Funerals: For Those Who Pass Judgement On How People Dress

[CharlieBraun]

Charles of Wales - not my favorite person by a long margin - wore a blue suit to his former wife's funeral.

Diana had picked it out for him in the earlier, happier days of their marriage, saying that it matched his eyes and brought out his coloring.  And it did.  Whatever looks that man has, were enhanced by that suit.

Again, not my favorite man, but that was: not a black suit; and a semi-state funeral.  And even with that, the blue suit was appropriate.

OP - phooey on those nattering girlies.

[Kiara]

I had three grandparents pass away within nine months.  Two of the funerals I was okay for, because I own a black winter dress.  For my father's dad, who was the last one...it was in the summer, and I don't own a black *summer* dress.  I don't own a solid navy one either.  I have a print navy dress.  Which my mother, who is a stickler for dressing up since I was a little girl, said was fine.  Granddad liked me in it.  (And I loved him.  Dad's mom was toxic, but granddad wasn't.  Just very passive.)  And if anyone cared, too bad.  The family didn't.

I had heels, but at the wake the day before my grandfather's brother was panicking about the pallbearers.  (Uncle Jerome couldn't come to the funeral itself because of his wife being so sick.)  Who would do it?  Did we have enough....well, there's not that many young people in my dad's family, so it was dicey.  I told my dad that I'd do it.  If only so we could tell Jerome it was all family.  But so I'd be more comfortable...I wore sandals the day of the funeral.  And if one person had said something, I would have given them a look and turned away.  Because Jerome knowing that it was all family as pallbearers for his last remaining brother was more important than anything I could wear.

Doing that for him was one of the proudest moments of my life.  And now I apparently have something in my eye....

[jazzbeat]

First, I am so sorry for your loss. 

Traditionally at Jewish funerals, the people who show up to support the grieving family members are actually supposed to support them, which means not speaking at all unless the family members initiate it.  Your situation is an excellent reason why grieving family members are supposed to be grieving, not acting as hosts. 

Additionally, we all grieve in various ways.  It was unbelievably callous of that "w"itch to say anything at all about how anyone was dressed.  It's a funeral, not a party or fashion show.

[blue2000]

I just went to a funeral and one of the children of the deceased was wearing a skimpy outfit with some large tattoos visible - in a church where both are forbidden. She put her jacket back on shortly after she got there, which makes me think someone mentioned it to her.

I don't think it said anything about her respect for the deceased, though. He knew how she was. He wouldn't have said anything.

[Mental Magpie]

I just went to a funeral and one of the children of the deceased was wearing a skimpy outfit with some large tattoos visible - in a church where both are forbidden. She put her jacket back on shortly after she got there, which makes me think someone mentioned it to her.

I don't think it said anything about her respect for the deceased, though. He knew how she was. He wouldn't have said anything.

I hope whoever said something to her said it nicely, along the lines of, "You may not be aware, but in this place of worship your attire is seen as disrespectful.  I know you don't mean it that way, but I don't want others to think less of you because I know you're a great person."

[blue2000]

I just went to a funeral and one of the children of the deceased was wearing a skimpy outfit with some large tattoos visible - in a church where both are forbidden. She put her jacket back on shortly after she got there, which makes me think someone mentioned it to her.

I don't think it said anything about her respect for the deceased, though. He knew how she was. He wouldn't have said anything.

I hope whoever said something to her said it nicely, along the lines of, "You may not be aware, but in this place of worship your attire is seen as disrespectful.  I know you don't mean it that way, but I don't want others to think less of you because I know you're a great person."

If it was the minister of the service or one of her dad's siblings, yes, they would have said it nicely. Probably with a hug and an "Oh, just to let you know..."

Her mother ::sigh:: maybe, maybe not. But that's a rant for a different thread.

[Mental Magpie]

I just went to a funeral and one of the children of the deceased was wearing a skimpy outfit with some large tattoos visible - in a church where both are forbidden. She put her jacket back on shortly after she got there, which makes me think someone mentioned it to her.

I don't think it said anything about her respect for the deceased, though. He knew how she was. He wouldn't have said anything.

I hope whoever said something to her said it nicely, along the lines of, "You may not be aware, but in this place of worship your attire is seen as disrespectful.  I know you don't mean it that way, but I don't want others to think less of you because I know you're a great person."

If it was the minister of the service or one of her dad's siblings, yes, they would have said it nicely. Probably with a hug and an "Oh, just to let you know..."

Her mother ::sigh:: maybe, maybe not. But that's a rant for a different thread.

Dark Mom is slowly coming to terms with her daughters having tattoos...the mohawk I had didn't matter, nor Dark Sister's dreads, but tattoos    She, at least, is nice about it.  Dark Dad didn't like the tattoos, either, but he always wanted us to be ourselves.  I don't think Dark Mother would have said anything had we bared our tattoos at his funeral...except neither of us had as many as we do now (mine being only 2, lol).

[blue2000]

Dark Mom is slowly coming to terms with her daughters having tattoos...the mohawk I had didn't matter, nor Dark Sister's dreads, but tattoos    She, at least, is nice about it.  Dark Dad didn't like the tattoos, either, but he always wanted us to be ourselves.  I don't think Dark Mother would have said anything had we bared our tattoos at his funeral...except neither of us had as many as we do now (mine being only 2, lol).

I don't think I'd mind hairstyles as much as tattoos. Hair isn't permanent. However, there is always the possibility that the next style will be wilder than the current ones.

[Mental Magpie]

Dark Mom is slowly coming to terms with her daughters having tattoos...the mohawk I had didn't matter, nor Dark Sister's dreads, but tattoos    She, at least, is nice about it.  Dark Dad didn't like the tattoos, either, but he always wanted us to be ourselves.  I don't think Dark Mother would have said anything had we bared our tattoos at his funeral...except neither of us had as many as we do now (mine being only 2, lol).

I don't think I'd mind hairstyles as much as tattoos. Hair isn't permanent. However, there is always the possibility that the next style will be wilder than the current ones.

2 years of a mohawk  but I think you're opinion is Dark Mother's opinion: it's not permanent, it can be fixed/changed.  Until recently, I was still dying my hair red, purple, or blue.  She loves my long, dark curly hair, but I think she had as much fun with the mohawk as I did.