Is it wrong to use another kid's opinion UPDATE Pg. 4

[Sophia]

...*Seriously, I wanted to go in there and throw my arms around that kid, but I figured that would be weird.

I think you should tell the story to the other kid's parents.  This made me laugh, though.

[weeblewobble]

...*Seriously, I wanted to go in there and throw my arms around that kid, but I figured that would be weird.

I think you should tell the story to the other kid's parents.  This made me laugh, though.

Oh, trust me, I did a short time later.  I've already let them know we appreciate how sweet and well-mannered their kids are, but after that, I was sure to go by and tell them.  The dad was so pleased to hear that his son is a "gentleman."

[TootsNYC]

hooray for those kids!

That's absolutely the best possible way to prevent bullying, etc.

And yay for telling their parents.

I personally might also say to each of those kids individually, in a quiet moment away from other kids, that I happened to witness that and admired them for being quick thinking AND for being willing to speak up about something they thought was inappropriate. And say to them, "That sort of thing you did is the best way to fight bullying, so that people who say mean things realize they lose points with the people around them. And so that the person being picked on feels defended. It matters a LOT when it comes from other kids instead of parents."

[kherbert05]

Your new neighbors are a treat. I love how they have taken the wind out of Kayla's sails. She might learn from this and develop into a nice kid.  I hope it keeps up at school.

[grannyclampettjr]

I would agree with everyone, if Kayla and DD were both a bit older and set in their ways of thinking. Then sure, finding new and better friends seems wiser. However, since Kayla is only 8 and DD seems to like her, I don't think she's locked into being a one-upper for the rest of her life with no hope to change. Kayla is just a kid, so I can't imagine it would be difficult to debunk her stories.

"Oh, you went to the Bahamas? Where did you stay? Freetown? (I know Freetown is in Sierra Leon, but the 8 year old doesn't." When caught in a lie, you can then ask her why she felt the need to make something like that up.

"You dad's job is better than my dads? What does your dad do exactly? How is being a banker any 'better' than being a 'janitor'?"
At the very least she'd have to think about it.

I feel a bit sorry for Kayla as she seems to have formed a very materialistic and judgmental approach somewhere along the way, but that doesn't mean she can't be guided to learn to think about what she says and how it affects those close to her.

I'm agreeing with Reason on this one.  I'm friends with many of my childhood friends on FB, and while many of them told tall tales as children, and I knew it, they have grown up to be quite lovely adults.  Even the ones who bullied me a bit.   

Judging a child's future personality by what they are like now is a bit like judging how cookies are going to turn out before you've got all the ingredients mixed in the bowl.  You know?

[weeblewobble]

I would agree with everyone, if Kayla and DD were both a bit older and set in their ways of thinking. Then sure, finding new and better friends seems wiser. However, since Kayla is only 8 and DD seems to like her, I don't think she's locked into being a one-upper for the rest of her life with no hope to change. Kayla is just a kid, so I can't imagine it would be difficult to debunk her stories.

"Oh, you went to the Bahamas? Where did you stay? Freetown? (I know Freetown is in Sierra Leon, but the 8 year old doesn't." When caught in a lie, you can then ask her why she felt the need to make something like that up.

"You dad's job is better than my dads? What does your dad do exactly? How is being a banker any 'better' than being a 'janitor'?"
At the very least she'd have to think about it.

I feel a bit sorry for Kayla as she seems to have formed a very materialistic and judgmental approach somewhere along the way, but that doesn't mean she can't be guided to learn to think about what she says and how it affects those close to her.

I'm agreeing with Reason on this one.  I'm friends with many of my childhood friends on FB, and while many of them told tall tales as children, and I knew it, they have grown up to be quite lovely adults.  Even the ones who bullied me a bit.   

Judging a child's future personality by what they are like now is a bit like judging how cookies are going to turn out before you've got all the ingredients mixed in the bowl.  You know?

I definitely see your point, but I don't like the idea of my child being run down and insulted while the other kid "bakes," KWIM?

[greencat]

I think the pressure the group is exerting on Kayla to conform to social norms is going to be what bakes her, Weeble.  You were definitely right to limit your DD's alone time with Kayla though - young kids don't often have the ability to handle someone like her by themselves.  Nice Neighbor Kids are setting a great example for her and for Kayla.

Also, my "Kayla" growing up?  She didn't turn out so hot.  No one checked her pathological lying or her other bad behaviors - and last I heard of her, she was getting arrested.  I'm glad the NNK are dealing with her behavior in an extremely constructive manner.

Besides, you cannot react to the person Kayla might be in twenty years.  You can only react to what she is doing now - being mean to your daughter.

[gmatoy]

I would agree with everyone, if Kayla and DD were both a bit older and set in their ways of thinking. Then sure, finding new and better friends seems wiser. However, since Kayla is only 8 and DD seems to like her, I don't think she's locked into being a one-upper for the rest of her life with no hope to change. Kayla is just a kid, so I can't imagine it would be difficult to debunk her stories.

"Oh, you went to the Bahamas? Where did you stay? Freetown? (I know Freetown is in Sierra Leon, but the 8 year old doesn't." When caught in a lie, you can then ask her why she felt the need to make something like that up.

"You dad's job is better than my dads? What does your dad do exactly? How is being a banker any 'better' than being a 'janitor'?"
At the very least she'd have to think about it.

I feel a bit sorry for Kayla as she seems to have formed a very materialistic and judgmental approach somewhere along the way, but that doesn't mean she can't be guided to learn to think about what she says and how it affects those close to her.

I'm agreeing with Reason on this one.  I'm friends with many of my childhood friends on FB, and while many of them told tall tales as children, and I knew it, they have grown up to be quite lovely adults.  Even the ones who bullied me a bit.   

Judging a child's future personality by what they are like now is a bit like judging how cookies are going to turn out before you've got all the ingredients mixed in the bowl.  You know?

While I agree that often a bullying child grows up to be an upstanding citizen, I also know people who will not go to any reunions because of the (former)bully. Over 40 years later, and it (the bullying) still affects their mental picture of themselves. So, while the bully got over it, the one being bullied didn't.

[weeblewobble]

UPDATE: Well, Kayla has informed DD that they are no longer friends. 

DD said the girls were riding the bus home from school and the following conversation happened:

Kayla: My class is SO going to win the school's Especially Awesome Good Behavior Award for Best Class this week.  We have 70 points.

DD: But my class has 90 points.

Kayla: NO YOU DON'T.

Nice Neighbor Kid Brother pops his head up over their bus seat:  Yeah, they do.  I looked at the board before we left school.  And my class has 85.  Your class is in third place.

Kayla: That's it. DD, we're not friends any more.

DD: OK, then.

We'll see how long that lasts, but for now, DD isn't that concerned.  She's out playing with 5 or 6 kids from the neighborhood and having a good time.
 

[WillyNilly]

DD: OK, then.

hahahahaha!  Love it!

[violinp]

I think I may have injured myself with how fast my jaw dropped open. I was bullied in school, but no one ever called me a liar about class point stuff to my face.  Your DD has much better patience and tact than I ever did at her age.

[weeblewobble]

I don't think she was calling DD a liar so much as, "You can't beat me!  No one can beat me!!!"

[GrammarNerd]

How totally RUDE of your daughter to be in a class with a lot of good behavior points!  I'm SURE she orchestrated it for the sole purpose of annoying Kayla.  I can see why Kayla doesn't want to be her friend anymore.

(end sarcasm)

Actually, I'm liking these nice neighbor kids of yours more and more.  I suspect that some of your talks with DD have removed the blinders from her eyes and she can now see through Kayla's tall tales and entitled ramblings. 

So did you give DD and good neighbor boy high-fives when you heard the story?  I SO would have!  They handled it beautifully!

I wonder if Kayla is going to escalate now that she knows she's not getting to your DD as much anymore?  I'd just be cautious....I don't think the Kaylas of the world like it very much when you take their power away, and she may do some nasty (nastier) things to try to get it back.

[weeblewobble]

Grammar Nerd, I've already cautioned her.  As for escalation, DD said that on the fated bus ride, Kayla turned around and told Nice Kid Sister not to play with DD anymore, because Kayla and DD weren't friends.  Nice Kid Sister said, "I don't know what you're talking about." and kept talking to DD.

DD believes Kayla was already "upset" with her because at lunch, earlier in the day, one of the more popular girls in class had complimented DD on her new t-shirt.  It says "peace" in about a dozen languages in glittery script.  Kayla said, "So, what, it just says 'I love you' over and over."  DD said, "No, it says, 'peace.'"  Kayla told DD off for "trying to be right all of the time."  DD shrugged and went back to eating her lunch.

I did give DD a high five! I am so proud of her as a few months ago, Kayla getting mad at her or threatening her with "we're not friends anymore" would have sent DD into a tizzy. Now that DD has more friends  and is a little more confident about people liking her, she's able to shrug it off.

[JenJay]

Wow, sounds like Kayla has a big, life-altering decision to make. Realize what's happening and straighten yourself out or dig your heels in and have a very lonely year.

I'm so happy for your DD! The neighbor kids are angels!!