We Don't Want a Pet

[mageofmyth]

I am worried about her using your child to try and force you to get a pet.  In my opinion she had no right to mention it to a small child who might not understand that the woman has no say in the family.

I would tell her that you don't want a pet.

[StuffedGrapeLeaves]

Unless Lana is a total pet pusher (which is possible), the problem as you say may have been in giving the excuse of too little space.  As a pet lover I might assume that means that you really want a pet but just don't have enough space for one. 

So you move into a house...more space, a pet, yea!

Oh, she is a total pet pusher (specifically shelter dogs or cats) - not just to me, but also to other people.  I realize now that space was a bad excuse, but at the time it was the easiest one because DH, DS, and I were living in a 600 sq ft. apartment.  Even she backed off because she knew how small our space was.

I am worried about her using your child to try and force you to get a pet.  In my opinion she had no right to mention it to a small child who might not understand that the woman has no say in the family.

Yes, this is my impetus for saying something now rather than letting it go.  I don't want her to say anything to DS at all about pets. 

[Diane AKA Traska]

This woman is a hazard to animals everywhere. The very *last* thing one should do is to try to guilt or pressure someone into getting a pet!  Getting a pet isn't like getting an iPad or a sweater... there is a *lot* of responsibility in getting a pet, and every year animals are put down because they have owners who don't care. Why would you want to *increase* that number (the owners that don't care, not the put down).

[QueenofAllThings]

I love, love, love dogs. I think all children should grow up with them - but my children did not. I didn't want the responsibility and still don't. It's the same as having children - if you don't want them, DON'T HAVE THEM.

Simple, really.

[audhs]

This drives me nuts, I'm also allergic to almost all animals.  My kids know this and instead of saying daddy doesn't like pets (I had someone tell me I should't marry him because of this) we told them they make mommy sick, so this is what they tell people.  Then the oh so helpful people almost always start talking - to my kids- about hypo allergenic dogs.

Just say we don't want one and if she persists tell lher to back off it's not up for discussion.

My point in this is don't make excuses give reasons people like this will always have a solution.

(and for the record friends have one of these dogs that are supposed to be hypo allergenic and I still need my medication to spend time in their house)

[HenrysMom]

OP, if Lana is that bad of a pet-pusher, perhaps a discreet talk to her volunteer supervisor at her ASPCA shelter is in order. 

[LEMon]

I would go ahead and say something.  I would be livid (livid, I say) that she said anything to my child.  Talk to me all you want.  Don't make suggestions like that to my child.* (all this is purely my emotional response to this, your mileage may vary.)

I would say what many of the others have suggested.  I would go ahead and contact her now, not wait for her to do it again.  I would make it very clear that she is never to say something like that to my child again.  That I and DH make the decisions, not manipulation through my child. 
Then I would have one line that DH and I would repeat everytime she made a suggestion to us again.

[gramma dishes]

Her trying to manipulate you by going through your child is absolutely inexcusable and totally abhorrent.  I would make VERY clear "No, we are not getting a pet.  Period.  Please don't bring it up again.  And if  you ever mention anything about our getting a pet to our child again, that will be the end of our friendship." 

And it would be.

[TootsNYC]

. . .  She even went up to DS (who's three) and told him that wouldn't it be nice to have a dog or a cat.  For the next week DS wanted to know if we were getting a cat or a dog, but fortunately forgot about it after a week of DH and me constantly telling him no. 

I would call her now and say, "Here's what happened. I'm upset that you said this to my child and could have made him sad. Do not ever do that to my kid again--that's really mean to him!
   "And by the way--we are not getting a pet. I don't want to have to talk to you about the pets topic again. I'm bored with it, and I could get much more angry that I want to, because I'm still kind of steamed that you tried to manipulate my kid and could have really gotten him upset."

[Pippen]

If only more people were like the OP and knew the responsibility and commitment pets take. Some people are so unrealistic in their expectations of what is involved it is frightening and this friend sounds like she is in La La Land or else she is one of those pet collectors that is so obsessed by their animals she thinks it is normal and wants other people to endorse her choices by having them in the same situation. Bringing the child into it was very poor form. When kids play with my dog and express and interest in getting one to their parents I always talk them out of it rather than encouraging them.

[bopper]

"Lena, you keep pushing pets on me. Pets are a big responsibility and require time and effort.  All the commercials I see say to only get a pet if you can commit to it.  I cannot make that commitment. I do understand that you are trying to find homes for the animals and you think that we are nice people...but  Why are you trying to push a pet on someone who would just end up resenting it? Isn't that everything the ASPCA stands against?  "

[FoxPaws]

"Lana, I'm sorry if I mislead you. The truth is we are just not pet people and have zero interest in acquiring a four legged family member. You know better than anyone else how unfair it is to an animal not to be with people who really want it. On that note, please don't suggest such a thing to little SGL again. It's mean to get his hopes up when our answer is always going to be 'no'."

And if, for some wild reason, she actually shows up with a puppy/kitten, I give you my permission (whatever that's worth) to get good and mad. As in, "What the (not E)hell is wrong with you??!!!?? We told you we didn't want a pet. Do your [bosses] at [shelter] know you pull these kinds of stunts?!?!?!" mad.

[gingerzing]

I wouldn't try too hard to give reasons, even allergies, because she might just see that as an opportunity to argue why they aren't valid.

I might just say "An animal is a big responsibility, and we're not willing to take that on right now."

Seriously, if she volunteers for the ASPCA, she should know that many people do not take that responsibility seriously enough. Too many people get pets on a whim and don't provide appropriate care for them.

This.  So much.

And tell her to leave your kiddo out of it.  Especially since he is three and wouldn't have the responsiblity for a pet. 
And no being sneaking and getting one for a birthday or Christmas.  (For heavens sake, all rescue leagues that I know of tell you NOT to do that.) 

[CakeBeret]

Seriously, if she volunteers for the ASPCA, she should know that many people do not take that responsibility seriously enough. Too many people get pets on a whim and don't provide appropriate care for them.

I think you should use the above quote from "acicularis".

Lana: CRUD MONKEYS! you have a house and a yard now, you need a dog!

You: We do not have the time or ability to take on the huge responsibility of a pet.  You of all people should know that many people do not take that responsibility seriously enough and too many people get pets on a whim and don't provide appropriate care for them. Why would push an animal on anyone who says they can't care for one? I'm sure the ASPCA would not appreciate that at all. /bean dip/

Seriously if she's pushing animals on you I bet she pushes then on other people and that's not what a responsible ASPCA worker should be doing!

I agree with this completely. If she was just a big animal lover, I would take a different tactic. But as an ASPCA person, she should definitely understand that some people are just not suited for pets.

[chibichan]

My standard response to these people is to laugh and tell them " Hey , I can't even keep a houseplant alive ! "

Let her know that the pet would probably do better with people who actually want it .