Author Topic: How much energy should you devote to a guy who flirts with a lot of girls?  (Read 9596 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

GI_JANE

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5
I met this guy at an event the other day, he was flirting heavily with me, but then i noticed he was flirting heavily with the other women as well. I do like him enough to consider knowing him more, but seeing him so flirty with so many women so soon (I mean holding my hand when he just met me) is kinda weird. I asked if he is like this all the time and he said yes.

How much energy/consideration should I give a guy like this?

Isometric

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 717
That depends entirely on how you feel about his behaviour! If you're ok with it, and don't feel threatened, by all means go ahead! And of course if it is "harmless", that is, he's not trying to woo these girls.

Personally, I don't like men in a relationship who act like this, I find it a little disrespectful. But of course some women couldn't care less!

TheVapors

  • Oh my! I should lay down...
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 609
I agree with Isometric.

---
Personally, it would bother me, and I wouldn't want to pursue him.

Bethalize

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4770
    • Toxic People Survival Checklist
Much as I love flirting (and I'm very good at it, at all levels) some people flirt in the same way a budgie taps on the mirror and squawks "Who's a pretty boy then?" They like it if you enjoy the experience, but they are also looking to elicit a response. It's not about liking you specifically. I have someone in my life who is even better at competitive flirting than me, but because they are not actually interested in me I've asked them not to do it with me. It feels false. They have respected my wishes and our relationship is more genuine and much nicer for it.

guihong

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6550
The guy who "flirts a lot" will be the guy who can't stop ogling women even though you're in a relationship, and maybe even a Quagmire type guy who can't be faithful or make a committment.  He'll spew his "energy" all over the place.  He's done you a big favor-told you exactly what to expect.  When someone tells you who they are, believe them!



nonesuch4

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 457
Much as I love flirting (and I'm very good at it, at all levels) some people flirt in the same way a budgie taps on the mirror and squawks "Who's a pretty boy then?"

This made me laugh out loud.

Awestruck Shmuck

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 82
Very little, is my short answer!

I know a lot of people who flirt with people out of habit, or for networking/business reasons more than romantic flirting...but the experienced/natural flirts I know will aaaaalways dial back the flirt with everyone but the object of their interest, if they're in a room with someone they're keen on.

The different reasons for flirting (to get someone interesting in discussing a business proposition, or to get a date or whatever else) are vast, but there always seems to be a different vibe when 'real' flirting is going on. just my 0.02 cents (maybe 0.0198 with the exchange rate :P)

Save your energy for someone who might genuinely have an interest in you I think :)

dawbs

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4448
IMO, the big question is, assuming that you got to know him and dated him and he continued this behavior, would you be OK with it?  Secure with knowing he chose you but able to deal w/ the fact that he's still going to flirt with other people?

If the answer is yes, then pursue if you want him.  If it's no, write him off.

LadyL

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2877
There is a bit of a difference between harmless flirting (which is more akin to the type of teasing all friends do with each other) and Flirting. I recently had a situation (posted about it here) where a guy I met was being quite flirty with me on facebook. I was trying to retain him as a friend while still making it clear that I'm engaged. I eventually noticed he did flirt a bit with some other people. Then it turns out he has a long term girlfriend! I eventually friended her and she has tons of pics of them together on her page, going back several years, visiting her family on the other side of the country even - he has NONE of her on his except for group shots where they're not even next to each other! It made me feel bad for her because she is really nice and I feel like his behavior, whether purposeful or not, isn't all that respectful of their relationship.

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28624
... some people flirt in the same way a budgie taps on the mirror and squawks "Who's a pretty boy then?" ...

I am so stealing this.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9880
IMO, the big question is, assuming that you got to know him and dated him and he continued this behavior, would you be OK with it?  Secure with knowing he chose you but able to deal w/ the fact that he's still going to flirt with other people?

If the answer is yes, then pursue if you want him.  If it's no, write him off.

This.

I flirt, but I keep it on the mild side, and not in front of my date.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6111
I am a flirt, as is my SO.  But we are both "friendly" flirts, not Scrabbly flirts, and I don't think anyone we "flirt" with actually thinks we are hitting on them.  Both of us are fine with how the other acts, because we trust each other and act the same whether apart or together.  I don't think anyone views our brand of "flirting" as inappropriate or offensive or disrespectful to the relationship. I think we "flirt" because it is a way to make those around us feel good about themselves and us to feel good that we are around happy people.  But "flirting" might not be the right word because there is never a Scrabbly over or undertone.  EVERYONE knows we are together and happy. We DEFNITELY flirt with each other very differently than we flirt with others.

That said, it sounds like this guy might be doing more Scrabbly flirting, casting his net wide. I would not want to date a man who flirts with everyone the way he flirts with me, and who sends off the vibe that he is available and ready for other people.

MacadamiaNut

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2110
  • These pretzels are making me thirsty.
There's being friendly and then there's outright flirting.  I am friendly with everyone, girls, guys, what have you.  I've dated men who are the same way and I actually prefer that.  Like when we're out to eat and he jokes around with the waiter/waitress or is just generally at ease with people wherever we go.  This to me is a big turn-on.  But if he's not that way with the men around, just the women, I would assume it's full-on flirting, in which case I would examine his treatment of me and go from there.  If he treats me respectfully and I am secure in the relationship with him, I might choose to be okay with it.  If while he's doing it, he is disrespecting me, it's a kick to the curb ASAP.  But that's me and you're you ;).

You have to decide whether either scenario is something you can live with.  In terms of your question, I'd say give him as much consideration as you would give anyone else you're in the beginning stages of dating.  Pay cautious attention so you could decide for yourself whether he's a fit for you.  If you behave outside of your norm, how will you ever find out? 

Just my two cents.  Good luck! :)


ETA: TurtleDove posted some similar thoughts as I was typing.  Her whole first paragraph resonates with me.  It's exactly how I think of it.
« Last Edit: August 02, 2012, 10:15:00 AM by MacadamiaNut »
Paperweights, for instance - has anyone ever established what, when, and why
paper has to be weighed down? ::) ~Don Aslett

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6111


I flirt, but I keep it on the mild side, and not in front of my date.

Hah!  I flirt the same in front of my date as I would if he were not there, which I think makes it easy for him to trust me.  He knows I am a "friendly" flirt and would tell me if it bothered him (at which point, I would stop).

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6111
POD to MacademiaNut.  Yes, what my SO and I do in terms of flirting is the same for men and women - I had never thought of that before.  He flirts with male servers just how he would female servers - it's friendly, not Scrabbly.