Author Topic: Don't Drink from my Bottle! - Update #52  (Read 12704 times)

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SPuck

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Re: Don't Drink from my Bottle! - Update #52
« Reply #60 on: September 06, 2012, 07:19:35 AM »
You're right, it is exhausting.  I only try to visit her once-twice/month because I always come back tired and a bit irritated.

She is not your sister. If your husband is not putting in the same commitment to these events, you don't have to either.

Shopaholic

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Re: Don't Drink from my Bottle! - Update #52
« Reply #61 on: September 06, 2012, 10:55:58 AM »
I find it very disconcerting that she carries a razor around in her purse!

I think OP that you are going above and beyond for your SIL.

rose red

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Re: Don't Drink from my Bottle! - Update #52
« Reply #62 on: September 06, 2012, 11:01:39 AM »
You're right, it is exhausting.  I only try to visit her once-twice/month because I always come back tired and a bit irritated.

She is not your sister. If your husband is not putting in the same commitment to these events, you don't have to either.

This is what I'm thinking the whole thread.  I don't understand why you're doing all this when her own brother doesn't.  OK, I understand taking care of her in an emergency, but why shopping and outings?

bopper

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Re: Don't Drink from my Bottle! - Update #52
« Reply #63 on: September 06, 2012, 11:06:47 AM »
My DH says she was never taught to reason things through, so she's just living day to day, clueless as to how the consequences of her actions affect herself and others.  How two siblings could be so different, I'll never know.

Honestly some people just do not have that "Executive Function" working all the way...the ability to plan and for-see consequences.

You may need to do that for her if you choose to interact with her.
So let's say you want to buy her some food.  It would seem that frozen meals may be the way to go...they don't spoil, they are easy to make, and there are "Healthy Choices" one could buy.   So you say "I will buy you some frozen dinners, which of these do you want?"
Or if she is doing something like shaving "Don't shave in my car. That is for the privacy of your own bathroom."
or "Don't drink my beverages. Adults don't share drinks unless they are married. Bring your own or I will buy you one."

You are assuming she is a fully functioning adult, but she is showing you she isn't. Be more direct with her., but still kind.

WonderWoman

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Re: Don't Drink from my Bottle! - Update #52
« Reply #64 on: September 06, 2012, 12:16:44 PM »
I have followed this thread and keep wondering:

Does your DH thank you for doing this? Does he realize how tiring this is for you? Are you spending time with SIL because you want to? Or is there an expectation that you'll take care of her? Is she unable to get to a store on her own?

You're not her social worker. Dealing with someone like this is work, not some fun outing with the girls.

Could your DH see if there are any support groups where SIL could make some friends of her own or find a way to get her needs met without it taking a toll on you?








BarensMom

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Re: Don't Drink from my Bottle! - Update #52
« Reply #65 on: September 06, 2012, 07:39:51 PM »
I have followed this thread and keep wondering:

Does your DH thank you for doing this? Does he realize how tiring this is for you? Are you spending time with SIL because you want to? Or is there an expectation that you'll take care of her? Is she unable to get to a store on her own?

You're not her social worker. Dealing with someone like this is work, not some fun outing with the girls.

Could your DH see if there are any support groups where SIL could make some friends of her own or find a way to get her needs met without it taking a toll on you?

To respond to your questions, DH knows how his sister is - I think he appreciates it because it takes the pressure off of him.  I take her out because she is alone, isn't in the best of health (the Hep C, a recent small stroke, paralyzed foot), and is on a very limited income.  Our outings are the only time she experiences going to restaurants and other places she couldn't go by herself.  The new senior complex she just moved to is supposed to start up with some classes and activities that I am going to strongly recommend to her, even if I have to go to one or two of them with her to "break the ice."

Believe me, as the boundary issues come up, I will deal with them.  But if she keeps on with trying to spread her bodily fluids all over my car, food, etc., the visits/outings will cease.  I have enough problems of my own without Hep C or whatever else she picked up from dirty needles.

 

EMuir

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Re: Don't Drink from my Bottle! - Update #52
« Reply #66 on: September 07, 2012, 11:36:42 AM »
I have followed this thread and keep wondering:

Does your DH thank you for doing this? Does he realize how tiring this is for you? Are you spending time with SIL because you want to? Or is there an expectation that you'll take care of her? Is she unable to get to a store on her own?

You're not her social worker. Dealing with someone like this is work, not some fun outing with the girls.

Could your DH see if there are any support groups where SIL could make some friends of her own or find a way to get her needs met without it taking a toll on you?

To respond to your questions, DH knows how his sister is - I think he appreciates it because it takes the pressure off of him.  I take her out because she is alone, isn't in the best of health (the Hep C, a recent small stroke, paralyzed foot), and is on a very limited income.  Our outings are the only time she experiences going to restaurants and other places she couldn't go by herself.  The new senior complex she just moved to is supposed to start up with some classes and activities that I am going to strongly recommend to her, even if I have to go to one or two of them with her to "break the ice."

Believe me, as the boundary issues come up, I will deal with them.  But if she keeps on with trying to spread her bodily fluids all over my car, food, etc., the visits/outings will cease.  I have enough problems of my own without Hep C or whatever else she picked up from dirty needles.

I'm just wondering what you get from the relationship.  Do you like spending time with her?  Why would your DH have to spend time with her if you didn't?