Etiquette School is in session! > "Have you tried the bean dip?"

Beaning dipping King or just rude?

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So this is a situation that has come up a couple of times for me with the same person. At least he is treating everyone equal and doing the same thing. I'm not special to him (woo hoo!) but everyone is annoyed.

So I belong to a social group where people know each other by site and its turned into a loose group of good acquaintances. There is a wide range of people that are single, married, dating etc...We have new people show up all the time, and long standing members also. People from this group (SG) belong to other community interest groups (CIG) so there is some over flow. So its very common to ask about the person, what area you live, what you do for a living (retired or work or stay at home mom, etc). The organizer of the group is a fairly good friend of mine, as I've known her since before this group started and we have a good relationship.

One member, lets call him I, joined SG. in say Febuary this year and he nevers answers a direct question, it drives me batty. To the point where I have to bit my tongue not to say "What the * is wrong with you?" and I am generally a patient person. I also know that depending on what group he's visiting he will tell them his name is something else (in other words he's I in this group, A in anohter, M in another).

typical conversations are: me: I what do you do
I: isn't the weather nice

Me: I, oh you have a motorcycle, what type. (He already knows that I know a lot about motorcycles)
I: well, its got two wheels and.... (just looks away)
Me: does it have a make and model
I: bike

Other person (as we are eating/ordering): I what did you order
I: well sub tax, total, change due....

Seriously all his conversations are like that and doesn't matter who you are talking to. ONe SG member yesterday was asking him politely if he would have a real conversation with her? and he didn't respond to her, he turned to another person at the table and started a whole other gibberish conversation.

After a while there were some of us that switched tables to talk to others in the group and socialize. I came up in conversation among us (He was elsewhere) and we were frankly complaining about his approach. The SG organizer looked at us saying "did you ever consider he's just a really private person". We said yes but his responses are way over the top, because we know that there is a difference between being private and answering simple questions. I did tell the few around that I hope he becomes comfy enough to even answer simple questions.

So my questions now is how to handle it and it this something that comes under being socially awkward person. I mean he seems like nice person and some of us would like to talk to him even about a neutral subject ie the weather. Would it be really rude of me to just say "HI" next time I see him and move tables if he tries to sit down? Any other suggestions. Cause honestly I think he's rude.


I don't think a person who is "private" would give snarky answers like the bike and subtotal, tax question.  A simple "Harley" or "Cheeseburger" would have been sufficient without revealing anything.  Maybe he's not rude, but just socially inept.  He thinks he's being witty but he's not.  He probably has socialization issues if she can't answer a single direct question without an offbeat answer.  It sounds like there's enough people in the group that I'd just say Hi and avoid him going forward, then focus on other members.

The fact that he gives a different name in each group is creepy with a big red flag the size of Alaska. He sounds like someone to avoid and I wouldn't even bother with a "Hi". If he isn't interested in engaging in conversation, why is he there? Free Food? I hope you and others aren't giving him any of your personal information. Is there a leader/organizer of this group that can stop inviting him?

Eeek!  Creepy alert!  Either he's a bit insane or he's a sociology professor/grad student conducting an experiment.

I think I would have long ago stopeed trying to have a conversation with him. And I would use the name I first met him under, independent of where I meet him because that's his name in my mind.

Edited to fix messed up sentence.


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