Author Topic: Right. So moving on  (Read 7578 times)

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Pippen

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #15 on: September 06, 2012, 11:01:53 PM »
You need to make it clear that no matter how interested people are in these things, you aren't and you won't waste large chunks of time like this in the future.  There's nothing rude about asserting yourself and refusing to let your time be wasted.

An hour and a half for a 15 minute signing session, seriously? I would have been out of there after 30 minutes whether they had finished or not.

Your parents seem quite self absorbed and apparently they do not think their solicitor/broker etc have other clients.

Although the solicitor is also probably sitting there thinking, "Sweet, every 6 minutes these people sit here is another 6 minutes I can charge them for".

Lucky begger. At least he was getting paid to listen to it. Mind you he was probably thinking it was not nearly enough and I would be in total agreement with him.

greencat

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #16 on: September 07, 2012, 02:08:14 AM »
Next time, get your parts signed immediately.  Then inform your parents that you are finished, and that you are leaving in X time.  Do it.

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #17 on: September 07, 2012, 04:26:15 AM »
Arrive five minutes early and get the receptionist on-side. Explain that your parents do this and that if anybody in the office is to get any real work work today, it would be a good idea for somebody to put their head around the door after fifteen minutes and say 'Mr Jones, your ten-thirty appointment is waiting,' and to follow it up after another five minutes with 'Mr Jones, Mrs Smith is asking if you'll be much longer because she has another appointment.'

YummyMummy66

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #18 on: September 07, 2012, 06:43:54 AM »
If all you are there for is to sign, I would ask to have the papers that you need to sign and then be out of there. 

I don't see why you need to stay for the whole session at anytime just because your parents like to talk. 

But, like another poster stated, arrive early and speak to the receptionist or I would make your own appt. to sign your part of the papers.  No one says you all have to go at the same time. 

bloo

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #19 on: September 07, 2012, 07:01:25 AM »
I suspect that your parents are Extrovert...some Extroverts are the type if they have a thought in their head, they must share it.

Surely you would agree, Bopper, that Extroverts are capable of being polite and minding social cues, don't you? I don't mind gabbing at all with people I don't even know, but I hate, hate, hate the idea that someone is suffering my presence and trying to 'will me with the power of their mind' to SHUT UP! So I make sure to pay attention to cues that the other person needs to end the convo.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'm ADD and I hate to have to interrupt and end conversations so there are times I avoid starting them, especially with people I know that act like Pippen's parents. Since I have, at times, stood there staring at a chatterer, screaming, 'shut up, shut up, shut up,' in my head - I assume that others may be like me. I think I've reached a point where I can tell when someone wants to be in a conversation with me or at least wants to continue a line of thought with me.

An hour and a half for a 15 minute signing session, seriously? I would have been out of there after 30 minutes whether they had finished or not.

Your parents seem quite self absorbed and apparently they do not think their solicitor/broker etc have other clients.

Yeah I agree. If you have your own car, Pippen, maybe you could just say, 'It's been great...gotta go' and let whatever professional y'all are dealing with figure out how to politely disengage from your parents. Not to rag on your parents too much, but they do seem to be quite self-absorbed in this area at least.

Arrive five minutes early and get the receptionist on-side. Explain that your parents do this and that if anybody in the office is to get any real work work today, it would be a good idea for somebody to put their head around the door after fifteen minutes and say 'Mr Jones, your ten-thirty appointment is waiting,' and to follow it up after another five minutes with 'Mr Jones, Mrs Smith is asking if you'll be much longer because she has another appointment.'

Since you've already discussed their behavior and they're not modifying it (because they don't agree with your viewpoint) this might be your best bet. I don't like the sneaking around, though, which is why separate cars and taking off might be better.

Or you could let your dog drink a lot of water and not let her go potty but insist on bring her to these offices with you! >:D

heathert

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #20 on: September 07, 2012, 07:58:34 AM »
I don't think the OP has explained if she is their ride or they are hers, that does make a difference. If you don't "need" to be a ride either way, and you have an appointment like the ones you mentioned, maybe make arrangements with the receptionist that you will leave after X minutes and if they give you a signal of some sort, that after you leave you will call the receptionist and she can cut in and say "Important client Y is on the phone!" Then they can make their excuses.

I know it is extreme and they are grown adults who should behave maturely but it does not appear (to me anyway) that they are doing so.

Heather

Ginger G

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #21 on: September 07, 2012, 11:20:11 AM »
My parents do the exact same thing.  They are extroverts to the extreme and will carry long, drawn-out conversations with anyone willing to listen.  If I'm with them, I have no problem telling them we need to get going because I have something to do or the person we're meeting with needs to get back to work.  A few weeks ago I was in Wal-Mart and I heard a familiar voice a couple of aisles over, just chatting away to someone.  It was my mom in the pet food aisle telling a fellow customer (a stranger) all about her cats!

LadyL

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #22 on: September 07, 2012, 12:06:39 PM »
1. Tell them in advance you need to do X after the appointment. It can be real or invented but it needs to be a set appointment of some sort (doctor, vet, lunch appointment with a colleague, etc.) that you cannot be late to.

2. Make a point to remind them "I need to leave by 2:15 to make my X appointment."

3. If things run late you can make a fake phone call where you will mercifully be allowed to reschedule/the vet is running behind so it's ok if you come at 3 instead/whatever.

4. As they are gabbing away you interrupt to ask for the time. "Ok, just making sure, because we need to leave in 5 minutes so I can make my X appointment."  "Oh it's 2:15? Time to go!"

You will have to match their level of gabbiness with assertiveness bordering on pushiness. But this is how I manage LordL's parents, one of whom has unmedicated ADHD and will gab inappropriately wherever we go (and whose company we both can only take in measured doses).

JoieGirl7

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #23 on: September 07, 2012, 12:29:39 PM »
It's none of your business to save the world from your extroverted parents.  And it is rude of you to ally against them with a professional that they have hired to do something.  Better to just separate yourself and your own interests.

If you are there to sign papers and they are interfering with getting that done, then of course, interject that you need to get on with things, but don't do it in such a way that is critical of your parents' behavior.  It's not for you to judge their behavior and its for the lawyer to manage his own time.
 
Maybe the lawyer doesn't want to hear about the floor plans.  That's for him to say, not you.
 

bopper

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #24 on: September 07, 2012, 12:54:22 PM »
I suspect that your parents are Extrovert...some Extroverts are the type if they have a thought in their head, they must share it.

Surely you would agree, Bopper, that Extroverts are capable of being polite and minding social cues, don't you? I don't mind gabbing at all with people I don't even know, but I hate, hate, hate the idea that someone is suffering my presence and trying to 'will me with the power of their mind' to SHUT UP! So I make sure to pay attention to cues that the other person needs to end the convo.

I

Oh, like I say, SOME extroverts are like that. Most are quite nice! ;)  If you have ever had to sit through a class with a "must tell you all my thoughts" type person, you would agree with me.

My daughter doesn't like when I talk to a cashier or such...but I say I don't think any one minds a 3 sentence anecdote during our transaction.

bloo

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #25 on: September 07, 2012, 01:07:58 PM »
I suspect that your parents are Extrovert...some Extroverts are the type if they have a thought in their head, they must share it.

Surely you would agree, Bopper, that Extroverts are capable of being polite and minding social cues, don't you? I don't mind gabbing at all with people I don't even know, but I hate, hate, hate the idea that someone is suffering my presence and trying to 'will me with the power of their mind' to SHUT UP! So I make sure to pay attention to cues that the other person needs to end the convo.

I

Oh, like I say, SOME extroverts are like that. Most are quite nice! ;)  If you have ever had to sit through a class with a "must tell you all my thoughts" type person, you would agree with me.

My daughter doesn't like when I talk to a cashier or such...but I say I don't think any one minds a 3 sentence anecdote during our transaction.

Right on, Bopper! ;)

LadyL

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #26 on: September 07, 2012, 02:35:49 PM »
It's none of your business to save the world from your extroverted parents.  And it is rude of you to ally against them with a professional that they have hired to do something.  Better to just separate yourself and your own interests.

If you are there to sign papers and they are interfering with getting that done, then of course, interject that you need to get on with things, but don't do it in such a way that is critical of your parents' behavior.  It's not for you to judge their behavior and its for the lawyer to manage his own time.
 
Maybe the lawyer doesn't want to hear about the floor plans.  That's for him to say, not you.

I disagree. If the OP is uncomfortable and they are "exchanging looks" with the service professionals being subjected to these long diatribes it does not seem like they are unjustly annoyed or anything. I find the idea that the OP shouldn't judge them puzzling - isn't that what this whole site is about, judging whether people are rude or not? The OP's parents sound socially inappropriate definitely verging into rude territory. If the OP is doing them a favor by giving them rides or helping with paperwork their time is just as valuable as anyone else's and they have the right to say that 90 minutes of idle chit chat is not how they want it spent when it was intended to be spent on an errand.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #27 on: September 07, 2012, 02:46:41 PM »
It's none of your business to save the world from your extroverted parents.  And it is rude of you to ally against them with a professional that they have hired to do something.  Better to just separate yourself and your own interests.

If you are there to sign papers and they are interfering with getting that done, then of course, interject that you need to get on with things, but don't do it in such a way that is critical of your parents' behavior.  It's not for you to judge their behavior and its for the lawyer to manage his own time.
 
Maybe the lawyer doesn't want to hear about the floor plans.  That's for him to say, not you.

I disagree. If the OP is uncomfortable and they are "exchanging looks" with the service professionals being subjected to these long diatribes it does not seem like they are unjustly annoyed or anything. I find the idea that the OP shouldn't judge them puzzling - isn't that what this whole site is about, judging whether people are rude or not? The OP's parents sound socially inappropriate definitely verging into rude territory. If the OP is doing them a favor by giving them rides or helping with paperwork their time is just as valuable as anyone else's and they have the right to say that 90 minutes of idle chit chat is not how they want it spent when it was intended to be spent on an errand.

The OP is not complaining about being kept waiting bc she gave them a ride.  She is complaining because she has to be there to sign stuff and it is taking longer than she thinks it should take.
 
She can decide not to waste her own time but unless she is paying the lawyer, her parents' interaction with him is none of her business.
 
If I am an adult and I am having an interaction with a professional, that is my business, and not the business of anyone else except for me and that professional.  If my adult child were exchanging looks with that professional and casting judgement on me for any of my social interaction with said professional I would tell them to knock it off.
 
The OP seems to be under the impression that the professional somehow needs her help to manage his clients--he doesn't.

He also probably doesn't need her bringing a pet into the office with her to pee on the floor either.

GratefulMaria

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #28 on: September 07, 2012, 03:40:08 PM »
It's none of your business to save the world from your extroverted parents.  And it is rude of you to ally against them with a professional that they have hired to do something.  Better to just separate yourself and your own interests.

If you are there to sign papers and they are interfering with getting that done, then of course, interject that you need to get on with things, but don't do it in such a way that is critical of your parents' behavior.  It's not for you to judge their behavior and its for the lawyer to manage his own time.
 
Maybe the lawyer doesn't want to hear about the floor plans.  That's for him to say, not you.

I disagree. If the OP is uncomfortable and they are "exchanging looks" with the service professionals being subjected to these long diatribes it does not seem like they are unjustly annoyed or anything. I find the idea that the OP shouldn't judge them puzzling - isn't that what this whole site is about, judging whether people are rude or not? The OP's parents sound socially inappropriate definitely verging into rude territory. If the OP is doing them a favor by giving them rides or helping with paperwork their time is just as valuable as anyone else's and they have the right to say that 90 minutes of idle chit chat is not how they want it spent when it was intended to be spent on an errand.

The OP is not complaining about being kept waiting bc she gave them a ride.  She is complaining because she has to be there to sign stuff and it is taking longer than she thinks it should take.
 
She can decide not to waste her own time but unless she is paying the lawyer, her parents' interaction with him is none of her business.
 
If I am an adult and I am having an interaction with a professional, that is my business, and not the business of anyone else except for me and that professional.  If my adult child were exchanging looks with that professional and casting judgement on me for any of my social interaction with said professional I would tell them to knock it off.
 
The OP seems to be under the impression that the professional somehow needs her help to manage his clients--he doesn't.

He also probably doesn't need her bringing a pet into the office with her to pee on the floor either.

OK, I do get some of this.  I mean, if I didn't like what my children were doing, I wouldn't make long-suffering eye contact with someone else -- I'd deal with the behavior directly and politely, but certainly keeping in mind that we're around other people.

An attorney is an adult and responsible for his / her time.  They need to be able to gracefully wrap up a meeting.

OP, if you're not a ride, is there any way you could just make a separate appointment for your part of the transaction?  My mother's bank has done that with her and me when we couldn't find a day together for an annuity signing.


Pippen

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Re: Right. So moving on
« Reply #29 on: September 07, 2012, 04:00:21 PM »
Arrive five minutes early and get the receptionist on-side. Explain that your parents do this and that if anybody in the office is to get any real work work today, it would be a good idea for somebody to put their head around the door after fifteen minutes and say 'Mr Jones, your ten-thirty appointment is waiting,' and to follow it up after another five minutes with 'Mr Jones, Mrs Smith is asking if you'll be much longer because she has another appointment.'

That would be effective but it would also be treating my parents disrespectfully by getting third party involved in managing it. I don't really want to be having sneaky side conversations to preempt it.

They are all in different towns and cities so we go in the same car and will general block out at least half a day when these appointments come up so sometimes it feels like I am being held hostage. I can't just get up and leave on the pretext of having somewhere else to be. Oh that I could. Taking the pooch is pretty useful as I can just say I am going to take her for a walk but that gets me out of there, not the people we are having the meeting with.