I Don't Do Floors

[January Girl]

*not sure where to post this. mods, move it necessary*

My old college roommate Nicole is getting married at the end of October. I'm super happy for her! Where there is a wedding, there is a shower and bachelorette party.

I got an invitation to Nicole's shower in September. It's hosted by one of Nicole's bridesmaids Rachel. I've meet Rachel several years ago at a weekend long festival. She was very nice and we got along well.

The shower is approximatly 2 hours south from my house. The bachelorette party will be after the shower on the same day in a town even further south in my state. So I will be 4 hours from home at the time of the bachelorette party.

The invitation for the bachelorette party was a bit vague. Rachel only put that we would be going out on the town to celebrate for Nicole. No indication where we were staying, transporation, etc.

I contacted Rachel and asked her what the plan was. She was very vague and asked me what we should do. Then I heard through the grapevine Rachel had thought about having everyone stay at her place. I don't know how big Rachel's place is.

Here's my issue. I can't sleep on floors. Even with blankets and such, I'm a mess the next day. I don't want to be a diva, but after a long night of bachelorette partying, sleeping on a floor and a 4 hour ride home would make for one cranky JG. Noooo one needs that. I don't know how many people are coming. Rachel's attitude is "we'll just figure it out". Thats great, but I might need to make arrangements ahead of time.

I do not want to cause waves. I want to go with the flow. I am more than happy to get a hotel room. A few of  my other friends going said they would go in with me for the room. Is there a polite way I can communicate this to Rachel without looking like a diva princess??

[SleepyKitty]

Rachel thus far sounds a little scatterbrained but not unreasonable. Do you have any reason to think she will respond badly if you just send her an e-mail saying you're planning on booking a hotel room close to where the party will be (if you're going out dancing, you'd want to book downtown, if you're having a party at someone's house, then you'd want to book by there) and could she please give you more details on where the party will be?

If she says something like, "Oh, I was planning on having everyone stay here", let her know you'll be taking a cab if there is alcohol involved (I could see a hostess wanting everyone to stay at her place to ensure there was no one driving after a night of drinking) but that you need to sleep on a bed. I can't see anyone (rational) thinking you were a diva for such a reasonable request.

[Redsoil]

Simply say to her "Sounds like a lot of fun - can't wait!  A few of us are going to get a hotel room, so as not to impose.  Can you recommend a good one?"

Then, if she demurs, add "Oh, no, I always make sure I book a room when I have to travel any distance.  I'm no good driving the next day if I don't get enough sleep, and that's the easiest way to make sure I'm well rested."

[WillyNilly]

Its totally unreasonable for anyone to expect an adult to sleep on a floor.  Sure a person can volunteer themselves to sleep on a floor, but no one else should ever ask them to.

But it sounds like the whole thing is not planned out yet.  Are most people so far from the bachelorette location?  Maybe Rachel didn't think it through and expected most people to go home to their own beds that night.

Are you doing this all via email?  I think it'd be fine to do a bit of research and then send an email to Rachel (or the group, depending on dynamics) with a few hotel and motel choices.  Include location, cost and how many can sleep to a room in the email.  If you can, even better to add if the hotel has a bar/lounge and a breakfast option.  Some hotels also offer the option of having two separate rooms that are next to one another and connect via an internal door - a fun option when its a large group.

This way you aren't asking anyone to do the work of planning for you, nor are you railroading plans, but you are putting the sleeping options out there.

[Shoo]

Why wait for Rachel?  Just tell her that you (and a few others, if that's the case) are getting a hotel room.  If she protests, then say thanks, but you wouldn't dream of imposing on her, and besides that, you absolutely require a bed to sleep in.

[Hmmmmm]

I don't think Rachel intended to make sleeping arrangements for the out of town guests.  I think she issued an invitation, gave the details of where the events would be (at least city locations) and then expected everyone to decide if they wanted to attend and make their own travel arrangements. 

I actually think Rachel might have felt put on the spot to suddenly realize guests were expecting her to come up with their overnight plans.  I can see where she is saying "Well, I guess they can crash at my place if they need to."  Especially friends of the brides that she has only met once.

If I were you, I'd contact one of the other guests and see if they want to share a hotel.

[siamesecat2965]

I don't do floors nor do I share a bed.  So I see nothing wrong with planning ahead, and making arrangements to stay in a hotel that night.  And I can't see how Rachel would be upset at people not staying at her place (if that's the plan) unless she's a total control freak.

I'm a planner, so if I were in this situation, I'd be proactive and start looking around for hotels in the area, and then make my plans based on what the final plans for the evening are.  And also see if anyone else wants to go in on a room. I don't see that as diva behavior at all. I'm in my 40's and while 20+ years ago, the floor or sharing a bed was fine, I'm way too old for that now.

[January Girl]

I'm a planner, so if I were in this situation, I'd be proactive and start looking around for hotels in the area, and then make my plans based on what the final plans for the evening are.  And also see if anyone else wants to go in on a room. I don't see that as diva behavior at all. I'm in my 40's and while 20+ years ago, the floor or sharing a bed was fine, I'm way too old for that now.

YES! I am a planner too. Add a touch of OCD and I'm going crazytown. This 'we'll figure it out' is okay for those who live close, but for me being 4 hours away is painful.

She said we're going out in the city. It's like saying we're going out in Chicago. Okay, Chicago is a big city. Where in Chicago? Actually Chicago? Or a suburb? North, south, east, west? I want to look for hotels, but there's no plan yet. And since I'm only an attendee I really don't have a say what and where we go.

[gramma dishes]

Simply say to her "Sounds like a lot of fun - can't wait!  A few of us are going to get a hotel room, so as not to impose.  Can you recommend a good one?"

Then, if she demurs, add "Oh, no, I always make sure I book a room when I have to travel any distance.  I'm no good driving the next day if I don't get enough sleep, and that's the easiest way to make sure I'm well rested."

I think this is perfect.  It takes the decision as to where you will be sleeping out of her hands, insures that you (and perhaps some of your other friends) can get a good night's sleep and is very polite.  It's not like you're rejecting HER house; you always do it that way.

[Snooks]

Why not just drop her an email and say "Hey Rachel, As I'll be travelling to get to the party I need to get my hotel room booked, what area should I be looking in?".  Just state it as fact that you need to get your hotel room booked, the same way that if you were getting a train you'd need to know what time you needed to arrive.

[MOM21SON]

I don't do floors either.  However a few years ago I splurged for a raised inflatable air bed and it came in a nice wheeled carrying bag.  It has come in handy several times and it is very comfortable. 

Just an FYI.

Other than that my only other idea is to decline.

[siamesecat2965]

I don't do floors either.  However a few years ago I splurged for a raised inflatable air bed and it came in a nice wheeled carrying bag.  It has come in handy several times and it is very comfortable. 

Just an FYI.

Other than that my only other idea is to decline.

i have one of these too!  As well as a regular inflatable mattress.  which isn't bad for a night or two.  but I still prefer my own bed

[CakeEater]

I suspect Rachel would be more than thrilled to hear that she'll have less people crashing on her floor. I agree with previous posters who said to just send an email asking what area you hould look in to book your hotel room. I don't 'crash' at people's houses any more after a few bad experiences. If there's no bed, in its own room with a closing door, I definitely find a hotel room.

[shivering]

I don't think there is anything wrong with booking a hotel room. Many hotels have liberal cancellation policies (confirm before you book, obviously) where you may cancel without penalty 24-72 hrs prior to arrival in case your plans change.

I'll also 2nd or 3rd the inflatable mattress idea. I have a twin sized aerobed brand mattress. It's super comfortable and I have it in twin size, so I can't get pressured to  share and it fits everywhere. It's a little more expensive than standard air mattresses, but well worth it. One of my friends slept on an aerobed for a year when she moved because she didn't want to spend the money on a mattress when this one was pretty comfortable!

[AndreaBeth105]

It seems to me that Rachel might be a little overwhelmed.  Would you be willing to pitch in and help a bit?  Since she asked what you thought, maybe you could volunteer to research hotels where everyone could stay for the night?  That could be done online and you'd be both helpful and comfortable!