Author Topic: Exhausted and overwhelmed - Update # 9 (that was fast)  (Read 8813 times)

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saki

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Re: Exhausted and overwhelmed - Update # 9 (that was fast)
« Reply #30 on: September 06, 2012, 11:13:15 AM »
I had wondered about whether your boyfriend was from a different culture. My husband and I also have different cultura" backgrounds. I think it's important that you don't view his background as making it impossible for him to do things like housework. Yes, cultural backgrounds make a difference to attitudes but they aren't some kind of trump card. You also have a cultural background tha HE needs to take account of. Unless you want your future to involve waiting on him hand and foot, you need to start telling him that - although you understand that he isn't used to it - he's not going to be able not to think about anything domestic if he lives with you again in the future. Even now that you're back living separately, you can still start this process. If you cook him dinner at your place, ask him to wash up. If you're cleaning while he's around, hand him a cloth/vacuum cleaner. And sit down with him and explain exactly what the women in his house are doing asnd how disrespected you felt when he didn't notice when you were picking up the slack. Tell him how unattractive you find his attitude towards domestic tasks.

Thuringwethyl

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Re: Exhausted and overwhelmed - Update # 9 (that was fast)
« Reply #31 on: September 06, 2012, 02:47:58 PM »
I had wondered about whether your boyfriend was from a different culture. My husband and I also have different cultura" backgrounds. I think it's important that you don't view his background as making it impossible for him to do things like housework. Yes, cultural backgrounds make a difference to attitudes but they aren't some kind of trump card. You also have a cultural background tha HE needs to take account of. Unless you want your future to involve waiting on him hand and foot, you need to start telling him that - although you understand that he isn't used to it - he's not going to be able not to think about anything domestic if he lives with you again in the future. Even now that you're back living separately, you can still start this process. If you cook him dinner at your place, ask him to wash up. If you're cleaning while he's around, hand him a cloth/vacuum cleaner. And sit down with him and explain exactly what the women in his house are doing asnd how disrespected you felt when he didn't notice when you were picking up the slack. Tell him how unattractive you find his attitude towards domestic tasks.

I completely agree - my mother has horror stories of when she and my dad were first married. He grew up in the 50's with his mother taking care of everything. My mom would get back from the hospital at 3 AM (she was a nurse) and find the dinner dishes still on the table, all the food dried on. NOW my dad at least soaks his dishes and helps with the housework!  ;D

My BF's sisters have been enabling  him, IMHO. They would complain but still do the work. Now that the most conscientious one is in another state it's high time he learns to pick up after himself. I know one sister is visiting the house during my BF's work/school hours to make certain it doesn't fall apart  ;) but that's it.

It's taking all my self-control NOT to wash the piles of dishes or pick up the backyard. BF has an acceptable filth threshold so I'm not overly worried; he's going to learn the hard way WHY people don't let things build up.  >:D