Author Topic: Kicking out a new playgroup mom  (Read 36693 times)

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PastryGoddess

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #60 on: September 01, 2012, 10:34:35 AM »
Yes! Thank you. At first I composed a very long letter saying just how I felt about my interaction with her so she could see it from my point of view. Then I read it and was totally exhausted thinking about it. NyaChan you are sooo right. I practically cut and paste your response and said to her via email:

"I am unable to offer you enrollment in the (playgroup).  While the (playgroup) is a part of (local chapter) it does not guarantee enrollment. I understand this may be disappointing for you but the decision is final. I wish you the best of luck in arranging schooling for your child. Iím sure in time you will find the right fit."

So WeirdMom responds with:

"I was just checking if (daughter) would be ready to school the teacher said she is not ready. I changed my mind and she is with me I wouldn't try for a year or more for her to go to school. I might change myths who knows. Please keep me in. I want to stay in the (playgroup) at the (chapter). I was trying to contact you for a month and you finally emailed me I came to the first event right away. I wanted to meet the group so I can keep (daughter) sees other kids in regular vases while I teach her at home. I would appreciate you letting me make the decision. Thanks and have a lovely evening. Please keep in the (playgroup)."

I got this and instantly wanted it to be OVER so i fired off:

"I have received your multiple emails this evening regarding your needs and requests to participate in (playgroup). I have already stated on multiple occasions that it is not possible to enroll you in the (playgroup). Please do not contact me again regarding this issue."


More thoughts? Or are you as tired of this as I am? Incredible.

I'm not sure if she's contacting you via Meetup or via your personal email, but you may want to give Meetup a heads up.  I've had to have them step in a couple of times with stubborn members and it usually gets people to back off.

Roe

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #61 on: September 01, 2012, 02:32:04 PM »
Given the fact that she's not taking it well, you made the right choice.  She's not respecting boundaries....again. 

GrammarNerd

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #62 on: September 01, 2012, 03:04:06 PM »
Yes! Thank you. At first I composed a very long letter saying just how I felt about my interaction with her so she could see it from my point of view. Then I read it and was totally exhausted thinking about it. NyaChan you are sooo right. I practically cut and paste your response and said to her via email:

"I am unable to offer you enrollment in the (playgroup).  While the (playgroup) is a part of (local chapter) it does not guarantee enrollment. I understand this may be disappointing for you but the decision is final. I wish you the best of luck in arranging schooling for your child. Iím sure in time you will find the right fit."

So WeirdMom responds with:

"I was just checking if (daughter) would be ready to school the teacher said she is not ready. I changed my mind and she is with me I wouldn't try for a year or more for her to go to school. I might change myths who knows. Please keep me in. I want to stay in the (playgroup) at the (chapter). I was trying to contact you for a month and you finally emailed me I came to the first event right away. I wanted to meet the group so I can keep (daughter) sees other kids in regular vases while I teach her at home. I would appreciate you letting me make the decision. Thanks and have a lovely evening. Please keep in the (playgroup)."

I got this and instantly wanted it to be OVER so i fired off:

"I have received your multiple emails this evening regarding your needs and requests to participate in (playgroup). I have already stated on multiple occasions that it is not possible to enroll you in the (playgroup). Please do not contact me again regarding this issue."


More thoughts? Or are you as tired of this as I am? Incredible.

I think you did the right thing. 

And am I the only one who is totally stumped by some of the wording (bolded) in her last message to you?  What does that even mean?  I know not everyone is a great speller, etc. but some of that is so 'out there' that it almost seems that she was manically writing you the message and didn't even realize that a couple of parts of it made no sense at all. 

She seems to be escalating by trying to guilt trip you.  And if she's so concerned about her daughter having playmates and interaction, why did she ignore her at the event in favor of badgering you and other members?

And while I'm a bit torn about you notifying other members, I think I might, and just send out a message to say, "Just so everyone knows, we had a new prospective attend our last activity.  Because this affects the group, I wanted to communicate that, based on my impression and others' impressions that were relayed to me, I denied her request for membership because I didn't feel she was a good fit for our group.  If you have any questions, please let me know."  If she did her interrogation act with a lot of people, I wouldn't be surprised if you get a few more people letting you know that they're relieved and that they didn't want to say anything, etc.  Also, it just lets people know officially that she's not a member, so she shouldn't be calling for information about events, if she tries to sneak into things via someone else.

MamaMootz

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #63 on: September 01, 2012, 03:20:27 PM »


And while I'm a bit torn about you notifying other members, I think I might, and just send out a message to say, "Just so everyone knows, we had a new prospective attend our last activity.  Because this affects the group, I wanted to communicate that, based on my impression and others' impressions that were relayed to me, I denied her request for membership because I didn't feel she was a good fit for our group.  If you have any questions, please let me know."  If she did her interrogation act with a lot of people, I wouldn't be surprised if you get a few more people letting you know that they're relieved and that they didn't want to say anything, etc.  Also, it just lets people know officially that she's not a member, so she shouldn't be calling for information about events, if she tries to sneak into things via someone else.

This is perfect. Do this. It's not gossipy and it still lets everyone know.

OP, do you think she'll start badgering the members she was badgering previously to try and be let back in?
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yokozbornak

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #64 on: September 01, 2012, 03:33:47 PM »
Yes! Thank you. At first I composed a very long letter saying just how I felt about my interaction with her so she could see it from my point of view. Then I read it and was totally exhausted thinking about it. NyaChan you are sooo right. I practically cut and paste your response and said to her via email:

"I am unable to offer you enrollment in the (playgroup).  While the (playgroup) is a part of (local chapter) it does not guarantee enrollment. I understand this may be disappointing for you but the decision is final. I wish you the best of luck in arranging schooling for your child. Iím sure in time you will find the right fit."

So WeirdMom responds with:

"I was just checking if (daughter) would be ready to school the teacher said she is not ready. I changed my mind and she is with me I wouldn't try for a year or more for her to go to school. I might change myths who knows. Please keep me in. I want to stay in the (playgroup) at the (chapter). I was trying to contact you for a month and you finally emailed me I came to the first event right away. I wanted to meet the group so I can keep (daughter) sees other kids in regular vases while I teach her at home. I would appreciate you letting me make the decision. Thanks and have a lovely evening. Please keep in the (playgroup)."

I got this and instantly wanted it to be OVER so i fired off:

"I have received your multiple emails this evening regarding your needs and requests to participate in (playgroup). I have already stated on multiple occasions that it is not possible to enroll you in the (playgroup). Please do not contact me again regarding this issue."


More thoughts? Or are you as tired of this as I am? Incredible.

I think you did the right thing. 

And am I the only one who is totally stumped by some of the wording (bolded) in her last message to you?  What does that even mean?  I know not everyone is a great speller, etc. but some of that is so 'out there' that it almost seems that she was manically writing you the message and didn't even realize that a couple of parts of it made no sense at all. 

She seems to be escalating by trying to guilt trip you.  And if she's so concerned about her daughter having playmates and interaction, why did she ignore her at the event in favor of badgering you and other members?

And while I'm a bit torn about you notifying other members, I think I might, and just send out a message to say, "Just so everyone knows, we had a new prospective attend our last activity.  Because this affects the group, I wanted to communicate that, based on my impression and others' impressions that were relayed to me, I denied her request for membership because I didn't feel she was a good fit for our group.  If you have any questions, please let me know."  If she did her interrogation act with a lot of people, I wouldn't be surprised if you get a few more people letting you know that they're relieved and that they didn't want to say anything, etc.  Also, it just lets people know officially that she's not a member, so she shouldn't be calling for information about events, if she tries to sneak into things via someone else.

In the second bolded statement, I think she was trying to say she wants her daughter to see other children on a regular basis.  On the changing myths thing, I got nothin'.

bonyk

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #65 on: September 01, 2012, 03:36:27 PM »
I'm assuming it's an auto correct thing, maybe it was supposed to be two words "my mind"?

thedudeabides

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #66 on: September 01, 2012, 03:36:58 PM »
I think she wanted the opportunity to change minds.  Looks like she might be emailing from a phone with wonky autocorrect.

OP, I think you made the right choice.  I hope she leaves you alone at this point.

yokozbornak

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #67 on: September 01, 2012, 04:12:58 PM »
I wonder what kids in irregular vases would look like?  >:D

lovepickles

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #68 on: September 01, 2012, 07:15:49 PM »
This still really sucks. But I can't thank you enough for providing me with step-by-step support for this issue. I am so thankful for all of your responses.

This morning she emails me AGAIN with:

"Did I say anything wrong to you? Why you sound so mean? I need explanation. I don't have to be with your group. But I don't know you and I don't get it."

So I respond with:

"I have asked you, repeatedly, not to contact me regarding this issue. Yet, you continue to make further demands of me. This is harassment. Do not email me. Do not call or speak to me in person. Stay away from me."

Then she emails AGAIN:

"I never met anyone else so rude like you. It's sickening. You are not nice. I hope I won't meet anyone like you. I am in (local chapter) and I'll make sure to tell everyone"

While my last note was harsh I wanted to make my boundaries clear in the event she encroached again and honestly she pissed me off. I was simply floored that she included her last note about telling everyone. Go ahead lady ... you just met these people and I've been here for a few years not to mention I bust my but every week to put on a good event for the kids. Go ahead and tell them how awful I am. Sheesh.

I am in the process of becoming a leader in the chapter but due to some other scheduling issues I'm reconsidering. I let them know about my first meeting with WeirdMom and my first notice but didn't get any advice. That was also why I'm reconsidering leadership but I don't want to go into that too much here. I was thinking about forwarding the current leaders the entire email correspondence with a note that says:

"I just want to relay the correspondence that has taken place with WeirdMom. I want to emphasize that I continually set and enforced appropriate boundaries and they were continually ignored. Interacting with her has caused me a great deal of stress and anxiety. Please reconsider her (chapter) membership."

Think it is ok to send to the leaders? The woman WeirdMom called 7 times was actually another leader. While they are annoyed themselves I'm not sure if they care.  I could care less what WeirdMom says about me but I fear for the negativity WeirdMom will unleash if allowed to stay.

I'm kinda scratching my head about forwarding everything. But I am definitely NOT dealing with WeirdMom again.




« Last Edit: September 01, 2012, 07:37:18 PM by lovepickles »

Danika

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #69 on: September 01, 2012, 07:46:28 PM »
I've been following this but didn't have much to add until now.

Yikes, she is strange and I'm glad that you picked that up quickly and made a good decision not to keep her in the group. Definitely don't reply to any more messages from her.

I'm disappointed that the leaders that you wrote to didn't have more advice for you but maybe they just didn't want to escalate any drama. I agree that you should forward the whole exchange to them but I would just say "I just want to relay the correspondence that has taken place with WeirdMom. I want to emphasize that I continually set and enforced appropriate boundaries and they were continually ignored." Those are facts. I wouldn't add any more because the rest would be feelings and emotions. Unless you're close friends with the other leaders and have a very familiar relationship where you can trust them with the rest, think of yourself as a lawyer presenting evidence to a judge. What the leaders want to do with the facts is up to them. I say this just so that you don't end up getting accused of being overly sensitive, emotional, etc. by people (those leaders) who don't know you well. This way, you look reasonable, in case WeirdMom contacts them with "her side."

I POD GrammarNerd's suggestion of what to send to the other moms in the group. I really think you should send them something. Same advice as I gave above. Just include facts and then you can't even slightly be accused of gossiping. I am in a mom's club. If I experienced what others in your group did, I probably would not have said anything to the leader (you) because I tend not to speak up about things like that unless I'm very comfortable with the leader and it has happened many times. Because I would not have said anything, I would then be anxious about attending future events because I would be afraid that WeirdMom would be there. And I would be very hesitant to host things at my house because I wouldn't want WeirdMom in my house giving me the third degree. And I wouldn't want her having my phone number, etc. I would feel much better, were I in your group, if you sent an email indicating that WeirdMom would not be at anything and was not in our group going forward.


greencat

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #70 on: September 01, 2012, 07:48:38 PM »
I would indeed forward the results to the other leaders.  Add on a bit to the beginning though, in case the other leaders aren't 100% informed about what has been going on: "Heads up, the new member WeirdMom has been giving me problems regarding the playgroup that I run.  She repeatedly called (other leader) when told that I was not available, and behaved inappropriately at the actual meeting despite being asked to stop.  I removed her from the group due to her actions."  Go with your wording from there.

Also, this woman has conflated "not bending to her will" with "rude" and "mean" and "not nice."


TootsNYC

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #71 on: September 01, 2012, 07:57:27 PM »
I think the only thing I might have suggested was to not send the last email, and to simply maintain radio silence.

At this point, I wouldn't respond to any email from her at all.

AngelicGamer

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #72 on: September 01, 2012, 08:08:57 PM »
I'm glad that you're continuing your steel spine against WeirdMom, OP.  I do want to say something about the leaders though, as someone who has been one with co-leaders.

They have lives too.  It is possible for a crisis to hit everyone at the same time that you had yours.  It is possible for nobody to be near a computer or something that does email to help you.  It is possible that there was something bigger going on.

Or it's a test and you're passing with flying colors.  :)  I just wouldn't give up on them so easily because they couldn't get back to you fast enough unless this is a pattern.  If it is a pattern, then I am completely behind you, OP.  It just doesn't seem like it from what you have posted in this thread.




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RegionMom

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #73 on: September 01, 2012, 08:46:24 PM »
With the first page, I was wondering if WeirdMom is like DH's ex-coworker's ex-wife.

We were at a company gathering, and she latched onto two of us moms, and would NOT let us go!  We were talking about favorite restaurants, and mentioned a yummy chocolate dessert.  She asked us endless questions about how it was served, types of chocolate, other places that serve similar desserts, how we make chocolate desserts at home, and so on...

Turns out she was lonely from a slightly abusive husband that kept her isolated, and she was desperate to keep any conversation going with other women away from him for the evening. 

Anyway, WeirdMom is just cray cray. 
Do not engage the crazy.


Fear is temporary...Regret is forever.

lovepickles

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Re: Kicking out a new playgroup mom
« Reply #74 on: September 01, 2012, 08:55:15 PM »
Yes I agree. I am realizing that my last note was over the top but I'm human. Oh well. The crap thing is that I keep feeling guilty and sorry for her and putting myself in her shoes. I think that is her approach with pretty much everyone. But it JUST occurred to me that if someone said I was harassing them I would totally and completely apologize IF I ever dared to respond.