We recently renovated our backyard patio. We had to have concrete excavated and remove some structures and then have new concrete and landscaping. It looks great and invited a bunch of friends over for a party on a Friday night at 7 PM to celebrate and see the new outdoor area. We are known for our parties that we FULLY host - food, beverages, booze - and it is also known that our events are adult only -- well by most people.
I have a single mother friend with a teenaged son who is very high functioning autistic. He is going to be a senior this year, drives, goes out with friends, etc. He is fully capable of staying on his own, he stays home alone when she goes on business trips and he hangs with his friends. She has in the past brought her son to our events without letting me know, and because of his condition, he changes the dynamic considerably. He is argumentative, complains about the food and interrupts conversations. I don't mind if he comes for casual things if it is just her, myself, my husband, her son and a couple friends we share for a casual fire pit night roasting weenies.... not something like this with alcohol flowing, lots of specialized foods, etc. She is not part of the major circle that is attending this party, most guests don't have kids or if they do, they are empty nesters. Issues such as this rarely come up.
Due to the nature of the party and given she assumes to bring him, I put adult only on the invitation (evite) that went to everyone as there were a few others with younger children we invited, but had never invited before who may not know the 'culture' of our parties.
You know where i"m going with this: She responds she is bringing her son and that his social skills have improved a great deal. That doesn't matter to me. I clearly indicated it is an adult party. I think she thinks this is a good opportunity for him to practice his new social skills, which, after seeing him a couple weeks ago, have not improved.
So, I sent her a message telling her it is an adult only event and she denied presuming to bring her son. She further stated they wouldn't come if it was a problem. I responded that it was stated in the evite, SHE is welcome, but it is an adult only event. She is a bit touchy b/c she does deal with a great deal of discrimination and general everyday problems by the school and ignorant people. I am sensing she is insulted that her son wasn't included. I'm peeved that she ignored my adult only statement on the evite.
This is what I wrote: Did you get my message about the patio party being Adult only? I saw on the evite rsvp you want to bring *son*, but it is a more formal cocktail party type event this time.
- Oh, I can't imagine RSVPing for him! That's funny. I must have selected some field that wasn't meant for that. At any rate, let me know if you don't want us to go. So sorry for any inconvenience.
- He was never an option in my mind.
The thing is, she physically typed in her response. It was not just a click a button type of thing.
This was her rsvp:
With bells on! Hopefully, the son will come for a spell (his social has picked up quite a bit,).
Of course you can come and no inconvenience! You rsvp'd yes for two and commented you will bring son on the evite. The evite states over 21 adult only event in the description. While he is welcome at some of our events, this one is adult only.
I am waiting to hear from her, but I plan to continue to extend the invitation to her for this party, but not back down on the son coming. He is a nice boy, but this is not the party for him.
For future events, I think I will no longer be extending invitations to her because she has done this too many times. The times she did it, she rsvp'd for one and then showed up with her son.
How do I continue to let her know that she is welcome at this party, explain to her it is not a slight to him, but NO kids are invited and rarely are kids invited to our house if she is taking this personally? Etiquettely speaking, putting adult only on an invitation is not the best, but in this case, I felt I had to given her past behaviour and new invitees.
Just to note, if he wasn't autistic, he still wouldn't be invited. It is an adult only event. No kids, period. So let's not go there, please.