Don't Drink from my Bottle! - Update #52

[BarensMom]

Background:  After several years of estrangement, DH and I have resumed visiting with his sister.  SIL was a drug addict for several years, finally cleaning up her act about 5 years ago, after contracting Hepatitis C. Most of the visiting falls to me, which consists of us going to lunch and shopping trips.

She lives about 45 minutes away by car, so when I drive to visit her I usually have a bottle of soda or water to keep me hydrated.  The problem I have is when she gets into my car, within 5 minutes, she is drinking from my bottle.  I've tried to solve the problem by providing an extra bottle for her, but she will drink from her bottle, then from mine.  If I order other than water at a restaurant, she will drink from my glass as well.  Of course, I don't want to drink after her, even though I know there's only a minimal chance that I can catch Hep C through saliva. 

My question is:  How do I handle this without insulting her? 

[Outdoor Girl]

That's gross even if she didn't have a potentially communicable disease!

'Please don't drink from my bottle/glass.  I don't like to share my water bottle/glass with anyone (or: the only person I share with is DH).  Don't bring up the Hep C at all; it is really a red herring.  This is completely about SIL not respecting boundaries.  If she picks up your bottle or glass, take it out of her hand and repeat, 'Please don't drink from my bottle/glass.'

[snowdragon]

I am not even worried about hep C with anyone I know - but I *hate* people drinking out of my stuff. I simply refuse to drink after anyone.  ( I don't eat after anyone either, to be honest)  After providing her with her own, and he still taking mine I am afraid I would  not care if she were insulted or anything else, evil stitcher would come out and say " You *had* to have it, it's yours, I guess you are SO much more important that I can do with out. " and do just that til I could replace mine. Lather, rinse repeat.
 If after a few times of that she  she did not stop taking my stuff, I would be sending DH by himself to see his sister.

[ClaireC79]

If it wasn't your SIL/someone with hep C would you say something? Most people would so you should say exactly what you would say to them (touch my drink and die' comes to mind but you may be more polite)

[Hmmmmm]

"SIL, I don't like it when anyone drinks from my glass or bottle."

If in the car and you see her reaching for your bottle, "That one is mine, the other is yours."

If she drinks from your glass at the table say "Oh, that was mine.  You can have that glass and I'll order a different one for me."

[cicero]

If it wasn't your SIL/someone with hep C would you say something? Most people would so you should say exactly what you would say to them (touch my drink and die' comes to mind but you may be more polite)

YUP

[QueenfaninCA]

Put your water bottle in the trunk before she gets in the car.

At the restaurant, tell her not to touch your drink before you actually have your drink. If she tries to grab it, tell her off in no uncertain terms.

Do you actually enjoy those visits or do them out of obligation?

[Shopaholic]

Does she do the same thing when you're with your husband?
How does he react?

I would say "That's mine" and move it away from her, then "would you like us to order you one of your own/stop at the store and get you one of your own?".

Probably not etiquette-approved but I might just ask her "why do you keep taking my drink?" next time I see her, especially if she does it every single time. And flat out tell her "It bothers me. Please stop."

[Judah]

What's wrong with the words you used here? "Don't drink from my bottle."  It works.

[Shoo]

"Hey, please don't drink from my bottle!"  And then give it to her and open a new one for yourself.

I'm not sure, but it kind of sounds like you're worried about offending her.  Like she might say, "What?  You think I have GERMS or something?"

Well, yeah.  She DOES have germs.  She has no right to be offended, if that's what you're afraid of.  You know it and she knows it.  She can't go around pretending her disease doesn't exist.

[Outdoor Girl]

I'm not sure, but it kind of sounds like you're worried about offending her.  Like she might say, "What?  You think I have GERMS or something?"

I'd respond with 'I don't swap spit with anyone but DH.  Get your own dingdangity drink and leave mine alone!'

[QueenofAllThings]

Taking a sip from someone else's water bottle to a) swallow a pill or b) because you are *dying* of dehydration is marginally acceptable.

Drinking from someone else's glass in a restaurant?!?!? That's just bizarre. there is no shortage of liquid refreshment on offer, and no excuse. What does DH say? Has she always done this?

When she reaches for your glass, put your hand over it and say (with a smile) "That's mine."

[Van down by the river]

Taking a sip from someone else's water bottle to a) swallow a pill or b) because you are *dying* of dehydration is marginally acceptable.

Drinking from someone else's glass in a restaurant?!?!? That's just bizarre. there is no shortage of liquid refreshment on offer, and no excuse. What does DH say? Has she always done this?

When she reaches for your glass, put your hand over it and say (with a smile) "That's mine."

I agree with this. I'm not a germaphobe by any stretch. I have no problem passing a drink so people can taste it, same with food. That said, the only person I would actually straight up share my drink with is my husband. He'd drink out of it anyway so I give in. It sounds to me like she is doing it on purpose. As often as it seems to be happening there is no way she is doing it by mistake.

 I keep thinking about that ep of Curb your Enthusiasm where Larry accidentally drank from Mary Steenburgen's mom's glass by mistake and choked on it.

[Outdoor Girl]

If your SIL comes to visit you, I'd hide your toothbrushes.  If she is this cavalier about drinking out of someone else's bottle or glass, I wouldn't put it past her to use someone else's toothbrush.  And if the gums bleed, that would make the transmission risk that much higher!

[Van down by the river]

If your SIL comes to visit you, I'd hide your toothbrushes.  If she is this cavalier about drinking out of someone else's bottle or glass, I wouldn't put it past her to use someone else's toothbrush.  And if the gums bleed, that would make the transmission risk that much higher!

Do people do that? That seems like a stretch to me.