Boss's son's wedding

[nonesuch4]

Sam was married last Saturday.  Barry, my boss, didn't invite any employees to the wedding.

I've worked for Barry for 20 years or so, (longer than anyone else there) but I can practically count the number of times I've met Sam on my hands.  I am not offended, and I didn't see anything odd about this. After all, the event is hosted by the bride's family. However, several people who have heard about this think it's odd or unusual that I or we weren't invited.  On thinking about it today, several things occurred to me. 

1) If  Barry invited me, (a part-time employee) wouldn't he have had to invite all his employees? (He'd have to close the store.  There are about eight of us)
2)  Although a gift isn't *required,* wouldn't it be sort of like fishing for presents for his son if he had invited us?
3) Even if Barry had said, "Don't get a gift, just come!" wouldn't the bride and groom rather have their actual friends there, rather than the groom's father's employees?

[katycoo]

1) No.  Being a member of a group doesn't entitle you to inclusion, although some people feel that way, and it would be inappropriate if all employees bar one were invited.

2) Depends on how you look at it.  if you relationship with your boss transcended into genuine friendship then I don't think so.

3) Many B&G's want their parents to enjoy themselves too.  I certainly invited some of my parents' closer friends for their benefit only.  I personally was not fussed on their attendance.

[Shopaholic]

1. No. Barry gets to decide who he invites.

2. Agree with katycoo. Honestly, where I live the cost of hosting a single guest usually exceeds the monetary value of the gift (which is usually money) - so the chances of people being invited just for the gift are slim.

3. Every wedding is hosted differently. There are no hard and fast rules. Of course, it also depends on who is footing the bill. It is very common to let parents invite a certain number of people at their discretion. Sometimes even siblings are allocated a certain number of invitations.
At our wedding (which was paid for by our parents) both sets of parents got the same number of invites (which was less than the number of invites that we the HC got). Within that number, parents got to choose who to invite. For all I cared, my dad could invite the local falafel vendor just not exceed the allotted number of invites.

[squeakers]

I dunno.. only 8 employees (at least 1 long term) and the father of the groom did not invite them??

My ?? goes to the whole small business =family like.

On the one hand: no need to buy a gift, no new clothes, no baby-sitter, hopefully a day off.

On the other hand: small business= giving your all (working days most wouldn't, less pay perhaps, less benefits maybe, all the afore speculation).

Not knowing the groom= prolly don't need to go.  But.. if you know the dad, knew him for years even just as a boss.. one would think you would rate an invite.  Unless it was a small family/close friends only wedding.

I would put a long term worker in a small business on the same scale as neighbors or parents of kids' friends (wedding couple or siblings' friends). If you can afford one.. ask the others.

 

[veryfluffy]

I can just picture the conversation:

Groom's father: "So I want to invite my eight employees (whom you have barely met), plus of course their spouses, to your wedding.

Groom: " Why would I want those people at our wedding?"

[LifeOnPluto]

If you socialised with your boss outside of work, I think you'd have a case for being invited to his son's wedding. But if not, I think your co-workers' expectations are a little unreasonable.

[Venus193]

I agree with the above post and will add that the boss is probably doing this as part of keeping home and work life separate.  So many people have trouble doing that because they spend too much time at work, which is particularly the case for small business owners.

It is better not to be so enmeshed with one's boss and colleagues.  My last company had many boundary issues with this and I think part of the reason I was terminated was because I wouldn't fall into that kind of behavior.

[nonesuch4]

We don't socialize with boss outside work.  As far as I know, once boss attended a former employee's 80th birthday party, and Boss made an appearance at Late Husband's funeral. After reading Venus' post, it occurred to me that Boss prefers it that way.  On rare moments when I didn't have anything else to  worry about, I wondered if Boss didn't like me.  I think her post is probably right.  Especially with a very small company, it seems a good idea to have boundaries. 

It wasn't any of the other employees who mentioned it:  it was other friends I talked to about the upcoming wedding.

[LadyClaire]

I don't think the son was under any obligation to invite his father's employees to his wedding. It's his wedding, not his father's, and if he barely knows the employees, why would he want them there? Plus, it would likely be the employees + guest, so then you have 16 extra people to account for once you add in the SOs/spouses.

[learningtofly]

When I got married my Dad invited two employees.  However, they had worked for him longer than I had been around.  I saw them at least once a year and loved having them there.  They were strangers to DH, but then again his Dad's long time employee was a stranger to me.  However, all had a good time at the wedding and we were happy to see them. 

My Dad had more than two employees.  The two invited had been there the longest and knew me as a kid and as an adult.  As far as I know the rest of the employees were fine with not attending or didn't know that anyone from the office had been invited.

[Pippen]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

[rose red]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?  As the parents, why would you deny your children the company of people they care about?  Your children are not dolls to put on display to impress your friends.

[philliesphan]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?  As the parents, why would you deny your children the company of people they care about?  Your children are not dolls to put on display to impress your friends.

Agreed. DH and I paid for our wedding, but if we had accepted parental help and gotten those strings attached to it, we would have eloped.

OP, I think you're in the right, and who are these other people who think you should have been invited? In fact, I'd be relieved not to be invited to the boss's kid's wedding. Too much pressure -- what if my wedding gift fell short of the boss's expectations?

[Winterlight]

I'd be relieved not to be invited- I'd have to take time off work (since I doubt we'd be getting paid while attending), buy a gift and probably new clothes, and spend time with a bunch of total strangers. It would definitely feel like a gift grab, since I don't know anyone but Boss.

[BeagleMommy]

When I got married we invited my dad's boss and a few coworkers of my mother's.  From the time I was in junior high school my dad's boss included our family in many events he hosted.  In retrospect, I kind of wish we hadn't invited him because I briefly dated boss' son while in high school.  In the receiving line, boss' wife said to me, with my newly-minted DH standing at my side, "I wish my son had been nicer to you.  I might be your MIL if he had."

All I could think of to say was "Um.....".

I guess what I'm trying to say to OP is that the boss' children are under no obligation to invite any or all of the employees.