Online da[color=black]ting[/color] question: profile pictures vs. reality

[Reason]

I would cut off the date before it started,
"You look nothing like your picture.  I would have still been interested in you if you've had a current photo.  Since the photo is from the last decade, it makes me wonder what else you might have lied about.  Good-bye"

Never tried online dating, but I agree with this. It does not seem good to start getting to know each other based on a lie.

[whiterose]

I wonder if the women my boyfriend me that had posted deceptive pictures (and possibly deceptive body type descriptions) carried most of their weight in body parts not seen on the pics. For example- arms (I do have bulging biceps), thick waists, large hips/derrieres, legs. So if they sent a pic of themselves from the chest and up that does not show arms and that has the head tilted at a flattering angle, there could still be deception about weight.

And yes, he had full-body shots showing his arms that were pretty recent. No double standard or even hypocrisy. I was as pleasantly surprised as he was 

Regarding body type descriptions, I could get away with slender, athletic, average, or curvy, since I have an hourglass figure, muscular arms and calves, a small waist, and large bones (I look like the letter X). I have heard the last two are often used as euphemisms by people wanting to hide extra pounds. But I do not want to say that I am slender either, since I do have muscles/curves/big bones. So I just list myself as athletic, since I do exercise often. Hopefully pics backed this up well- so far, nobody has accused me of not looking like them 

I do wear glasses- but do wear my contact lenses when having my picture taken- and nobody has complained about my glasses once they see me wearing them either. So glasses should not be a problem. According to another thread I posted about, braces should not be a problem either. Not sure about hearing aids- but I would not have a problem with them, even if they had not been displayed in the original picture.

[greencat]

I've had serious issues with guys not looking anything like their profile pictures.  Actually, after my last boyfriend and I split up but were still extremely involved in each others' lives, some mutual friends and I (we were all on the same dating sites) realized that his profile photos were all either extreme angles or reflected him at 50 pounds lighter.  He refused to acknowledge that the reason women were cutting their first dates short and never talking to him again was because of this issue or even that the photos he chose didn't accurately represent his appearance - I think they looked like his self-image rather than his actual reflection in the mirror, as he was in denial about his weight problems.

The guys I've been on dates with that had this issue, by and large, were ones who used photographs at least two years out of date.  I am really wary of men who don't have multiple photos showing changes in hairstyle up on their profile.

One guy went from looking like an indie rocker to a Jersey Shore reject.  His photos were two or three years old when I went on my disastrous date with him.  He messaged me again almost two years later and was still using the same photos, now four or five years out of date!  Another's photos weren't all that old, but he had started experiencing early-onset male pattern baldness between when his photos were taken at 18 and when I went out with him when he was 19.  I did not, if you were wondering, hold that one against him, although I would have preferred that he had more accurate photos available.

The flip side:  I've been out with a few guys whose photos actually didn't fully capture how very cute they are.  I met them and was pleasantly surprised.

[Raintree]

A friend of mine has a picture up that was taken 10 years ago. Firstly, it's a head and shoulders shot, and secondly, she's gained about 50 lb since then. And surprise, surprise, she is having rotten luck with the guys she meets.

I do not think she is deliberately trying to deceive; my belief is that she likes that picture of herself and doesn't realize how much time has flown since it was taken (and how she's changed in the meantime). I don't want to say anything because she is very sensitive, but I think if she'd just post an honest, up-to-date picture of herself, she could attract guys who are interested in her just the way she is, right now.

[WillyNilly]

A friend of mine has a picture up that was taken 10 years ago. Firstly, it's a head and shoulders shot, and secondly, she's gained about 50 lb since then. And surprise, surprise, she is having rotten luck with the guys she meets.

I do not think she is deliberately trying to deceive; my belief is that she likes that picture of herself and doesn't realize how much time has flown since it was taken (and how she's changed in the meantime). I don't want to say anything because she is very sensitive, but I think if she'd just post an honest, up-to-date picture of herself, she could attract guys who are interested in her just the way she is, right now.

You might want to encourage her to not so much take that picture down, but rather encourage her to put up more photos in addition to it.

As I said upthread, when I internet dated, I maxed out on photos - as many as I was allowed I had.  I had face pictures, solo pictures, with friends and family pictures, me doing stuff (I think I had one horseback riding, one skydiving, one with friends at Cirque Du Soleil, etc). 

I figured a lot of pictures told a story about myself as much as my written profile - it showed I had friends and maintained relationships with family, it showed some of my interests, it showed my personal style, etc.  And with guys I appreciated lots of pictures - you can tell if a girlfriend is cropped out (sign of a recent break up perhaps?) or if a guy has a dog, or there were plenty of guys with pictures with what appeared to be their kids yet none were listed on their profile, etc.

So maybe appeal to her like that "friend you have such a great and well rounded life, maybe putting up more pictures of yourself would help attract a better caliber date - guys who really saw you for you and appreciated all you have to offer! A picture tells a million words, best to have plenty up to really tell who you are."

[TurtleDove]

Disclaimer: I don't internet date. 

It seems to me that using out of date photos that are no longer an accurate reflection of current appearance is counterproductive both because it shows deception and because it reveals that the person is not happy with themselves how they currently are.  It's not an attractive quality to be unhappy with one's appearance (and this has little to do with physical beauty and more with the attitude that shines through).

[Kitty Hawk]

Not a dating situation, but a photo situation.

Back when I was working in an office, my female boss gave a speech at a convention. For publicity purposes, she sent them a photo from one of those "glamour photo shootings".  All I could think was, they will never recognize you.....

[spookycatlady]

I once went on a date with a guy with whom I had zero connection.  He had no interest in me either, but we had dinner anyway, just kind of commiserating about the weirdness of various people we had met.  He said he arranged to meet one woman who had described herself as average, and had an older photo that showed a model slender woman.  The woman who arrived at the bar was probably close to 300 lbs, by his estimation.  She explained to him, "But if you just got to know me, you would see how awesome I am!"  At the time of our date, I was probably around 250 lbs, and my pictures were flattering, but not deceptive.  I bring up that because I wanted to illustrate that the guy in question wasn't actually sizist.

When you're (general) proving yourself to be a liar, that is part of you.  Appearance has nothing to do with it.  Dishonesty and self-loathing are not character traits that overcome any imperfections you think you have.

So, yes. Very rude.  And sad.

Before I agreed to date my now husband, I had his profile on a 'watch list'.  I liked his profile and he seemed like he was a good match.  The problem?  I couldn't see his eyes in any of his pictures.  When he changed his profile photo to show his eyes, I sent him a first contact thingie.  I needed to see those peepers.

[nonesuch4]

As I said upthread, when I internet dated, I maxed out on photos - as many as I was allowed I had.  I had face pictures, solo pictures, with friends and family pictures, me doing stuff (I think I had one horseback riding, one skydiving, one with friends at Cirque Du Soleil, etc). 

I figured a lot of pictures told a story about myself as much as my written profile - it showed I had friends and maintained relationships with family, it showed some of my interests, it showed my personal style, etc.  And with guys I appreciated lots of pictures - you can tell if a girlfriend is cropped out (sign of a recent break up perhaps?) or if a guy has a dog, or there were plenty of guys with pictures with what appeared to be their kids yet none were listed on their profile, etc.

I'm a little leery of men who have to take their own pictures in the mirror.  I wonder if they haven't maintained any friendships or familial ties.  I am a bit suspicious of unlabeled pics of kids, too.  I don't expect first and last names, but without an explanation of who a child is, it looks as though a scammer had pulled stock photos and tried to create a profile family for himself.

[Raintree]

And what is with the ones who post torso-only shots to show off their chests? I appreciate a well-toned chest as much as the next person, but I'd never respond to a profile in which the guy posted a picture of just his torso. Something about it screams, "I think I'm an amazing catch because I work out and just LOOK at my chest!! Women should be falling all over themselves to go out with me!" I don't know any women who would actually go for that. (Sorry to go off-topic).

[Sophia]

Speaking of annoying dating site photographs.  What about how almost every man (my DH included, we met on matchmaker) has a photo of them at some event with the ex cropped off the photo?  I always compare myself to what I can see of the EX

[MariaE]

I'm a little leery of men who have to take their own pictures in the mirror.  I wonder if they haven't maintained any friendships or familial ties.  I am a bit suspicious of unlabeled pics of kids, too.  I don't expect first and last names, but without an explanation of who a child is, it looks as though a scammer had pulled stock photos and tried to create a profile family for himself.

The mirror thing wouldn't bother me. I'd just assume that he was too embarrassed to tell anybody he needed a photo for an online dating site. The unlabeled pics of kids I agree with though.

[RingTailedLemur]

Speaking of annoying dating site photographs.  What about how almost every man (my DH included, we met on matchmaker) has a photo of them at some event with the ex cropped off the photo?  I always compare myself to what I can see of the EX

I saw a story about a guy in a magazine who used his own wedding photos on a dating site... although he was still married.

[Twik]

Something about it screams, "I think I'm an amazing catch because I work out and just LOOK at my chest!! ..."

Am I the only one hearing "wigglewigglewiggle" in their head?

[NyaChan]

Not anymore