Author Topic: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?  (Read 6854 times)

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gramma dishes

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #15 on: September 05, 2012, 10:19:23 PM »
No.  Not normal at all.

I think the several posters who have suggested that they're doing it to keep all the attention riveted on themselves may indeed have something.

But "possessing" a baby is totally inappropriate.  I think the truth is that they want to make sure (in their own minds) that they are the most 'familiar' to baby and therefore baby will love them more than other grandparents or other relatives.  (If it's any consolation, it's likely to backfire big time.)

Not healthy.  At all.  But let the parents of the child handle it.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #16 on: September 05, 2012, 10:50:29 PM »
Will POD those who say it's definitely an attention thing, cause it does indeed sound like it.  Course I'm wicked enough that I might give the grandma a "how d'ye do?" and then dote all my attention on the baby, while commenting to others "Isn't he cute? Look at the dimples/all that hair/eyelashes!" In other words, Grandma gets less attention than she would have otherwise.   >:D

*Not ignored, just less attention* My IL's are pretty good about this kind of thing though, thankfully. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #17 on: September 05, 2012, 11:28:52 PM »
I'm not a parent (or grandparent) but this does not sound normal to me.

How do the baby's parents react? If they're completely fine with SIL and MIL hogging the baby all the time, I suppose it's not really rude, since all parties are onboard with it...

Ida

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #18 on: September 06, 2012, 12:52:05 AM »
I'm wondering if the best way to get to hold J. Random Baby is to go on loudly about how you don't want to.

If anyone would like to test that hypothesis, please post results here.
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hannahmollysmom

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #19 on: September 06, 2012, 01:08:18 AM »
This is not normal! While I would love to hold my granddaughter all the time, it is rude not to share! It's almost like they want to be able to say "see, he only comes to me!"

Actually, now that my granddaughter is 15 months old, she picks who she wants to play with. And to be honest, she's so busy, it tires me out so I am more than willing to share! ;D

JonGirl

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #20 on: September 06, 2012, 05:30:55 AM »



And she would have been the first to complain if her MIL did that to her when she had her children.
I find it rude. And creepy.
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kherbert05

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #21 on: September 06, 2012, 05:45:09 AM »
Not normal - Not healthy. The parents should draw a line in the sand and tell MIL and SIL to grow up or risk not seeing this and future kids. When I hear stories about this the next part is about

A) how the younger grandkids can't live up to the 1st one. The older one is terribly favored/spoiled and the younger ones are given the shaft.

B) The kid hits a certain age and is rejected (usually toddlerhood when they "reject" grandma because they want to move and play not just cuddle) and the newest addition replaces the child in the grandma's affections.
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SuperMartianRobotGirl

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2012, 08:47:39 AM »
It is not normal, and if someone wanted that level of posessiveness over my baby, it would weird me out.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #23 on: September 06, 2012, 08:55:10 AM »
It is not normal, and if someone wanted that level of posessiveness over my baby, it would weird me out.

Me too.  My bff, also his godmother (not official yet but we call her that anyway), will call him "My boy" "My baby", but it's out of love rather than possessiveness.  She hasn't gotten to meet him just yet since she's several states away but I know that even when she does she'd more than happily share him with others. 

Not to mention, but by the time she does meet him, he'll be nearly 18 months so holding him for long periods of time just will not be possible. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Shopaholic

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2012, 10:54:27 AM »
No, it's not normal.

My BIL's sister is kind of like that - she sees Nephew very rarely, makes no attempts to actually go see him but when she does see him she monopolizes him. But she or her parents have never made such outrageous demands and my sister would never play along.
Nephew is now big enought to say who he wants to play with, and it's not her, but people who actually interact with him on a regular basis.

Cami

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2012, 11:18:48 AM »
Not normal at all.

I was the first grandchild on both sides and to say my grandparents were doting is an understatement. Yet, none of them ever behaved like that.

My mother affectionately remembered how she never knew who was holding me or watching me at any given time since "pass the baby" seemed to be the favorite game.  In fact, she also told me how embarrassed she was at both sets of grandparents for trying to force me onto everyone they saw with the attitude of: "Isn't this the most wonderful baby ever? Sure is! Here, hold her so you can adore her up close too!"

artk2002

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #26 on: September 06, 2012, 11:22:02 AM »
And we have another "snakes in a restaurant..."  No, this isn't remotely normal and needs to be corrected now. If it isn't stopped, it can only get worse. There are dozens upon dozens of threads here about the ways that in-laws can trample the parents (and others) when it comes to grand kids.
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Mikayla

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #27 on: September 06, 2012, 03:14:44 PM »
I have seen it.  But has he actually said, "Hello there little guy, my turn!"  smile brightly and hold out his arms?  Or play with him on the floor and if they try to intercept say, "Oh I am not done yet, will bring him to you when I am though." and go back to playing with him.


I agree with all PPs, but I too am curious about this.  If nobody's even tried, then this might help clarify the dynamics, especially whether this is grandma driven or SIL driven.  It seems that SIL did the initiating, but that doesn't mean she did.

darkprincess

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #28 on: September 07, 2012, 03:33:19 PM »
I agree that this isn't normal, but Cicero has a point (page 1)

When my youngest was born one family member believed she was great with babies and admittedly was a nanny when they were younger. But due to many medical issues the person was barely able to stand up without assistance and at the time needed a wheelchair but refused to use it. This person gave me a homemaid coupon book saying they would babysit, and made it very clear that they would be doing most of the holding of baby during family events. I didn't feel comfortable having this person hold the baby at all unless they were sitting on a couch with another adult sitting next to them. (like you would do with a young child holding a baby)

I asked a few key family members to watch and intercede when necessary. I know it made them look rude and pushy but it kept my child safe. A few months later she was hired at a daycare to watch babies and was fired during the first two hours once they figured out that she didn't have the ability to carry the babies, or even bend over to pick up a baby without falling down herself.

I am not saying that this is about you but it might be interesting to see if there is someone else in the family that might be causing such an intervention. Maybe a heavy smoker, someone who doesn't have immunizations during an epidemic, a closest drinker, etc

O'Dell

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Re: Is this the norm w/ Grandkids?
« Reply #29 on: September 07, 2012, 04:00:59 PM »
My friend's parents are like this with his and his wife's baby. I don't know that they ever called "dibs" on holding the baby, but they did monopolize her at the one gathering I saw them all at. They were pretty noisy when talking/singing to her like they wanted attention themselves...grandma in particular.

Everyone, including me, waited until they left before asking to hold the baby. If they'd stayed longer or I'd left earlier, I might have tried, but I didn't want to risk any hard feelings when my friends would be the ones to get the fallout.

Not normal. And not good on a number of levels.
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