Possibly the most outrageous request I've ever heard! Update pg. 9, 15, 20, 29

[Amara]

How do the parents feel about this, OP? The demand by the bride is downright appalling (and much more) but it is the brother's attitude that especially stuns me. Does he think this is some sort of little "cat fight"?

[Judah]

I don't see anything wrong with answering "Because the bride uninvited me.  She thinks my missing arm will ruin her wedding so she told me I have to stay home."  Someone ought to knock some sense into the bride (and the brother!).

I don't see anything wrong either.  This situation would forever taint my relationship with both the brother and his prospective wife, even if they come to their senses and do the right thing before the wedding.

[lkdrymom]

What do the parents of the groom think? I can't beleive they haven't gotten involved.  And yes if asked she should say exactly why she was uninvited.

[Jones]

One more thing....if a rift in the family results from this, it is Louise's fault, NOT Susan's.

[WillyNilly]

Susan has no problem dropping out of the bridal party (at this point she doesn't want to do it any way) but is at a loss to explain to her family why she won't be at the wedding.  She doesn't want to cause a rift but she can't just refuse to attend without an explaination.  Dave, for the record, doesn't want to be put in the middle.

Susan isn't "refusing to attend" Susan has been uninvited.  She doesn't need to explain her "refusal" because there wasn't one on her part.  She can explain her absence with a quick & easy "I was not invited."  Its not pot stirring, its the truth.

As for Dave, he is in the middle regardless of what he wants, as he is one of the people getting married.  Its not "Louise's wedding" its "Louise & Dave's wedding", and any and all invite matters are 100% equally on each of them.  When Louise uninvited his sister, and Dave said nothing, Dave effectually uninvited Susan just the same as if he'd said the words himself.

[jedikaiti]

I don't see anything wrong with answering "Because the bride uninvited me.  She thinks my missing arm will ruin her wedding so she told me I have to stay home."  Someone ought to knock some sense into the bride (and the brother!).

I don't see anything wrong either.  This situation would forever taint my relationship with both the brother and his prospective wife, even if they come to their senses and do the right thing before the wedding.

I'm gonna third that. I know *I* wouldn't want anything to do with that wedding, as a guest or party member!

[Outdoor Girl]

I'd be talking directly to my brother.  'Bro, Louise is insisting that I wear my prosthesis or drop out of the wedding party AND not come to the wedding at all.  You know I hate that dang thing.  Bro, I love you but there is no way I'm wearing it for the day just to please Louise's sensibilities.  What's next?  I have to wear anytime I'm around her?  Not going to happen.  So here's the deal.  I'm perfectly happy to drop out of the wedding party but I really would prefer not to miss your wedding.  What do you suggest?'

Does Dave even know what Louise has told Susan?

ETA:  Oops.  I missed the part about Dave not wanting to be in the middle.  Dude, you need to be in the middle.  I'd still have the above conversation with my brother and make him tell me TO MY FACE that he is fine with me not coming to his wedding because his wife didn't want me to be there.

I'd be returning the gift I bought and reconsidering whether or not I wanted to have any relationship with my brother at all.

[TootsNYC]

When someone behaves horribly it is not rude ( when asked) to let others know.
" I will be not be attending the wedding because Louise asked me not to unless I wore a prosthetic arm. I am not comfortable wearing the prosthetic so I prefer to she asked me to therefore not attend"

Tell the truth!!!

Susan isn't "refusing to attend" Susan has been uninvited.  She doesn't need to explain her "refusal" because there wasn't one on her part.  She can explain her absence with a quick & easy "I was not un-invited because I didn't want to wear the prosthesis for my arm, and Louise told me that it would make her too uncomfortable to see me without it."  Its not pot stirring, its the truth.

[Piratelvr1121]

Whoa...yeah, I'm sorry but Dave's not coming out of this smellin' any better than Louise here.  Not wanting to take any sides? Bucko, you already did by not immediately defending your sister from this-this---well ehell wouldn't approve anything I can think of to call her. WOW.

I'd seriously consider that Susan should tell her parents and see what they have to say...

[AmysAuntie]

Dave needs to grow a set.  I foresee some very awkward family holidays in the future.

My BIL is a little person.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have considered not inviting him to our wedding.  But then again, even if I had, there would not have BEEN a wedding--my hubby wouldn't have gone along with that for one second.  The most important thing to us was having our family (most of it was on his side) present.

Susan should answer honestly when her family asks why she is not attending the wedding.  It's pretty awful even without embellishments.

[yokozbornak]

I don't see anything wrong with answering "Because the bride uninvited me.  She thinks my missing arm will ruin her wedding so she told me I have to stay home."  Someone ought to knock some sense into the bride (and the brother!).

This exactly!  Susan is not shaming the bride and groom, she's being honest and not protecting them from their own selfish, nasty behavior.  I think people deserve to know what kind of people Dave and Louise are, and if it gets uncomfortable for them, then they have only themselves to blame.

[Tabby Uprising]

I don't see anything wrong with answering "Because the bride uninvited me.  She thinks my missing arm will ruin her wedding so she told me I have to stay home."  Someone ought to knock some sense into the bride (and the brother!).

This exactly!  Susan is not shaming the bride and groom, she's being honest and not protecting them from their own selfish, nasty behavior.  I think people deserve to know what kind of people Dave and Louise are, and if it gets uncomfortable for them, then they have only themselves to blame.

Again, I couldn't agree more!

Is Susan close to her family?  Are they typically supportive of her?  It's unfathomable to me that (provided they were aware of the situation) her family wouldn't come to her defense.  I think it's almost unconscionable of them not to.

Anyway, if Susan ends up not attending she, of course, can send a gift to the happy couple.  Since she doesn't use the prosthetic arm, she can package it up with a card saying "since you seem so fond of it, may it find a new happy home with you".

[Missyb]

Dave has already chosen a side.   

I think Susan should be honest without being emotional when telling people why she has been uninvited.

[kherbert05]

Background for me - My grandfather lost his eye and arm in WWII. He came home help raise 10 kids (5 born after his return), worked for customs even thought Canadian Armed services considered him 100% disabled, built a little league baseball field in his back yard and hosted games for years, built a hockey rink in his back yard every winter, was active in his community. I know how my family would have reacted to someone like this. 


Dave should have immediately informed Louise that due to her treatment of his sister no-one absolutely no-one from his side of the aisle would be attending. He hoped that her family and friends would have a good time.


Barring that only Dave should attend from his side - everyone who knows Susan should boycott the wedding. There is nothing wrong or rude with Susan telling everyone the truth.


Rude would be getting an advocacy group to protest the wedding. It would be a good day dream, though.

[MissNomer]

Anyway, if Susan ends up not attending she, of course, can send a gift to the happy couple.  Since she doesn't use the prosthetic arm, she can package it up with a card saying "since you seem so fond of it, may it find a new happy home with you".

I just wanted to say that this, while probably a bit much, is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

Not much advice, I'm pretty much in agreement with everyone. What chutzpah! (on the bride's part, obviously)