We Don't Want a Pet

[Twik]

I think that if she's oblivious to your disinclination, you must tell her directly.

"Lana, please. I do not tell you how to run your family. Please do me the courtesy of not telling me how to run mine."

Because, really, this boils down to her telling you that *she* knows what a "family" needs - a pet. This is no less rude than telling someone that they need children, an opposite-sex partner, a same-sex partner, or whatever.

[Mikayla]

This woman is a hazard to animals everywhere. The very *last* thing one should do is to try to guilt or pressure someone into getting a pet!  Getting a pet isn't like getting an iPad or a sweater... there is a *lot* of responsibility in getting a pet, and every year animals are put down because they have owners who don't care. Why would you want to *increase* that number (the owners that don't care, not the put down).

I completely agree.  She knows very little about animal ownership or what the ASPCA is all about.

I don't even see anything wrong with telling her this.  "Lana, we do not want a pet for a variety of reasons, but more importantly, you're promoting irresponsible pet ownership.  Please think through what you're doing when you try to talk people into having pets, because when hasty decisions are made, these pets will be the victims". 

[Sharnita]

Right now our dust bunnies are the only pets we can commit to.

[Bijou]

I have nothing against animals, but I don't want one.  I'm allergic to most of them, DH travels a lot so the responsibility would mostly fall on me, and we also travel once or twice a month, which would mean either kenneling or finding someone to take care of our pet while we are gone. 

You should say the above to her, from your OP. I would also add that she is not to mention anything to your son about getting a pet. She was out of line with that remark.

It seems strange to me that someone who cares about animals would insist on placing one in a home where it would clearly not be welcome at this time.   I doubt the shelter would approve of her methods.
I also would be very upset if someone tried to go around me to my child to apply pressure for me to do as they wish. 
I agree with saying the above bold statement and would add, "Our decision is not up for discussion with either us or with DS, so please don't mention it again." 

[bonyk]

"Because we don't want one.  And you, of all people, know what happens to pets that people take in that they don't really want."

[artk2002]

It seems strange to me that someone who cares about animals would insist on placing one in a home where it would clearly not be welcome at this time.

It doesn't really surprise me that much. There are lots of people out there who can't believe that other people don't think exactly as they do. The pet pusher most likely believes that OP can and will love a pet just as much as she does, but OP just hasn't had the opportunity yet.

[Bijou]

It seems strange to me that someone who cares about animals would insist on placing one in a home where it would clearly not be welcome at this time.

It doesn't really surprise me that much. There are lots of people out there who can't believe that other people don't think exactly as they do. The pet pusher most likely believes that OP can and will love a pet just as much as she does, but OP just hasn't had the opportunity yet.

If what you say is true, it is very tragic for the poor animals who are forced on people who really don't want a pet but crumble under the pressure brought by such animal 'advocates'. 

[RooRoo]

I used to do breed rescue for a hard-to-place breed (until my doctor and my husband told me it was too much stress).

I had one dog come back to me 4 times, because the people didn't listen to me when I told them the reasons the breed (and that particular dog) was difficult. Four times - and that was from people who wanted a dog of that breed!

This is one of the few times I think you should explain. But keep it short and terse. "We wouldn't be good pet owners, and the pet would be neglected. We would have to change our lifestyle before we could become pet owners, and we are not going to do that."

And, if she keeps it up - especially if she approaches your child again - I would definitely talk to her volunteer coordinator. She is being an irresponsible pet advocate!

[Allyson]

I seriously think this sort of thing happens because there's this idea that good, warm, loving etc people are animal lovers. And not wanting animals is a sign of being cold and mean. There's lots of fiction out there that supports this, and I hear versions of it a lot from people I know. 'I know he was the right guy for me because he liked my cat, unlike my ex', or 'My evil stepfather wouldn't let us get a dog'. There's nothing wrong with just not being into them, even if you have a house, tons of money and extra time, and no 'reason' not to.

[CaffeineKatie]

I agree with everyone who suggests you stick to "We don't want one."  If you give her even a tiny crack, I have  feeling she will show up with some pet, with some excuse along the lines of "I just wanted your kid to know how much fun a pet is" or "see how sad he is the pet isn't staying--Mommy's being selfish, isn't she?"  Draw a line in the sand quick, for the sake of your kid and the animals she has access to.

[StuffedGrapeLeaves]

I seriously think this sort of thing happens because there's this idea that good, warm, loving etc people are animal lovers. And not wanting animals is a sign of being cold and mean. There's lots of fiction out there that supports this, and I hear versions of it a lot from people I know. 'I know he was the right guy for me because he liked my cat, unlike my ex', or 'My evil stepfather wouldn't let us get a dog'. There's nothing wrong with just not being into them, even if you have a house, tons of money and extra time, and no 'reason' not to.

It doesn't really surprise me that much. There are lots of people out there who can't believe that other people don't think exactly as they do. The pet pusher most likely believes that OP can and will love a pet just as much as she does, but OP just hasn't had the opportunity yet.

I think art and Allyson have it right about her way of thinking.  She loves animals and can't imagine that her friends and family, who are all nice, kind people who have the means to keep a pet, just don't want one. 

I haven't seen her, yet, but will definitely keep these responses in mind.  Thank you all. 

[Tom H]

I understand completely, but now what if one of your grown children 'drop' off a pet on a move?  Or better yet, the spouse takes it on themselves to take that pet in - even when the other has the below opinion?.....  problems?


My consideration was that a pet is a ten year commitment, that I didn't want at this time.  I suppose the wife will remain home, tied to the responsibilities of that pet - as I travel. Anyone want to travel and paddle the US? (no dogs of course  )

Edited to take out link to poster's website. Please don't post just to promote your own blog. -Ticia

[Winterlight]

Tom, my personal rule is that the veto wins in a situation like this. Animals should not be brought into a home where they are unwanted- it's not fair to anyone, especially the animal, who can't make a choice to leave.

If I had grown children they'd have heard Mom's "A pet is a lifetime responsibility- and that means the life of the pet," until it was leaking out their ears. If they did decide to "drop off" a dog/cat/sloth, I would inform them that said pet was now going to be re-homed. They won't get it back when they're bored. I would then contact the appropriate pet rescue if I couldn't keep it for whatever reason. I consider "spouse doesn't want one" to be a valid reason.

And welcome to the boards!

[Texas Mom]

She even went up to DS (who's three) and told him that wouldn't it be nice to have a dog or a cat.  For the next week DS wanted to know if we were getting a cat or a dog, but fortunately forgot about it after a week of DH and me constantly telling him no. 

Attempting to manipulate you into getting a pet through your child goes way beyond etiquette.

It's time to politely but firmly tell her you do not want a pet and the topic is off limits.

If she doesn't respect you enough to drop the topic, it may be time to decide whether this is someone you want in your life.

I wouldn't allow her around my child again until she's proved she took your warning seriously.

[BeagleMommy]

Address the situation with DS first "Lana, you are NOT to manipulate OUR child with your desire to place an animal with us.  WE are his parents and WE make the decisions."  Next address the pet issue.  "Lana, we don't want a pet."  Lather, rinse, repeat.