Facebook: I really don't want to chat

[heathert]

I like to go on Facebook to see what people are up to and send them messages but I really don't like to chat on there at all.  Part of the reason I don't want to chat is not that I am anti-social but more about the fact that I need to go to bed early because I get up early.  I have a long commute to work, so I have to get up at 4am and don't get home till 6pm.  I have to be in bed by 8pm.

The problem is no one seems to understand even when I explain all this and get really put out that I don't want to spend the entire remainder of my evening chatting with them.  I keep getting friends who want to chat endlessly or look at videos they found (which I don't mind looking at them and commenting to them later, but at my pace, not my friends). 

First, is there a way to disguise the fact that I am online? I am not tech-savvy in the least.  Second, if I can't disguise that I am online, what is a polite but firm way to say "Look, I don't know how many times I need to say it, but I really don't have time to chat. Please respect that."

Heather

[Judah]

Take yourself offline. In the chat box, click on the cog and select "offline".

[heathert]

I don't mean to sound stupid but you mean the box to the bottom right? Does the cog look like a little gearshift or something?

[Judah]

I don't mean to sound stupid but you mean the box to the bottom right? Does the cog look like a little gearshift or something?

Yes.

[thedudeabides]

What Judah said.  It'll let you use the message system more like email than chat.

[Sharnita]

the other option is simply not reponding. some people don't log out so just because it looks like they are there doesn't mean they would see a message sent.  SOmetimes I will send out an "are you there", sometimes I will see one that has been sent out hours earlier.

[thedudeabides]

The upside to disabling chat is that then your messages won't pop up at the bottom of your window in the middle of browsing.

[MariaE]

Or just ignore the message. It's like a ringing phone - you don't have to answer it.

[JustEstelle]

The upside to disabling chat is that then your messages won't pop up at the bottom of your window in the middle of browsing.

However, when you log onto FB, there will be an indicator at the top left-hand corner of the screen that you have private messages.

I had to do the same thing, OP.  I took myself offline and have stayed offline ever since one of my friends messaged me to have my DH call her DH - this, after her DH had already left messages on both our land line and DH's cell phone.  DH just hadn't gotten around to calling him back yet.  If I remember correctly, my DH was under the weather at that time and just didn't feel up to chatting on the phone.  And it wasn't an emergency that the guy needed to talk to my DH.  It could have waited.  He'd have her look to see if I was online and tell her to tell me things to tell my DH.  It got really annoying.

[CakeEater]

Yep, I always appear offline. I hate chatting with people online. You never know if they're typing still, and the messages always get mixed up. Much easier for me.

[pierrotlunaire0]

Boy, this hits a nerve with me.  I am now permanently off line because a male cousin (8 years younger than me) was always trying to chat with me, and they were the most awkward conversations you can imagine.  There were a lot of LOL's and meaningless nothings with someone I never talk to in real life.

It was just easier to hide.

[Cat-Fu]

Another neat trick you can do, if some people in particular are annoying, is create a list of the worst offenders, then block them specifically from seeing that you are online. If it's just one or two people, you can skip the list (it seems that I know a lot of annoying people, my list is quite long, lol!) and just enter their names in directly. (Just click the Options cog and then click Advanced Settings.)

If you're more discerning, you can choose to only have select people be able to see when you are online, as well.

Hope that helps!

[Dr_Manners]

I have a similar problem. I am always marked as offline on Facebook, and set to invisible on Yahoo messenger. Yet, every time one of my friends sees me do ANY activity on Facebook while he is online, he messages me on Yahoo with "I saw you post/comment/like something on Facebook, so I knew you were at your computer." Then he tries to start a meaningless conversation about anything and nothing. It's getting to the point where I'm afraid of Facebook.