Birthday party etiquette

[kudeebee]

1.  For the family party it would be okay to open gifts.  In fact the grandparents are going to want to see LK open them. 
For the friends party, accept the gifts graciously with a "thank you" and put the gift aside, perhaps in the bedroom and open them later. 
2.  I wouldn't give goodie bags to adults.  Put the candy/treats on the food table and let them help themselves. Your goodie bags for kids are more than generous-- you could cut them in half and still be fine..
3.  RSVPs--i would call everyone. "Hi, I am making final plans for the party on Saturday and am wondering if you are going to be able to come?"
4.  Write the note from you and dh.  Let LK scribble on it.  Use a photo of her with the gift for those who gave her a gift. 

[KitKat]

.....I have a few questions that I hope more seasoned vets of the world of Birthday Parties can help me sort through.

• Just put the gifts out of sight in another room and Little Knit can open them later.  Then you can take her picture with the gift as you did at Christmas.

[/li]
[li]Is it weird to give goodie bags to adults?[/li][/list] Unusual unless at a wedding but different strokes for different folks.  Who would turn down a gift of candy?   

• How do you deal with people that don't RSVP?  ... Seriously? Tear my hair out.  Did you give a deadline?  Do I just make goodie bags for everyone and risk having leftovers?

I would just make bags for everyone who did not RSVP in the negative.

• And finally... regarding thank you notes.  At Christmas, we did something really cheesy, a little stupid, and very fun.  We took pictures of LK with each gift individually (or with the gift giver if a pic of the gift wasn't possible) and sent these dorky little thank you notes "from" LK.  She was still a baby at the time.  Now she can at least hold a crayon.  Would it be overly cutesie or twee to do something similar for thank you notes this time around? Or should I just write a note myself and let her "sign" it with a scribble?

How well were they received last time?  This is another different strokes/different folks situation.  If you think your friends would adore it while serious uncle bob would think it was a little twee, then adjust for your audience.  Again, who would complain about a thank you card?  Do you really want to pander to that person?

[kareng57]

I'm sure that you're aware that you can't say "no gifts, please" on invitations.  And one of the few occasions where gifts are
"expected" are at a child's birthday party.  Now, I never invited non-family members for either of our childrens' first-birthdays - I simply did not figure that they'd enjoy it.  However, you've done so, and so I really think that guests could feel pretty awkward.  Many of them would know that gifts are not "required" at an adult birthday party, but still feel that they are required for a young child.  If they don't attend a party with a gift, then what are they supposed to do?

And I'd say for a child this young, who really has no idea who has or has not given a gift - do not try to give a cutesy crayon-card.  This could indeed be appropriate for a child of 3 or 4 who has some idea as to who he/she is thanking and needs a little writing help.  A 1 -year-old - no.

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

I believe that Thank You notes are not required for a birthday party when the giver is thanked in person, especially if gifts were subtly discouraged beforehand.

It's cute, though, to send a scribbled card with a photo to family members.

For non-family guests, I'd skip the TY notes.  It's not necessary, and if it becomes expected, it will be a burden on parents. 

[CakeEater]

^I've always done thank-you notes if I've opened the presents after the party, even if I thanked them in person for the wrapped gift. I like to mention the gift and how it's being used/enjoyed.

If I've unwrapped and enthused over the present in front of the giver, I don't.

[cicero]

1. I wouldn't open the gifts - it's not like your child (the birthday girl) is going to really be opening all the gifts, like you would expect at an older child's party.

2. I wouldn't say "weird" necessarily, but unnecessary.

3. I call people and pin them down. yes, it's annoying, but I'd rather have true final numbers than play the guessing game.
4. I like the suggestion for YOU to write the note (from you) and have LK scribble something.

and

H A P P Y    B I R T H D A Y

[Arrynne]

We've been having Buddy "sign" with a scribble since he was an infant.  I have a treasured Mother's Day card with a few random scribbles in it.  I tried to have him sign with a hand print, but it didn't turn out well. I think the pictures of your daughter with the gifts are a nice idea.  Especially if you can snap a candid of her playing with the toy or wearing the outfit.   

[Knitterly]

I believe that Thank You notes are not required for a birthday party when the giver is thanked in person, especially if gifts were subtly discouraged beforehand.

It's cute, though, to send a scribbled card with a photo to family members.

For non-family guests, I'd skip the TY notes.  It's not necessary, and if it becomes expected, it will be a burden on parents.

I'm not sure why this should be a problem.  TY notes were never expected of me and I never knew to write them until I became an adult.  In fact, no one at my bridal shower received a thank you note, much to my embarrassment.  I'd rather be inconvenienced as LK grows up so that she learns the value and importance of a thank you note, rather than have her reach adulthood never having experienced the "burden" of them.

I'm willing to be burdened for a few years.  It's not a big deal. 

How many times have we read stories on the main blog where the writer has been offended that they "never got a thank you note, either." (Usually this is in addition to other bad behaviour.)  Getting in the practice of writing thank you cards now sets a strong example as she gets older.  I think learning to write a thank you note is an important part of learning good manners in general.  Eventually the burden will be lifted off me as she goes from a little scribble to a big and messy "Thank you" to a proper thank you note.  Even if they aren't strictly required, they will still be sent. 

There certainly seems to be a lot of varied opinion on this, but I think the scribble for now would delight most of our friends and at least our close family members, so I think I will do that with her.

I'm still undecided on the goodie bags.  I know a few friends would get a huge kick out of them.  I'm not sure about some others. 

We will not open the gifts.  I think I will tape her opening presents later and if she has a particularly cute reaction to anything, I'll send the giver a little video clip to enjoy, but otherwise, we'll just stick to post-party thank yous.

[sourwolf]

I believe that Thank You notes are not required for a birthday party when the giver is thanked in person, especially if gifts were subtly discouraged beforehand.

It's cute, though, to send a scribbled card with a photo to family members.

For non-family guests, I'd skip the TY notes.  It's not necessary, and if it becomes expected, it will be a burden on parents.

That's funny, if I was going to skip any thank you notes I'd skip the family ones. (I mean I personally wouldn't skip either but I think it's an odd suggestion.)

If you go the candy in a bowl route make sure it is either wrapped candy or you have a scooper and some bags to put it in. Lol otherwise it could be very awkward.

[Judah]

I believe that Thank You notes are not required for a birthday party when the giver is thanked in person, especially if gifts were subtly discouraged beforehand.

It's cute, though, to send a scribbled card with a photo to family members.

For non-family guests, I'd skip the TY notes.  It's not necessary, and if it becomes expected, it will be a burden on parents.

I disagree so vehemently with the bolded I don't even know where to start.  Let me try.  While I agree that in some circles a personal thank you at the time is sufficient, In many it isn't and if sending thank you notes is burdensome, you shouldn't be accepting gifts.   And why are the family member who gave gifts more worthy of a thank you note than the non-family who took the time and effort to select a special gift for your child? 

[Thipu1]

I would think the situation would be just the opposite. 

In our family, close relatives you see several times a week are the ones who wouldn't get TYNs.  People who brought gifts and weren't family members would certainly get them. 

[secretrebel]

Well, not allowing guests to see the birthday girl open her gifts is certainly a way to discourage them from ever giving gifts again. If this is your aim, do that. Otherwise I think people look forward to seeing the present opened and to take it and hide it away is not polite to the gift giver.

[Tabby Uprising]

Well, not allowing guests to see the birthday girl open her gifts is certainly a way to discourage them from ever giving gifts again. If this is your aim, do that. Otherwise I think people look forward to seeing the present opened and to take it and hide it away is not polite to the gift giver.

Knitterly has asked her friends not to bring gifts for her daughter. I can see where if 15 guests honor that request, but 5 guests bring a gift anyway that it could be awkward for the guests who didn't bring anything.

Back in my day, it was the norm for the birthday child to open their gifts in front of everyone.  I always enjoyed watching them open gifts, myself.  Now, I'm out of practice when it comes to birthday parties, but the few I've attended for nieces/nephews/friends kids haven't done the "opening ceremony".  Then I swear I read something in Miss Manners about how this practice has indeed changed.  I could be wrong on that though.

I have no idea what the proper etiquette is, but the practice seems to have changed in some circles.  Hopefully as my little one gets older and this becomes more relevant I can find out for sure.  I don't want to make a faux pas!  Certainly not on occasions where there is cake!

[Hmmmmm]

Well, not allowing guests to see the birthday girl open her gifts is certainly a way to discourage them from ever giving gifts again. If this is your aim, do that. Otherwise I think people look forward to seeing the present opened and to take it and hide it away is not polite to the gift giver.

It is not seen as rude in our circles, especiallay at a large party.  In many instances expecting guests to sit around and watch present opening for 30 minutes or more is seen as much less polite. 

[sourwolf]

Well, not allowing guests to see the birthday girl open her gifts is certainly a way to discourage them from ever giving gifts again. If this is your aim, do that. Otherwise I think people look forward to seeing the present opened and to take it and hide it away is not polite to the gift giver.

It is not seen as rude in our circles, especiallay at a large party.  In many instances expecting guests to sit around and watch present opening for 30 minutes or more is seen as much less polite.

I agree. Honestly I'd much rather the gift opening be done after everyone else has left.  There are few things less interesting than watching other people open a pile of gifts.