Author Topic: baby gear  (Read 5145 times)

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ItsyBitsy

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baby gear
« on: September 10, 2012, 02:15:38 PM »
Dh and I are expecting our first child together.  Family and friends are very excited about this baby and has been very generous, as a result we have most of what we need.  BIL and SIL are moving and have an almost 2 year old.  They want to give us all of their old baby stuff so they don't have to move it.  We have told them we appreciate the gesture but that we don't really need most of it.  They are refusing to take no for an answer.  SIL was even arguing with DH last night on the phone that their used stuff is better than our brand new stuff even though it all comparable except for age. (SIL is very competitive and everything she has is always better than anything anyone else has) They are going to give it to us the next time we see them regardless.  My question is, if this stuff is in good condition is it rude of me to take it to a consignment shop and trade it in for credit towards the things we still do need? 

-Bitsy

ACBNYC

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2012, 02:17:42 PM »
Not at all. Once they give it to you, it's yours to do with as you wish. She knows you don't want it so I doubt she'll be surprised when it's gone the next time they visit--although it sounds as if she's the sort of person that will make it into a big drama-filled deal.

Judah

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2012, 02:20:55 PM »
It's not rude at all. Once someone has given something to you, it's yours to do with what you please.  I would tell them what your plans are though, so that two years from now when they are expecting another child, they don't come back to you expecting you to give back all the stuff they "gave" you.  Plus, if you're upfront about selling the stuff, they may change their minds about burdening you with their discards.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
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Really obvious hints don't work.
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cicero

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2012, 02:24:20 PM »
it may not be rude but i wouldn't start with this person who sounds like a special snowflake...

you say that *they* won't take no for an answer. i think you need to change it so that *you* (and that means you and DH) won't take no for an answer.


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violinp

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2012, 02:28:30 PM »
It's not rude at all. Once someone has given something to you, it's yours to do with what you please.  I would tell them what your plans are though, so that two years from now when they are expecting another child, they don't come back to you expecting you to give back all the stuff they "gave" you.  Plus, if you're upfront about selling the stuff, they may change their minds about burdening you with their discards.

POD. That's just bizarre to be foisting that stuff on you.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Tabby Uprising

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2012, 02:29:32 PM »
it may not be rude but i wouldn't start with this person who sounds like a special snowflake...

you say that *they* won't take no for an answer. i think you need to change it so that *you* (and that means you and DH) won't take no for an answer.

What a wonderful way of looking at it!

Pushy generosity isn't really generosity, is it? I would take it to the consignment store and have DH tell SIL that's what you intend to do with it.  On that note, why doesn't SIL just take it to a consignment store?  Anyway, better to make a firm stand about this now because it won't end here.  As her child outgrows other things you will continue to bear the burden of her "generosity" over and over again. 

ItsyBitsy

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2012, 02:33:17 PM »
it may not be rude but i wouldn't start with this person who sounds like a special snowflake...

you say that *they* won't take no for an answer. i think you need to change it so that *you* (and that means you and DH) won't take no for an answer.

Trust me it's not worth it with DH's family.  It will create yet another epic battle with SIL and MIL arguing that I am trying to exclude them from this child and my stepchild's life in favor of my own family.  It's better just to let them drop this stuff off and then dispose of it.  We have much bigger hills more worth dying on than this when it comes to SIL and MIL. 

-Bitsy

StuffedGrapeLeaves

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2012, 02:35:17 PM »
it may not be rude but i wouldn't start with this person who sounds like a special snowflake...

you say that *they* won't take no for an answer. i think you need to change it so that *you* (and that means you and DH) won't take no for an answer.

Trust me it's not worth it with DH's family.  It will create yet another epic battle with SIL and MIL arguing that I am trying to exclude them from this child and my stepchild's life in favor of my own family.  It's better just to let them drop this stuff off and then dispose of it.  We have much bigger hills more worth dying on than this when it comes to SIL and MIL. 

-Bitsy

I would make it absolutely sure that they are not planning on asking for the stuff back.  Because if they come back in a couple of years and ask for them back, you're still going to be dealing with drama, just later. 

Sophia

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2012, 02:37:51 PM »
I would say they could bring the stuff over, but they shouldn't expect the stuff back in the future since you will get rid of any baby stuff you don't need.  If they are willing to give it to you on that basis, I don't see the downside.   If her stuff is truly the same as what you've been given, then you could return the new stuff and exchange it for a credit.  I know in the first few months, I made several trips to the store for baby socks and Tommy Tippy bottles.  If your new stuff is better, then consign the IL's stuff.  If the consignment place won't take something, then freecycle it or put it on Craig's List.   

Donovan

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2012, 02:38:14 PM »
it may not be rude but i wouldn't start with this person who sounds like a special snowflake...

you say that *they* won't take no for an answer. i think you need to change it so that *you* (and that means you and DH) won't take no for an answer.

Trust me it's not worth it with DH's family.  It will create yet another epic battle with SIL and MIL arguing that I am trying to exclude them from this child and my stepchild's life in favor of my own family.  It's better just to let them drop this stuff off and then dispose of it.  We have much bigger hills more worth dying on than this when it comes to SIL and MIL. 

-Bitsy

I would make it absolutely sure that they are not planning on asking for the stuff back.  Because if they come back in a couple of years and ask for them back, you're still going to be dealing with drama, just later.

Pod. I would hate for 2 years down the road she asks for her stuff back, and you don't have it. I wouldn't take any of it myself, but if you do make it perfectly clear that you are going to consignment shop the things you don't need.

learningtofly

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2012, 03:03:51 PM »
Once it's yours, it's yours to do with as you wish.  I'd be taking it to the consignment shop or donating it.  As long as she knows she will never see it again feel free to dispose of it.

BeagleMommy

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2012, 03:53:32 PM »
OP, since this is your SIL, how does your DH feel about they drama?  Is he willing to back you up if you refuse to take the stuff or get rid of it?  If so, let him tell them what's been done.  His family, his problem.

You don't need the added stress at this time.

gramma dishes

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #12 on: September 10, 2012, 04:01:57 PM »
How about they take their no longer needed stuff to MIL's house?  That way there will always be stuff for you there when you visit and the same will be true of them if they have another child themselves somewhere down the line.

I would NOT accept it.  I would simply state "Sorry, we've already chosen the stuff we want and think we will need and we simply don't have room for more.  Plus, I can't be certain you wouldn't want yours back some time in the future, so we'd have to just go out and buy new stuff then if WE had another child.  Thank you for your generosity, but we just simply can't accept your stuff." 

Oh Joy

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #13 on: September 10, 2012, 04:47:52 PM »
it may not be rude but i wouldn't start with this person who sounds like a special snowflake...

you say that *they* won't take no for an answer. i think you need to change it so that *you* (and that means you and DH) won't take no for an answer.

Trust me it's not worth it with DH's family.  It will create yet another epic battle with SIL and MIL arguing that I am trying to exclude them from this child and my stepchild's life in favor of my own family.  It's better just to let them drop this stuff off and then dispose of it.  We have much bigger hills more worth dying on than this when it comes to SIL and MIL. 

-Bitsy

Only you can choose your hills.   :)

Agreeing with some other posters, I would make it clear - before they bring it over - that you'll be glad to sort through their gear to see if there's anything you want before you donate it.  I do think it's polite to be clear that you won't be keeping most of it, as sometimes there are expectations that baby gear will stay in the family or be available for return in event of future children...the generic rule of 'the gift belongs to the recipient to do whatever they want' doesn't always apply to passed-on maternity and kid supplies.

Best wishes.

P.S. - Depending on the gear and your preferences, some items you might want to keep stashed away for the first months/years in case it turns out you (or your little one) just don't end up liking the pieces you chose yourself.

CakeEater

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Re: baby gear
« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2012, 06:11:49 PM »
it may not be rude but i wouldn't start with this person who sounds like a special snowflake...

you say that *they* won't take no for an answer. i think you need to change it so that *you* (and that means you and DH) won't take no for an answer.

What a wonderful way of looking at it!

Pushy generosity isn't really generosity, is it? I would take it to the consignment store and have DH tell SIL that's what you intend to do with it.  On that note, why doesn't SIL just take it to a consignment store?  Anyway, better to make a firm stand about this now because it won't end here.  As her child outgrows other things you will continue to bear the burden of her "generosity" over and over again.

I suspect it's so she gets credit for her generosity.