Boss's son's wedding

[Sharnita]

I think one of the realities is that in a small company employees can also be co-workers. Boss and employees can work together on tasks do the relationship can be a bit different than larger companies.  That relationship can explain why a "boss" would want to invite his employees.

[Winterlight]

My department head has had two daughters get married in the time I've been with the company.  Both times everyone in his department was invited.   One of the wedding was just two months ago.  I would have been quite happy to not have been invited.  I didn't attend either wedding since I don't know either of the daughters (or their grooms), and I'm just not comfortable attending weddings where I don't know the HC at all (although I made an exeption a while back when I attended a wedding as the guest of my boyfriend).  Due to "office politics" I still felt on the hook to get a gift both times though.

And this is why I am anti inviting employees unless they are longtime friends as well- people with little to no connection feel pressured to buy gifts because of office politics.

[WillyNilly]

I'm getting married in 2 months.  Way back several months ago, my MIL who by way of it being a small world happens to know my dad's boss, inadvertently invited my dad's boss to the wedding.  Not officially or anything but still no mistaking it and very public, so now I'm obligated to invite her.

My dad was PO'ed.  Now mind you he gets along with his boss just fine, and has socialized with her and even invited her to parties of his own.  And yes my dad is paying in large part for my reception.  But he felt that its my (and my DF's) wedding.  The friends of his that are being invited - and there's lots - are ones whom I know, and who have been in my life, and who I chose.  The friends who we spend Christmas with, or who were always around the house when I was kid, the ones who would recognize me if they bumped into me on the street and who know enough about me to have a bit of a personal chat.

I think its totally reasonable to invite what are essentially family friends - sure closer perhaps to the parent, but ultimately a friend of the family unit as a whole.  Employees with no relationship to the family but only to one member, a member who is not actually the one getting married, I think is an inappropriate invite. 

IMO a wedding should be about showing love and support and affection for the couple getting married.  A don't think an employee of one of the parents fits that emotional role.

[SoCalVal]

I think its totally reasonable to invite what are essentially family friends - sure closer perhaps to the parent, but ultimately a friend of the family unit as a whole.  Employees with no relationship to the family but only to one member, a member who is not actually the one getting married, I think is an inappropriate invite. 

IMO a wedding should be about showing love and support and affection for the couple getting married.  A don't think an employee of one of the parents fits that emotional role.

I disagree.  I think it really depends upon the dynamic of the people in question.

A broker I used to work for invited several guests to his daughter's wedding whose connection was to the broker and these were business relationships.  He invited his boss and boss' wife (a former coworker), his co-broker (for want of a better term -- they worked as a team), me and the receptionist.  One of my supervisors where I work now said that her wedding was full of people she didn't know who were connected to her parents and the groom's parents.  The broker is a Caucasian American.  The supervisor is an Asian immigrant whose parents are immigrants.  I point out their ethnic backgrounds because they had different cultural upbringings.  Also, the broker's daughter seemed fine with our presence (a very smiley happy person, I found, since my interaction with her was only at the wedding).  The supervisor was also fine with the guest list for her wedding.

My point is, as others pointed out in a thread I started a couple of weeks ago, that the appropriateness of the guest list is according to the HC.  For this thread, I don't think the HC was under any obligation to invite the groom's father's employees, and I don't think it fair for anyone to expect an invitation.  However, it doesn't mean inviting the employees would've been inappropriate; it's only inappropriate for those who say they wouldn't do this for their own weddings.

[Venus193]

My personal perspective is that bosses inviting employees, clients, or other business associates to their children's weddings is acceptable only if it doesn't violate personal boundaries (as I previously mentioned) or if it doesn't shove any friends of the couple off the guest list.

We are long past the point where bridal couples are mostly living with parents or otherwise are not full adult participants until marriage that the couple's friends should take priority.  Especially since most who are on their own are likely paying most of the bill.

[kareng57]

I'm getting married in 2 months.  Way back several months ago, my MIL who by way of it being a small world happens to know my dad's boss, inadvertently invited my dad's boss to the wedding.  Not officially or anything but still no mistaking it and very public, so now I'm obligated to invite her.

My dad was PO'ed.  Now mind you he gets along with his boss just fine, and has socialized with her and even invited her to parties of his own.  And yes my dad is paying in large part for my reception.  But he felt that its my (and my DF's) wedding.  The friends of his that are being invited - and there's lots - are ones whom I know, and who have been in my life, and who I chose.  The friends who we spend Christmas with, or who were always around the house when I was kid, the ones who would recognize me if they bumped into me on the street and who know enough about me to have a bit of a personal chat.

I think its totally reasonable to invite what are essentially family friends - sure closer perhaps to the parent, but ultimately a friend of the family unit as a whole.  Employees with no relationship to the family but only to one member, a member who is not actually the one getting married, I think is an inappropriate invite. 

IMO a wedding should be about showing love and support and affection for the couple getting married.  A don't think an employee of one of the parents fits that emotional role.

Re your third paragraph - you don't get to decide what is or is not an appropriate invitation for other peoples' weddings.  For your own, of course you do.

[thedudeabides]

One of my friends got married and was only 'allowed' 5 of her friends there. The rest of the invites (100) were made up of elderly relatives she barely knew and parents friends and business associates. It was more like a conference than a wedding.

It really makes me mad when I read something like this.  As a guest, why would you want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?

Because you are thrilled to share the joy of the person you DO know - their parent.

Sorry, but that's crap.  Why should you be more important than the friends of the people actually getting married?

I never said that the parent's guests should be more important that the HC's friends.  I was responding to your specific question bolded above.  I deliberate didn not quote your entire post as I was only address part of it.

It wasn't my question, but thank you for your response.

Oh, my apologies.  I should really pay more attention.

It's okay - it's a long quote string!

[grannyclampettjr]

My ex-husband's mother was the wedding coordinator for her church.  So she was thrilled to be able to plan a wedding for her own family.   She did what *she* wanted and invited everybody she knew, including putting a notice in the church bulletin.   Lots of people I didn't know showed up, which made walking down the aisle and the reception stressful in the extreme. 

And might I add that I had wanted to elope in the first place because I don't like to be the center of attention. 

Also note that that I'm speaking about my *ex* mil--the marriage did not survive his lack of backbone in setting boundaries with his mother, and I had no desire to fight with her.

All of which is to say that the HC might not want anybody they don't know well at the wedding.  As is their right.   

[Elisabunny]

My department head has had two daughters get married in the time I've been with the company.  Both times everyone in his department was invited.   One of the wedding was just two months ago.  I would have been quite happy to not have been invited.  I didn't attend either wedding since I don't know either of the daughters (or their grooms), and I'm just not comfortable attending weddings where I don't know the HC at all (although I made an exeption a while back when I attended a wedding as the guest of my boyfriend).  Due to "office politics" I still felt on the hook to get a gift both times though.

I think this is exactly why the OP's boss didn't invite her.  It's far too easy for "I'll be friendly and invite my employees, no pressure" turn into "Oh great, now I have to socialize with my boss and provide a present to this person I've never met."   Keeping work and personal life separate protects both the employer and the employee.

[checkitnice]

I think it sounds like your boss made the smart move.  He didn't invite anybody, so there's no risk of anyone getting offended.  You don't socialize outside of work ... he actually sounds like a great boss in that respect!