask me for a date, then when I give them my availability not answer back.

Maybe I am on the wrong site and it just attracts these kinds of people? It is not my fault I am a considerate individual (glad I found of forum of others that are as well)

[Sophia]

I was briefly on that site, and removed myself.  Seemed to be all flakes.
I met my husband on matchmaker.com

[LifeOnPluto]

I personally wouldn't bother giving him another chance. At best he's flakey. At worst, he's lying.

[nonesuch4]

I went out on a few dates with a very nice man from PofF.  He wasn't for me.

I think, in general, many men flirt/email/phone, but when it comes to meeting a person in the flesh, they lack the testicular fortitude to have coffee with a stranger.  That *continues* to be my experience. In this economy, he may be short on money, too.  If he asked you out and didn't budget for it, then he's kind of flaky. 

Actually I had an experience recently in which a man sent me messages that were sort of non sequiturs.  I guessed that he was emailing several different women and wasn't keeping track of what he said, and to whom.

He ought to keep a clipboard by the computer, like I do.

I am cutting down on the time I spend emailing and phoning before I meet.  Either a fellow is able and willing, or he's not.  If he's not, and rather quickly, I cut my losses and move on. 

Being "sick" and then having "family problems" the same evening would be a deal-breaker for me. 

[Twik]

If I were to be suspicious, I'd say he was juggling several potential dates, and trying to keep from committing to one until he knew he had his "best deal" lined up.

I agree that if you're too sick to go out at 6, you'd best just cancel the date, not move it back an hour or so.

[Winterlight]

Unless he lets you know that his father had a heart attack and was rushed to the ER, or the police were there arresting his sister for murder, I'd ditch him. He's had two chances and bailed on both.

[MacadamiaNut]

Unless he lets you know that his father had a heart attack and was rushed to the ER, or the police were there arresting his sister for murder, I'd ditch him. He's had two chances and bailed on both.

Huge POD to this, especially the bolded.  Two chances is enough in dating.  It's not baseball.  After a second strike, you're out in my book. 

In terms of the site you're using, IIRC, it's free to use it and with that, there is an element of "you get what you pay for."  The people on there don't have anything invested, KWIM?  So it's easier for them to be aloof about it all.  What this means is that the chances of finding someone who is serious about dating are significantly lower than on a paid site.  That's just my opinion, BTW.  I have no data to back that up but plenty of anecdotal evidence to that effect.