Boss's son's wedding

[Ginger G]

My department head has had two daughters get married in the time I've been with the company.  Both times everyone in his department was invited.   One of the wedding was just two months ago.  I would have been quite happy to not have been invited.  I didn't attend either wedding since I don't know either of the daughters (or their grooms), and I'm just not comfortable attending weddings where I don't know the HC at all (although I made an exeption a while back when I attended a wedding as the guest of my boyfriend).  Due to "office politics" I still felt on the hook to get a gift both times though.

[katycoo]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?

Because you are thrilled to share the joy of the person you DO know - their parent.

[thedudeabides]

I think you're asking the wrong question.  It's not "Should Dad have invited his employees to his son's wedding?"  It's "Should Son have invited his dad's employees to his wedding?"  The answer is "He doesn't know them, so why?"

[thedudeabides]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?

Because you are thrilled to share the joy of the person you DO know - their parent.

Sorry, but that's crap.  Why should you be more important than the friends of the people actually getting married?

[katycoo]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?

Because you are thrilled to share the joy of the person you DO know - their parent.

Sorry, but that's crap.  Why should you be more important than the friends of the people actually getting married?

I never said that the parent's guests should be more important that the HC's friends.  I was responding to your specific question bolded above.  I deliberate didn not quote your entire post as I was only address part of it.

[Shopaholic]

I think you're asking the wrong question.  It's not "Should Dad have invited his employees to his son's wedding?"  It's "Should Son have invited his dad's employees to his wedding?"  The answer is "He doesn't know them, so why?"

Doesn't this depend on who is actually hosting (=paying for) the event?
I don't think it's unreasonable for parents to invite their friends and employees to a child's wedding, providing the space and budget allow for it. It's the parents' celebration as well.
We don't know if the employees would have been invited instead of the HC's friends.

Haven't you ever gone to a wedding of someone you didn't know? As a date, because it's important to your SO you accompany them?

[Venus193]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?

Because you are thrilled to share the joy of the person you DO know - their parent.

I find this outrageous, as though the wedding were merely a display rather than an actual celebration.

[nrb80]

Let's tone down the rhetoric and speak civilly, recognizing that people have different opinions, or this thread will be closed.

[camlan]

Sam was married last Saturday.  Barry, my boss, didn't invite any employees to the wedding.

I've worked for Barry for 20 years or so, (longer than anyone else there) but I can practically count the number of times I've met Sam on my hands.  I am not offended, and I didn't see anything odd about this. After all, the event is hosted by the bride's family. However, several people who have heard about this think it's odd or unusual that I or we weren't invited.  On thinking about it today, several things occurred to me. 

1) If  Barry invited me, (a part-time employee) wouldn't he have had to invite all his employees? (He'd have to close the store.  There are about eight of us)
2)  Although a gift isn't *required,* wouldn't it be sort of like fishing for presents for his son if he had invited us?
3) Even if Barry had said, "Don't get a gift, just come!" wouldn't the bride and groom rather have their actual friends there, rather than the groom's father's employees?

About the bolded--when I was in my 20s, back in the 1980s, yes, the bride's family traditionally hosted the wedding. The brides' parents were the hosts and they invited a lot of their own friends, because it was their party. But usually, a fair number of the bride's and groom's friends were invited, as well. The groom's parents were told how many people they could invite, and that group usually included a number of the parents' friends.

But these days, no matter who is paying for the wedding, a large number of brides and grooms host the wedding themselves. They set the guest list, usually with input from all the parents. But I think the emphasis has shifted from "family and friends of the parents, with some friends of the Happy Couple," to "family and friends of the Happy Couple, with some family and friends of the parents."

So, in addition to the reasons given here, about wanting to keep work and private life separate, and 8 employees meaning 16 invitations, Barry may not have had the option of inviting his employees. He may have been told how many people he could invite. I suspect he would have prioritized family (that the NC hadn't included on their guest list) and close friends, over his employees.

[Twik]

Part of the reason for the clash nowadays is that, when the "invite parents' friends before couple's friends" tradition grew, families weren't as fragmented (geographically, and sometimes with regards to relationships) as they are now. So, traditionally, the bride's parents threw the wedding, and invited their friends as the heads of other families in their social circle, who would welcome the bride to her adult social life. But these were not merely her parents' friends, they were usually the parents of her friends. Even if not, she'd probably met her parents' friends frequently while growing up, so there was a sort of social continuity.

Nowadays, of course, it's quite possible that the couple's friends and their parents' friends are two completely separate circles. This takes away the sort of social bonding that was created by the multigenerational guest list of earlier days.

[katycoo]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?

Because you are thrilled to share the joy of the person you DO know - their parent.

I find this outrageous, as though the wedding were merely a display rather than an actual celebration.

It is a celebration for the parents also though, is it not?  I repeat, I'm not saying the parents friends should take priority over the HC's friends, but I don't see why a friend of the parent would not be pleased to attend if they were invited, even not knowing the HC well.

[Pippen]

Part of the reason for the clash nowadays is that, when the "invite parents' friends before couple's friends" tradition grew, families weren't as fragmented (geographically, and sometimes with regards to relationships) as they are now. So, traditionally, the bride's parents threw the wedding, and invited their friends as the heads of other families in their social circle, who would welcome the bride to her adult social life. But these were not merely her parents' friends, they were usually the parents of her friends. Even if not, she'd probably met her parents' friends frequently while growing up, so there was a sort of social continuity.

Nowadays, of course, it's quite possible that the couple's friends and their parents' friends are two completely separate circles. This takes away the sort of social bonding that was created by the multigenerational guest list of earlier days.

That's a very interesting explanation.

[thedudeabides]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?

Because you are thrilled to share the joy of the person you DO know - their parent.

Sorry, but that's crap.  Why should you be more important than the friends of the people actually getting married?

I never said that the parent's guests should be more important that the HC's friends.  I was responding to your specific question bolded above.  I deliberate didn not quote your entire post as I was only address part of it.

It wasn't my question, but thank you for your response.

[kglory]

Another reason Boss may not have invited his employees is that he wants to let loose at the party -- be emotional, drink, dance uninhibitedly, etc.  He might not want to be so emotional or free in front of his employees.

The boss/employee relationship is different from the parent/parent's friend or even coworker/coworker.  The boss has more of a professional image to maintain in front of his employees.  So I can understand why he might want to keep this part of his personal life private, even if he thinks well of his employees and is friendly with them.

[katycoo]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?

Because you are thrilled to share the joy of the person you DO know - their parent.

Sorry, but that's crap.  Why should you be more important than the friends of the people actually getting married?

I never said that the parent's guests should be more important that the HC's friends.  I was responding to your specific question bolded above.  I deliberate didn not quote your entire post as I was only address part of it.

It wasn't my question, but thank you for your response.

Oh, my apologies.  I should really pay more attention.