Never Mind

[Amara]

I think this wasn't much of an etiquette question so I deleted it. Sorry!

[Hmmmmm]

I have tried to write out a post twice now about an unpleasant guest situation I just had. But it doesn't really work. So what I want to do is share what behaviors particularly annoyed me--because I wouldn't do them or even think of doing them--about this situation and how I would have acted. Maybe a kind of "she/he/they did" and "I would do" post.

She (was due to come back on a weekly basis for a while for one or maybe two times per night):
     Left bed completely unmade (this is probably the thing that most enraged me)
     Left damp towels on bathroom counter
     Left damp bath mat on floor
     Shoved aside food in freezer and refrigerator for hers
     Assumed my books could be hers (*this could get her hands chopped off*)
     Kept food in her room when I have strict, strict rules against that
Did you tell her you would like the bed made or where to hang her towels?  Bath mats are always left on the floor in my home.  I'd find it odd if a guest hung it somewhere unless it was completely soaked.  Did you see her bring in the food and offer to make space?  The only part of this list I finally really rude is using books without asking or keeping food in her room after being told not to.

I (always because I think I should be at least as considerate to others as I am to myself):
     Always make my bed; if I am leaving I ask the hostess how she wants me to handle the bed
     Bring my own pillow (if I am going to drool at all, it should not be on someone else's pillow
I never expect a guest to bring their own pillow.  That is what pillow protectors and pillow sheets are for.
     Ask if my hostess wants me to do some laundry and re-make the bed
I would not expect a guest to do this for a 2 or 3 night stay.  Ask me what they should do with the bed linnen but I wouldn't expect a guest to ask about doin the laundry.
     If I bring any food at all, I bring as little as I can--and I ask where she would prefer I put it in the refrigerator
     Abide by all rules of the house
     Never assume anything about any book, the television, the stereo, or the pets
I personally expect a guest to use the entertainment options I provide, whether the TV, Stereo, Pool, or magazines or books.  If the books are out on a public shelf, they are there to be used by anyone in the home.
     Keep things neater and cleaner than I even do at home
     Always wash, dry, and put away any dishes I use, and never say "this dish isn't big enough"
If I'm making oatmeal in the microwave and I know the bowl I'm provided is too small because the oatmel will swell while cooking and make a complete mess, I'll definately say the bowl is too small may I have a larger one.
     Don't spend hours in the room alone so the hostess never needs to wonder what I am doing in there
Why would you be wondering what they are doing in the room.  I'd bet the guest picked up on your displeasure of having a houseguest and was trying to stay out of your way.

Oh, and said acquaintance won't be back any more. (I did finally discover my spine, albeit a bit late.) I also see she is still trolling for rooms on CL and seems to be getting more desperate. Gee, I wonder why. 

All in all, it sounds like maybe this wasn't a guest you invited to stay with you but someone for whom you were doing a favor by offering a place to stay.

[gramma dishes]

Sometimes it's hard being a guest because every household seems to "run" a little differently and what is vitally important to one person is pretty insignificant for another and vice versa.

Would it be helpful for you to be a little more proactive when the guest first arrives?  As in:

You can put your food here in this space I've left for you in the refrigerator.
I'd appreciate it if you'd make your bed in the morning.  I'm just more comfortable with the beds made.  House looks neater! ;-)
Here are the racks where you can hang your wet towels and I put the tub mat right *here* to dry.
In this house, all food is kept in the kitchen (or wherever you allow it).  I don't want to tempt insects and rodents. ;-)
You are welcome to read or look at *these* books, but those over *there* are quite special to me and I don't share them.

And when it's time for your guest to leave:

Could you please make the bed before you go?  I'll strip it and do the sheets later when I have time.
                                                             - or -
Before you go, you can take your sheets and pillowcases to the washing machine and get them started.  I'll take care of the rest.

....   etc. etc. etc.

In other words, maybe you could let your guests know what you want them to do before they start doing what you DON'T want them to do.

[SiotehCat]

None of the things she did would have really bothered me.

If she mistreated the books, that would have bothered me. If she had damaged the food that she pushed aside, that would have bothered me.

[Amara]

You're right. I wasn't feeling good about the situation that undoubtedly escalated the irritation I felt. Those things are relatively minor and just differences, after all.

[Amara]

Mods, can you remove this thread, please. I tried but could not. Thank you!