General Etiquette > Life...in general

When asked for money...

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Reason:
When a family member ask you to supplement their income until they get back on their feet, is it ok to ask them for their yearly budget to see why the money is required?

I don't mind giving the money if it's needed. She has gone through a divorce and with two kids and an MIA husband I suppose it could be difficult to make ends meet. But this family member wears prada and all brand name clothing/ has several louis vuitton bags for every occasion and I haven't seen any change in those habits since the divorce. The money she's asking for is also quite significant. A lot of people don't make that much in a year.

I don't really want to subsidize the addition of a new mink coat to the wardrobe. But if the kids need money for school or food,  or the occasional trip around the world then of course I will happily pay for that. Would it be rude of me to ask for a budget to see exactly how the money is going to be spent, or if I already feel like it would be blown on luxuries is it better to just not lend the money? I don't expect to see any of it again if I do lend it, but that's not a factor.

Kaypeep:
I don't know that it's rude, but I don't think it's a good idea.  If you have doubts about her money management and feel it's foolish to subsidize her, but want to help the kids, then tell her "Sorry, I can't help with that. However, I am willing to take the kids shopping for school clothes and school supplies.  Let me know if next Saturday works and I'll pick them up and take them out to do that."  This way, you control what's purchased and pick up the tab rather than give her cash and worry it won't be used for the intended purpose.

ETA:  I know someone who was also asked for money, ostensibly for food and medicine.  My friend wasn't so sure the money wouldn't be spent on other things but was willing to help and take a chance, so he gave gift cards to the grocery store (for food) and gift card to CVS for the medicine.  This way it had to be used for those things.

amylouky:
I don't know that you can ask to see their budget. But you can offer to help them create one (or pay for a session with a financial planner?) as a condition of your lending the money. I definitely wouldn't lend a large amount of money to someone that I felt wasn't prioritizing how they spent. I get being sympathetic, but part of having one's income reduced (actually the first part) is cutting expenses and realizing that your current lifestyle may no longer be possible. Sounds like relative doesn't get that yet.

Sharnita:
hmmm, If she has the designer stuff I wouldn't expect her to stop wearing what she already has - can you tell whether new stuff is being added? What I might do is tell her you will take on 1 regular bill.  So maybe it will be her water bill or her electric, or her phone bill.  Put a  time limit - 3 months, 6 months, a year.  Whatever extra expenses she adds or deletes from her overall living expenses are her call.

Zilla:
i don't think you can ask for her budget and really it wouldn't matter.  Because she will spend it on what she wants.


I would offer to pay a bill directly for her X amount of months if you are comfortable in knowing that the savings to her from not paying that bill might go to a new purse or shoes.

If you aren't comfortable, I would just decline outright.  I would then perhaps pick up the kids something for them directly.  Like clothes, a game etc so you can feel like you are helping a little at least.

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