Flirting w/Husband

[AmysAuntie]

 There is a very old thread on here about how to handle another woman flirting with one's husband.  Reading it brought back some rather "interesting" memories within our family.

My husband and I married after having lost our previous spouses to cancer.  Not long after we were married, we took a trip to AnotherState to visit his oldest daughter and her husband.  On this trip, we also met our Son-in-Law's mother and her husband.

I had been told a few little tidbits about how the MIL was more liberal in her sexual exploits.  One of her projects was a sex poetry website, among other things.  Okayyyyy, not my thing, but good on her, I guess.

Our first meeting was at our daughter's apartment for a BBQ.  We're all sitting outside and talking.  All of a sudden, for no apparent reason, she pulls up her blouse and flashes my husband.  I found it rather amusing because if she had known hubby, she would have known that would be the best way to send him heading for the hills.

Next day, MIL invites us to come over to the beauty shop where she worked and she'd see that we got good haircuts/  (I guess she didn't like the ones we had.)   My daughter's cut was finished first, so she went out to the waiting area while they were finishing up my head.

Imagine my surprise when I came out to find them all out there--with MIL plunked down in my husband's lap!     Poor hubby--I couldn't be mad at him--the look on his face clearly said he was just as surprised as I was.  I think he was afraid I'd take the sharp shears to HIM.

Now, I might have taken them to HER......

[MerryCat]

Wow... I've never met this woman, but my ears are burning with embarrassment for her. How did her husband feel about all this flirting?

I'll be honest, I flirt a little, sometimes, even though I'm married. But the difference is that it's a sort of platonic flirting that I do with both male and female friends. Even so, I could never imagine going this far with anyone. I would never say or do anything behind my husband's back that I wouldn't do or say to his face.

In this case, I'm not sure what the etiquette is. I'm pretty sure that taking the shears to her is a no-no, though, and giving her a taste of her own medicine by flirting with her husband could potentially backfire terribly. I think the best you can do is avoid her when you can, and try to be a barrier for your poor husband when you can't.

[AmysAuntie]

Wow... I've never met this woman, but my ears are burning with embarrassment for her. How did her husband feel about all this flirting?

I'll be honest, I flirt a little, sometimes, even though I'm married. But the difference is that it's a sort of platonic flirting that I do with both male and female friends. Even so, I could never imagine going this far with anyone. I would never say or do anything behind my husband's back that I wouldn't do or say to his face.

In this case, I'm not sure what the etiquette is. I'm pretty sure that taking the shears to her is a no-no, though, and giving her a taste of her own medicine by flirting with her husband could potentially backfire terribly. I think the best you can do is avoid her when you can, and try to be a barrier for your poor husband when you can't.

From what I gather, his husband is kind of used to her "going off the reservation", if you know what I mean, so it wouldn't have been a new thing for him.

I'm with you--there's flirting and then there's FLIRTING.  It stunned me, though, that any woman would have such brass ones as to do that right in front of the wife...not to mention that the wife is her DIL's stepmother.

Fortunately, we never encountered her on any of our other trips.  I think our SD made sure of that.  lol  Probably a wise idea on her part.

[Amava]

That is just utterly bizarre behaviour... 

[LifeOnPluto]

As far as etiquette goes, I'd fix her with a hard stare, and ask her, in a frosty voice "What are you doing?"

[cicero]

i wouldn't call that flirting.

that goes way beyond flirting and is utterly bizzare, inappropriate behavior

There is a very old thread on here about how to handle another woman flirting with one's husband.  Reading it brought back some rather "interesting" memories within our family.

My husband and I married after having lost our previous spouses to cancer.  Not long after we were married, we took a trip to AnotherState to visit his oldest daughter and her husband.  On this trip, we also met our Son-in-Law's mother and her husband.

I had been told a few little tidbits about how the MIL was more liberal in her sexual exploits.  One of her projects was a sex poetry website, among other things.  Okayyyyy, not my thing, but good on her, I guess.

Our first meeting was at our daughter's apartment for a BBQ.  We're all sitting outside and talking.  All of a sudden, for no apparent reason, she pulls up her blouse and flashes my husband.  I found it rather amusing because if she had known hubby, she would have known that would be the best way to send him heading for the hills.

Next day, MIL invites us to come over to the beauty shop where she worked and she'd see that we got good haircuts/  (I guess she didn't like the ones we had.)   My daughter's cut was finished first, so she went out to the waiting area while they were finishing up my head.

Imagine my surprise when I came out to find them all out there--with MIL plunked down in my husband's lap!     Poor hubby--I couldn't be mad at him--the look on his face clearly said he was just as surprised as I was.  I think he was afraid I'd take the sharp shears to HIM.

Now, I might have taken them to HER......

[Shopaholic]

i wouldn't call that flirting.

that goes way beyond flirting and is utterly bizzare, inappropriate behavior

Yeesh, that's not flirting - that's harrassment! And grounds for institutionalization.

[QueenofAllThings]

Yep, there's flirting and then there's just - whatever that is.

There is a woman the King and I know - I thought she was a maneater. The King didn't really agree with me (she was, after all, very attractive) and thought I was being harsh. One night, back when she was between husbands, she approached us at a bar to say hello. You could tell that I didn't exist to her - she was all up in the King's space. I left for the restroom. When I came back, the King was visibly paler. He said she had put her leg between his, and pressed up against him while 'chatting'. 

This is a woman with a pathological need for male attention She has turned, on occasion, her dubious charms on my sons (the youngest of which is 16). They are appalled by it, of course, bu really?!?!

[weeblewobble]

Well, if you want to be a little evil about it, you might bring up this behavior to her as if you are "concerned."  As in:


"You know, Flashy, sometimes as we get older, dementia starts to settle in before we even realize what's happening.  And one of the first signs is acting out sexu@lly toward people that in your rational mind, you KNOW would be inappropriate.  I noticed that you flashed my husband at the BBQ the other night and then, at the beauty salon, you crawled onto his lap.  I know that if you were thinking clearly, you would KNOW that this behavior is embarrassing and upsetting for your son, my daughter, not to mention both of our husbands.  So maybe you should consider making a doctor's appointment to get checked for early onset senility, or maybe even Alzheimers?"

This works on a couple of levels because it's about you being "concerned" instead of angry, and you're trying to be "helpful" instead of accusing.  And if she responds that she is NOT senile (because I'm getting the impression she might be pulling this sort of stunt to prove she is still young and sexu@lly desirable) then you can smile and say, "Oh, then you know better than to ever try anything like that again."


ETA : If you discuss this with her, it will inevitably come down to her telling you that you're too uptight and JEALOUS.  So both you and hubby need to be on board with making your boundaries clear.  If she crawls on his lap, he needs to stand up, get her off of him and tell her "Don't do that."  If she flashes him, touches him or speaks to him inappropriately, he needs to tell her, "Stop that.  I don't like it."

[rose red]

I would have laughed and maybe give her a pitying glance.  Anything else will prove (to her) you are threatened which is what her ego wants; that she's so sexy that your husband will think nothing of dropping you right then and there.

eta: I forgot to add to also rescue your husband away from her at the same time.

[VltGrantham]

I would be angry at her, but I'd be angry with my spouse too.  He needs to speak up for himself and say something.  When she flashed him, he should have said "Don't do that again, it's not something I care to see."  And if it happened twice, he should stand up and excuse himself.  As for her sitting in his lap, he could have certainly told her to get off of him.  Had she not, he would have been well within his rights to either stand up or if that wasn't possible to forcibly dump her on the ground.

This is more than flirting and it's blatantly disrespectful to the both of you and your marriage.  It should not be up to you to handle it, your husband should be handling it--even if it's uncomfortable for him to do so.

I've been told that I flirt too--but I have never been found with my derrierre parked in another man's lap or lifting my blouse to show off that which only my husband and doctor should ever see.  Nor would I excuse this with "oh, that's just how he/she is."  Maybe it's because we've had experience with things like this in the past, but, often I find that people like this are behaving this way to either feel you out and push your boundaries or for attention.  Either way, it's deplorable and should not be tolerated, not even for a second.

If you discuss this with her, it will inevitably come down to her telling you that you're too uptight and JEALOUS.  So both you and hubby need to be on board with making your boundaries clear.  If she crawls on his lap, he needs to stand up, get her off of him and tell her "Don't do that."  If she flashes him, touches him or speaks to him inappropriately, he needs to tell her, "Stop that.  I don't like it."

This too.

[gingerzing]

i wouldn't call that flirting.

that goes way beyond flirting and is utterly bizzare, inappropriate behavior

Yeesh, that's not flirting - that's harrassment! And grounds for institutionalization.

This.   Flirting is one thing.  This woman is on the hunt.  And flashing isn't flirting...it's "Girl Gone Wild - the Golden Years"
Sounds like your poor husband was mostly stunned. 

Raised eyebrow and a clear of the throat should get that woman away.  If not...well, you did say there were sharp things.  I think have mentioned that.   What a fruit loop.  (I hope you were able avoid her at all costs after that.)

ETA - I like WeebleWobble's idea.  That is brillant and so concerned.  Tut tut, poor thing.   

[JenJay]

I would be angry at her, but I'd be angry with my spouse too.  He needs to speak up for himself and say something.  When she flashed him, he should have said "Don't do that again, it's not something I care to see."  And if it happened twice, he should stand up and excuse himself.  As for her sitting in his lap, he could have certainly told her to get off of him.  Had she not, he would have been well within his rights to either stand up or if that wasn't possible to forcibly dump her on the ground.

This is more than flirting and it's blatantly disrespectful to the both of you and your marriage.  It should not be up to you to handle it, your husband should be handling it--even if it's uncomfortable for him to do so.

I've been told that I flirt too--but I have never been found with my derrierre parked in another man's lap or lifting my blouse to show off that which only my husband and doctor should ever see.  Nor would I excuse this with "oh, that's just how he/she is."  Maybe it's because we've had experience with things like this in the past, but, often I find that people like this are behaving this way to either feel you out and push your boundaries or for attention.  Either way, it's deplorable and should not be tolerated, not even for a second.

If you discuss this with her, it will inevitably come down to her telling you that you're too uptight and JEALOUS.  So both you and hubby need to be on board with making your boundaries clear.  If she crawls on his lap, he needs to stand up, get her off of him and tell her "Don't do that."  If she flashes him, touches him or speaks to him inappropriately, he needs to tell her, "Stop that.  I don't like it."

This too.

I could not agree more! My DH once came home and tossed a phone number into the trash. I was upset. He didn't understand what the problem was, I mean he'd tossed it immediately, right? He'd only taken it so as not to embarass her or hurt her feelings. I explained to him that even though he and I knew that, the woman who'd given him the number did not. As far as she was concerned my DH was out there in the world somewhere considering calling her, and that was disrespectful to me and our marriage.

[Judah]

When she flashed DH I would have told her how pathetic I thought she was. When I saw her sitting in his lap I would have said to DH, "Hon, you have some shmuts on you pants, you should wipe that off before it stains." 

She is sad and pathetic and desperate for attention of any kind.

[Twik]

This is a woman with a pathological need for male attention.

That's it in a nutshell.