General Etiquette > Family and Children

uninvited guests, children, and dogs UPDATE PAGE 2

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darkprincess:
Ok. first I want to state that no matter what happens any person who shows up at the event due to the invite of another guest will be treated politely and I will do my best to make sure that they are made to feel welcome because it is not their fault.

BG:
I am having an event where we have done casual invites to friends and family for a drop in party.
Because we have a newborn baby and there is a Pertussis epidimic everyone has been made aware that we require a vaccine for anyone coming to our house and no signs of the illness.
One person who has been invited has a roommate with a small child. The person has every time in the last 6 months that there has been a party or family event brought their roommates toddler with her uninvited. I have spoken with the hosts of said parties and they told me that she did not ask if the toddler could come. This has caused problems due to not enough gift bags and just anger at the disrespect.
Same person has also brought their pet with her to events even when the invite clearly said no pets (the host knew that the person had a habbit of doing this and was trying to stop it before it occured.)
Same person has also lied about getting the vaccine and eventually other family members paid for her and watched her get the vaccine so their wouldn't be a problem. This person is family and short of cutting her off I cannot not invite her without huge family drama. I am not ready to cut her off yet.


I am prepared to tell the person that their pet will not be allowed in the house or yard (I don't want a dog using my yard as a restroom when my children will be playing in it). This will mean the dog will have to stay in their car-not safe due to the heat. They already know through a previous events that their pet is not welcome, and I will not budge.

But what do I say when they bring toddler. She is not family, they have not asked if she can come, I do not know her or her medical history. It is not the child's fault so I do not want to make the child uncomfortable but I need to make it clear that they cannot bring other people to my events without an invite. I will be having an event in the future that I will turn them away at the door if they come with uninvited guests so I want to use this event as a way of making my intentions clear.
I will be telling them politely but firmly that toddler is not allowed in the same room as baby because I have no way of knowing their vaccine record and that child must be with person at all times.

I need some polite yet firm statement that somehow says that while I am not turning them away at the door today, I will in the future if they bring uninvited guests even if the person is a child. Please help giving me some possible statements that I can have at the tip of the tongue so I don't revert to being rude.

TheVapors:
The way I see it, I'd do either a before or after approach.

Before: Calling the Person Of Interest and reminding them that their pet cannot be accommodated. And, also that while you enjoyed Toddler's company that due to the whole having a baby in the house, that you must restrict strangers (and yes, strangers include toddlers).

I have to say even as I type it, that I'm not as big of a fan of the before here. I feel like it'd be scolding someone for something they haven't yet done at a party they have yet to attend.

However, the after is different. It's more like the "in-between" option.

Since this get-together is before the Big Party that you mention will be strict, (ETA: And by strict, I mean you'll actually be polishing your spine) you can gather up information from this get-together and then present that afterwards to the Person of Interest.

"Person, when you came to the get-together you brought your dog and you also brought over a toddler uninvited. I'm having a party next month that I'd love to have you attend, so I'll have to please ask that you not bring over any pets or other people, including toddlers, that are not specifically invited by me. From now on it will not be possible for me to accommodate additional guests/pets."

artk2002:
"I'm sorry, but we can't host people we didn't invite." "Because of the new baby in the house, we can't host 'toddler'".

Rosewater:

--- Quote from: artk2002 on August 17, 2012, 01:43:02 PM ---"I'm sorry, but we can't host people we didn't invite." "Because of the new baby in the house, we can't host 'toddler'".

--- End quote ---

This.  There is nothing wrong with people bringing uninvited children being turned away at the door.  You shouldn't have to compromise your child's safety in order to appear "polite".  To me at least this is more about safety than etiquette.  Your child's safety comes first and if that means denying admittance to those that can't follow simple basic etiquette then so be it.

Pets get turned away at the door.  It's breathtakingly presumptuous to assume your animal is automatically welcome in another person's yard or home.

Outdoor Girl:
I'd do a preemptive strike on this one, prior to the first event.

'You have brought both your dog and/or your roommate's toddler to other events in the past.  I must ask you not to bring either of them to my home.  If you do bring either of them, I will be forced to ask you to leave.  Please do not put me in that position.'

And stick to your guns.  It isn't rude to refuse to allow someone to trample all over your clearly laid out boundaries.  So if and when you turn her away for the first event, hopefully she'll get a clue and leave everyone at home for the second event.

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