Etiquette School is in session! > "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

Being addressed by first name

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TurtleDove:

--- Quote from: turnip on November 16, 2012, 04:40:55 PM ---- "insult or an intentional slight" - really?  What do you think they are saying about you or your character by calling you Ms Dove?  And I get it may be regional, but people must come from outside the region sometimes?

--- End quote ---

I am a lawyer and generally speaking we all talk to each other using first names, regardless of whether we are cocounsel or opposing counsel.  If I ask a colleague, coworker, or counsel with whom I am negotiating to call me "Turtle" and he or she insists on calling me something else, that comes across as an insult or intentional slight.  They are saying nothing about my character and a lot about theirs.  For what it's worth, I work nationwide and generally speaking, even in Southern states, other lawyers who uphold professional courtesy call me "Turtle" and I call them by their first names.  In my experience, lawyers who insist on calling me "Ms. Dove" do so not as a sign of respect but rather as a show of "I refuse to be friendly - our clients are at war and therefore so are we." 

turnip:

--- Quote from: TurtleDove on November 16, 2012, 04:49:35 PM ---
--- Quote from: turnip on November 16, 2012, 04:40:55 PM ---- "insult or an intentional slight" - really?  What do you think they are saying about you or your character by calling you Ms Dove?  And I get it may be regional, but people must come from outside the region sometimes?

--- End quote ---

I am a lawyer and generally speaking we all talk to each other using first names, regardless of whether we are cocounsel or opposing counsel.  If I ask a colleague, coworker, or counsel with whom I am negotiating to call me "Turtle" and he or she insists on calling me something else, that comes across as an insult or intentional slight.  They are saying nothing about my character and a lot about theirs.  For what it's worth, I work nationwide and generally speaking, even in Southern states, other lawyers who uphold professional courtesy call me "Turtle" and I call them by their first names.  In my experience, lawyers who insist on calling me "Ms. Dove" do so not as a sign of respect but rather as a show of "I refuse to be friendly - our clients are at war and therefore so are we."

--- End quote ---

That makes more sense - I think I misread you as saying that if a office assistant you never met before called you "Ms. Dove" you'd take it as a slight.

Biker Granny:
I personally don't care if it's Ms or Mrs. ::)  Never been anything for me to get excited about.  I will say at 50 I'm not over fond of being called Miss.

My generation grew up calling out friends parents and other elders Mr and Mrs.

My children's generation was more relaxed.  It was Mrs./Ms/Miss Mary or Mr. Joseph....never just the 1st name.

And if my Doctor's title has nothing to do with the social or business setting, I don't feel it's necessary to use it and I never point it out.  I also feel that is rude.

I have no problem if someone points out that they prefer the more formal but I agree with the others that if one starts out with the Mr/Mrs and it's stated that the less formal is preferred, it's just as important to respect those wishes.

AuntieA:
I am (almost - 13 days away) 58 years old. I am okay with former co-workers (including physicians), family, and business contacts with whom I have an established relationship (like the folks at my local Save-On Foods+ their pharmacy) calling me Audrey. I am also okay with individuals from workplaces where I am applying for work using my first name. However, when dealing with persons in a business capacity where the person in question has never met me, I do not want to be addressed by my first name.

Case in point - a few weeks ago, I had arrived home after shopping, and was approached by a gentleman in his thirties who was near the door of the townhouse two away from mine. He asked me, "Are you Audrey?". Turns out he is from the condominium association and wanted to ask me about a voting issue. I was in a rush and therefore didn't emphasize my desire to be addressed as Ms. AuntieA. The next time, though, I will correct him/them.

When out in a restaurant, store, or other venue where they don't know my name, I am okay with Miss, Ma'am,m or even Lady. Unfortunately, it seems that a lot of restaurant servers have defaulted to the overly-casual and IMO insulting "You Guys", and that I find offensive. "You Folks" is far more palatable.

Mental Magpie:

--- Quote from: AuntieA on December 12, 2012, 11:25:05 PM ---I am (almost - 13 days away) 58 years old. I am okay with former co-workers (including physicians), family, and business contacts with whom I have an established relationship (like the folks at my local Save-On Foods+ their pharmacy) calling me Audrey. I am also okay with individuals from workplaces where I am applying for work using my first name. However, when dealing with persons in a business capacity where the person in question has never met me, I do not want to be addressed by my first name.

Case in point - a few weeks ago, I had arrived home after shopping, and was approached by a gentleman in his thirties who was near the door of the townhouse two away from mine. He asked me, "Are you Audrey?". Turns out he is from the condominium association and wanted to ask me about a voting issue. I was in a rush and therefore didn't emphasize my desire to be addressed as Ms. AuntieA. The next time, though, I will correct him/them.

When out in a restaurant, store, or other venue where they don't know my name, I am okay with Miss, Ma'am,m or even Lady. Unfortunately, it seems that a lot of restaurant servers have defaulted to the overly-casual and IMO insulting "You Guys", and that I find offensive. "You Folks" is far more palatable.

--- End quote ---

I have to ask...why?  What's the difference?  In the past few decades, guys has failed to mean only males and rather means a group of people regardless of gender.  That doesn't mean it doesn't bother you, but I still wonder why.

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