Possibly the most outrageous request I've ever heard! Update pg. 9, 15, 20, 29

[Lorelei_Evil]

Susan should tell Dave, "I'm willing to step down from the bridal party. At this point, I don't want to be in it anymore. But if I don't attend the wedding, do you want to be the one to have to explain to Mom why I'm not there? If Louise will compromise that far, no more will be said about it. I respect her less for this, but that'll be between the two of us. You are in the middle of it, bro, whether you like it or not, because you're letting her treat me like a freak and acting like it's fine with you if she does. I'm really disappointed and hurt."

I change my answer to ^ this!

Double POD to this wording.  I hope this lunch will be just the two of them, without Louise (loved whoever had the Lousie typo I laughed for 5 minutes) so any message has a chance of actually sticking.  This is how family rifts start, and that's not usually a good outcome!

[Elfmama]

Considering that Susan's parents have raised her to believe she is not disabled and treated her as normally as anyone else, I can not see this going down well if she tells them.  Which is exactly why I think she needs to tell her parents.   It may not turn out to be terribly pretty but imo, Louise should not be sheltered from the consequences of being such a...a... well feel free to mentally fill in the blank with your own non-ehell approved word.

Surely there is an ehell-safe phrase for Louise.  Anal sphincter might be a suitable phrase, or aft matter expulsion portal.  Or ehell's very own bacon-fed knave.

[strangetimes]

Susan should tell Dave, "I'm willing to step down from the bridal party. At this point, I don't want to be in it anymore. But if I don't attend the wedding, do you want to be the one to have to explain to Mom why I'm not there? If Louise will compromise that far, no more will be said about it. I respect her less for this, but that'll be between the two of us. You are in the middle of it, bro, whether you like it or not, because you're letting her treat me like a freak and acting like it's fine with you if she does. I'm really disappointed and hurt."

I change my answer to ^ this!

Double POD to this wording.  I hope this lunch will be just the two of them, without Louise (loved whoever had the Lousie typo I laughed for 5 minutes) so any message has a chance of actually sticking.  This is how family rifts start, and that's not usually a good outcome!

I agree with this- as long as it's clear that Louise is going to tell everyone the truth about why she's disinviting Susan.

[Pippen]

Just throwing this thought out there and I could be well off the mark as I have no access to the dark and fetid corners of Louise's mind but it sounds like she set the whole thing up to cause problems.

They aren't good friends so why did she ask her to be in the bridal party?
She choose a unflattering dress that would mark Susan out as different
She know she would be unlikely to were her prosthesis but made it a condition

In my mind these were all set out to humiliate Susan or at the very least create an excuse to not have her at the wedding and drive a wedge between her Dave and his family.

[camlan]

Just throwing this thought out there and I could be well off the mark as I have no access to the dark and fetid corners of Louise's mind but it sounds like she set the whole thing up to cause problems.

They aren't good friends so why did she ask her to be in the bridal party?
She choose a unflattering dress that would mark Susan out as different
She know she would be unlikely to were her prosthesis but made it a condition

In my mind these were all set out to humiliate Susan or at the very least create an excuse to not have her at the wedding and drive a wedge between her Dave and his family.

I was puzzling over why Louise would have asked Susan to be in the wedding party, as well. My working theory is that Louise wanted to make sure that the prosthesis was worn, and that it was covered up as much as possible, so Louise figured that by asking Susan to be a bridesmaid, Louise could control what Susan wore to the wedding. Once Susan refused to wear the "special" bridesmaid dress, Louise could only control the situation by uninviting Susan to the wedding. Because Susan, as a plain old guest, could wear whatever she wanted. Or not wear what she didn't want to, in the case of the prosthesis.

[cheyne]

If Louise is having a hard time "adjusting" to Susan's arm, she needs to get over it ASAP.  If she can't get over it by herself she needs to see a professional to help her get over it.

Susan is not a random college friend of Dave's, she's his sister.  There will be many times that Louise will see Susan over the next 40 years or so.  If there is a genetic component to Susan's arm, there is a possibility that Dave and Louise could have a child with the same issue.  What the heck is Louise gonna do then, give her child up for adoption?

I know many people can be uncomfortable when confronted with someone who looks "different" than other people.  However, I would think that Louise has seen Susan enough to get over her discomfort, is there something else going on between them?

[Harriet Jones]

I don't think it's that unusual to have the groom's sister in the bridal party, even if the sister and the bride aren't particularly close.

[Pippen]

I don't think it's that unusual to have the groom's sister in the bridal party, even if the sister and the bride aren't particularly close.

True, but this from the OP "while she and Louise do not have to be friends, they have to be respectful and civil." it makes it sound like their is no love lost between them and it would be odd to have her in the bridal party. The whole dynamic is skewed. I think Dave wants to stay out of it because there is more background between these two than we are aware of. I wouldn't like to be caught in the middle of it either but he does need to pony up and deal with it.

[Iris]

If Louise is having a hard time "adjusting" to Susan's arm, she needs to get over it ASAP.  If she can't get over it by herself she needs to see a professional to help her get over it.

Susan is not a random college friend of Dave's, she's his sister.  There will be many times that Louise will see Susan over the next 40 years or so.  If there is a genetic component to Susan's arm, there is a possibility that Dave and Louise could have a child with the same issue.  What the heck is Louise gonna do then, give her child up for adoption?

I know many people can be uncomfortable when confronted with someone who looks "different" than other people.  However, I would think that Louise has seen Susan enough to get over her discomfort, is there something else going on between them?

Also, we usually learn in childhood that it is rude, rude, rude to show that discomfort (or even overt interest) at all. Most parents know that a small child confronted with a person outside of their usual experience will stare and ask awkward questions. We get embarrassed, although the person being stared at is often remarkably gracious about it, we remove the child from the situation if appropriate and apologise if appropriate, and then we have a 'discussion' about manners and making people feel embarrassed. I really don't see how Louise has gotten so far through life without learning this incredibly basic lesson.

I mean, I have had parents with really marked facial deformities come to PT conferences. Not one person in the whole room, from 12 year olds up, showed by the flicker of an eyelid that they looked any different from anyone else. If the 12 year olds can do it, so can Louise.

[Winterlight]

Susan should tell Dave, "I'm willing to step down from the bridal party. At this point, I don't want to be in it anymore. But if I don't attend the wedding, do you want to be the one to have to explain to Mom why I'm not there? If Louise will compromise that far, no more will be said about it. I respect her less for this, but that'll be between the two of us. You are in the middle of it, bro, whether you like it or not, because you're letting her treat me like a freak and acting like it's fine with you if she does. I'm really disappointed and hurt."

This. Susan should not have to explain anything. Let Dave say, "Mom, we disinvited her because Louise doesn't want to look at Susan's arm." See how he feels about that.

[Venus193]

Susan should tell Dave, "I'm willing to step down from the bridal party. At this point, I don't want to be in it anymore. But if I don't attend the wedding, do you want to be the one to have to explain to Mom why I'm not there? If Louise will compromise that far, no more will be said about it. I respect her less for this, but that'll be between the two of us. You are in the middle of it, bro, whether you like it or not, because you're letting her treat me like a freak and acting like it's fine with you if she does. I'm really disappointed and hurt."

This. Susan should not have to explain anything. Let Dave say, "Mom, we disinvited her because Louise doesn't want to look at Susan's arm." See how he feels about that.

Adding my vote here.

[BarensMom]

Susan should tell Dave, "I'm willing to step down from the bridal party. At this point, I don't want to be in it anymore. But if I don't attend the wedding, do you want to be the one to have to explain to Mom why I'm not there? If Louise will compromise that far, no more will be said about it. I respect her less for this, but that'll be between the two of us. You are in the middle of it, bro, whether you like it or not, because you're letting her treat me like a freak and acting like it's fine with you if she does. I'm really disappointed and hurt."

This. Susan should not have to explain anything. Let Dave say, "Mom, we disinvited her because Louise doesn't want to look at Susan's arm." See how he feels about that.

Adding my vote here.

But Dave won't say that.  He and Louise will make themselves look good by claiming ignorance.   It is up to Susan to let her mother and extended family know the truth.

[LeveeWoman]

I hope Susan prints out the e-mail in case she needs proof.

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

. . . I know many people can be uncomfortable when confronted with someone who looks "different" than other people.  However, I would think that Louise has seen Susan enough to get over her discomfort, is there something else going on between them?

I had a school friend "Miranda" whose older brother was born with a withered hand.  When we were about 10, someone asked her, "What's wrong with your brother's hand?"  Miranda looked puzzled and walked away.  Later she told me that although she knew her brother did some things differently, until that moment it had never occurred to her that there was something "wrong" with him.

As my sweet aunt would say, Louise needs to build a bridge and get over it.  We know from reality TV that people can even get used to girls with two heads.

[pierrotlunaire0]

Susan should tell Dave, "I'm willing to step down from the bridal party. At this point, I don't want to be in it anymore. But if I don't attend the wedding, do you want to be the one to have to explain to Mom why I'm not there? If Louise will compromise that far, no more will be said about it. I respect her less for this, but that'll be between the two of us. You are in the middle of it, bro, whether you like it or not, because you're letting her treat me like a freak and acting like it's fine with you if she does. I'm really disappointed and hurt."

I change my answer to ^ this!

I'm parking my POD here as well.