The sister should not go to the wedding and should calmly respond with the truth when asked that "the bride doesn't like that I don't have an arm." There are several reasons for this. First, since the bride will become part of the family, this will be the first of many such possible confrontations...birthdays, holidays, special events. It's not something that will go away, and should be faced now. Second, the true story needs to come out as I firmly believe the bride will blame the sister for not coming to the wedding, so the sister needs truth to be on her side. Third, the bride's behavior and how it will affect the family in years to come needs to be addressed prior to the wedding. I absolutely believe the sister's parents will be outraged. It's better to find out before the wedding how far the problem will go, and if a wedding should even take place.
It is not at all rude for the sister to tell the truth. I don't feel telling the truth is the same as putting posters up in the neighborhood or taking out an ad in the newspaper.
Substitute for the word disability, the words race/religion/place of origin, and see if you would still want the sister to remain quiet. "You can't come to the wedding because you are the wrong race/relgion/place of origin."
I don't believe the sister's parents will attend the wedding.
I would not attend the wedding.
Let's try looking at it another way, for the posters who want the sister to stay silent. Say it is your child that has a disability and someone insists you do something to hide their disability and tells your child. How would you feel? What would you do? Would that person still be standing after you heard them tell your child to hide their disability/crutches/wheelchair/face?