General Etiquette > Family and Children

Poor Little Dog

(1/6) > >>

hannahmollysmom:
BG: My ex and I have been divorced for 11 years, but still on good terms. We gather for family events, and I enjoy his fiancee's company.

My Ex-BIL is getting a divorce. His soon to be ex doesn't want the dog. (An adorable English Bulldog, 2 years old.) He lives 5 hours away from us, and couldn't find a place he could afford that accepts dogs. So, he brought it up here. My ex-inlaws are too old to have a dog, and my ex couldn't keep it because his dog was attacking it. So, guess who has it now!

I live alone, rent, and am lucky my landlords are good friends, and allow me to "temporarily" take in this dog (who is a sweet heart).  My landlords son lives next door and has a dog, but I know when he moves out, the rule will be no dogs. I can't keep this dog,
1. because I live alone and work so it spends too much time alone,
2. The landlord.

Turns out temporary could work into months. The dog hates cats, and tried to kill mine. I told my ex, he would have to take my cat temporarily, and at first he balked, but I mentioned I was doing him a favor (would have loved to have said "I'm not married to you anymore, you are lucky I'm doing this in the first place!) but he did take my cat. (I had to shut the poor terrorized thing in a room for 2 days.)

I have told him we need to find a good home for this dog. I am still friends on face book with the soon to be ex-wife, so I have requested she mail me the dogs papers and shot records as she kept them when she made the BIL take the dog.

Ex keeps saying, wouldn't you keep the dog? My BIL doesn't want to let her go. So, ok a week or two would have been fine, but he can't give any indication when he would be able to get her. I can't see letting her get attached to me for a long period of time, then passing her off again. She has already been turned upside down by being removed from her family and kids, to moving in with me.

I have found someone with a family that would love to have her.  Help me to keep my spine. I know "That is not possible" is a good phrase here, but I need other responses.

hannahmollysmom:
Forgot to mention, this was all thrown at me in a 12 hour time period. When I spent time chasing a dog trying to kill my cat at 1:30 in the morning, I became a mess of anxiety. Couldn't sleep or eat, which I have to do as I'm type II. Sorry if the opening post was confusing, I'm just a mess right now.

sweetonsno:
Just be honest. Explain that you don't want a dog, that this dog is not compatible with you (tried to kill your cat? really?), and that you've found a family that would love to have him. "I really can't keep this dog. It was my understanding that you just needed a home while you looked for a new place to live that would allow dogs/a place to re-home the dog. The dog doesn't get along with my cat, and I'm unwilling to re-home my cat to accommodate your dog. There's a family in my neighborhood who would be great with Winston. The kids always want to pet him when I take him out for a walk, and they've got a huge yard. I'm happy to discuss it with them if you think that would be a good choice. Otherwise, you really need to come up with an alternate arrangement, because I can't provide a permanent home." Seriously, just think about how much you love your cat and that will help with the spine.

Failing that, set a date by which the ex (or the ex BIL) must pick up the dog or you'll tell the family that it's available for adoption. Or, if there's any concern that your ex or exBIL would go after them, say that you'll drop the dog off at a shelter saying that it's been abandoned (which it technically has if its real owner won't reclaim it). If you go that route, though, please do pick a no-kill shelter and be sure to let them know that the dog doesn't pair well with cats.

*Note: If you think there's any possibility that your ex would somehow retaliate (by keeping your cat or something), be sure to reclaim the cat before you make any announcements about the dog. You can keep the cat shut in a room with a letterbox and food or you can borrow or buy some gates. The bulldog won't be able to get over/through them, but it's quite easy for a cat to jump over. (A dedicated cat can get over quite a few. . . my stepmom's cat once scaled three of them to get out of a room.) It's not an ideal arrangement, but it should keep your fur baby safe while also allowing him (her?) more freedom to wander.

Please go have something to eat and then go to sleep. The dog isn't bad, just not right for your home. You aren't doing anything bad, just looking out for yourself, your cat, and this poor dog. It's not the exBIL's fault, it's not your ex's fault, it's just a bad situation. It's not your responsibility, and it's great that you are helping out. But don't let yourself be taken advantage of.

atirial:
I'd suggest honesty first, but if  he won't listen when you are honest, or just keeps trying to persuade you (or 'forgets' to pick the dog up), you may need to be firmer.


--- Quote from: hannahmollysmom on August 09, 2012, 01:41:06 AM ---Ex keeps saying, wouldn't you keep the dog?
--- End quote ---
"I'm sorry, my landlord will not let me keep a dog long term, and would like me to move it out soon." Since you know the landlord will not allow you to keep it long term, tell him that. This also makes it about problems with the location, rather than problems with the cat or you not liking the dog, and preserves good relations. (Since the other dog belongs to the landlord's son, the rules for him may be slightly different.)

If possible though I'd move the dog out before you bring your cat back. With a cat-killing dog, there's an accident waiting to happen.

hannahmollysmom:
I do like the dog, but feel bad for my cat.

I also feel bad for the dog. She didn't ask to be in this situation. I just need to get a stronger spine! I also am willing to try and rehome her before I take her to a shelter. And.if.I had. to. it would. be. a NO KILL shelter.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page