Possibly the most outrageous request I've ever heard! Update pg. 9, 15, 20, 29

[JenJay]

I am disgusted with Dave!! I think Susan should compose a brief email to her parents and siblings (especially Dave!) stating that she has been uninvited to the wedding, she doesn't want to start drama, but it's very important that her immediate family know she didn't decline attending. I wouldn't say anything to anyone else unless asked, then it'd be "I wasn't invited and I'd prefer not to discuss it, please."

Edited to add -
I'm not necessarily disagreeing with PPs who aid they'd "out" Louise, I'm just not sure I would, so I'd start off discreet and see how it went. If I heard ANY rumor that I wasn't there for any other reason I'd sure as heck straighten it out with the truth!

[EMuir]

Karma is a real fun thing sometimes.  If I were that bride I'd be really careful around machinery.

[Lorelei_Evil]

I am disgusted with Dave!! I think Susan should compose a brief email to her parents and siblings (especially Dave!) stating that she has been uninvited to the wedding, she doesn't want to start drama, but it's very important that her immediate family know she didn't decline attending. I wouldn't say anything to anyone else unless asked, then it'd be "I wasn't invited and I'd prefer not to discuss it, please."

I agree with this.  Don't meet drama with more drama.

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

Susan should not feel that she has to cover up the BTB's horrific behavior.  BTB thinks her demand is acceptable, so why would she mind the truth being told?

Susan might want to suggest to her brother than he update the "in sickness and in health" part of the wedding vows to include disfigurement. 

[Iris]

Susan has no problem dropping out of the bridal party (at this point she doesn't want to do it any way) but is at a loss to explain to her family why she won't be at the wedding.  She doesn't want to cause a rift but she can't just refuse to attend without an explaination.  Dave, for the record, doesn't want to be put in the middle.

Susan isn't "refusing to attend" Susan has been uninvited.  She doesn't need to explain her "refusal" because there wasn't one on her part.  She can explain her absence with a quick & easy "I was not invited."  Its not pot stirring, its the truth.

As for Dave, he is in the middle regardless of what he wants, as he is one of the people getting married.  Its not "Louise's wedding" its "Louise & Dave's wedding", and any and all invite matters are 100% equally on each of them.  When Louise uninvited his sister, and Dave said nothing, Dave effectually uninvited Susan just the same as if he'd said the words himself.

This. My brother is as non-confrontational a person as has ever existed, and even he would have managed a "You can't do that" had his bride uninvited me to their wedding. Louise is a piece of work and Dave, in my opinion, is a *cowardly* piece of work which is a thousand times worse.

[Sharnita]

Quite frankly I think Dave's offense is the worst.  As shallow as the bride is she doesn't have any really strong ties to Susan.  Dave is her brother and has been accustomed to her arm their whole lives. At least we know he and Louise deserve each other. 

[MrTango]

I think Susan should be proactive in telling her parents.

"Louise has uninvited me to the wedding due to my prosthesis, and Dave has chosen to side with her.  Therefore, I will not be attending the wedding."

[artk2002]

Dave, for the record, doesn't want to be put in the middle.

Dave, for the record, is being a jerk and needs to step in now. If his future wife can't learn to accept his sister as she is, then he's going to face a nasty rift in his family.

I think Susan should be honest with anyone and everyone who asks.

[Dr. F.]

I don't know that I have much to add, except that I've never been more anxious to disbelieve a post on EHell. Alas, I don't really, but I really, REALLY wish I did. Wouldn't it be lovely to think this was a troll?

Unfortunately, I don't think it is. Susan is better off without her brother and the woman he has apparently decided to marry. I can't IMAGINE their parents' feelings if they know what's going on. I almost (but not quite) would wish they wouldn't find out until too late. The distress will have to be intense.

[Winterlight]

OK, if my fiance disinvited my sibling because they didn't like looking at a disability, they wouldn't need to worry about the wedding because I'd be returning the ring. Dave is a spineless wimp. Sounds like they deserve each other.

And if it were my kids, I'd be declining to attend. I know that's a nuclear option, but given the circumstances I'd be supporting the insulted party.

Louise and Dave have enough gall to be divided into three parts.

[AnnaJ]

Susan needs to talk to her brother, her parents, and any other close relatives and air this now.  Why?  Because if the bride succeeds in booting sis from attending the wedding without any repercussions, she will not stop there.

Dinner with the in-laws?  "Ooooh, honey, you know I can't stand seeing your sister's arm...make sure she isn't invited."

Attending a relative's birthday party?  "Sorry, unless Susan is wearing her arm I can't possibly be cheerful."

Bro and SIL have a kid?  "Sorry, we can't let you near little Morris, seeing your arm would traumatize him.  And by the way, you won't be attending any family holiday celebrations with us there either."

[Chickadee]

Dave should have immediately informed Louise that due to her treatment of his sister no-one absolutely no-one from his side of the aisle would be attending. He hoped that her family and friends would have a good time.


Barring that only Dave should attend from his side - everyone who knows Susan should boycott the wedding. There is nothing wrong or rude with Susan telling everyone the truth.


Rude would be getting an advocacy group to protest the wedding. It would be a good day dream, though.

If Dave has any sense at all, he should boycott the wedding!

And Dr F echoed my thoughts. I want so badly to believe this post is not true.... but I think it is the utterly horrific truth. 

[GraceSullivan]

Posting for updates and to agree with everyone who has said that Susan should be proactive about communicating her un-invite to the wedding and why.

I can't imagine that there can be any coming back from this for the relationship between Susan and her future SIL (since it looks like Dave is a, well, can't say that here on eHell...).  Same for her relationship with Dave.  I would lose a lot of my respect for my brother in this situation.

Susan's parents should know why she no longer going to the wedding, the real non-sugar coated reason.  I would be very curious to know their reaction.

{okay, seriously, why does it do that to the word 'rela-tion-ship?'}

[gmatoy]

So I wrote out a reply, but QueenfaninCA and SuperMartianRobotGirl posted what I wanted to say already so I'm just going to agree with them.

Ditto!

[hyzenthlay]

I can kind of sympathize with not wanting her in the bridle party if Louise has some kind of hang up. Some people do and not much to be done about it. (I mean I don't understand it myself, but it's also a hang-up I have heard of.) On the other hand, if Louise was planning on forcing her into a different dress she should NEVER have agreed to have her in the bridal party to begin with.

But not wanting her at the wedding indicates a hang up so severe that  future relations are going to be non-existent. And since that is likely to be the case I think Susan is wise to answer frankly and honestly if anyone asks her. Otherwise she's stuck fending off the same questions for years to come.