baby gear

[NyaChan]

and because that is more trouble than just dropping it off at someone else's house.

[cicero]

it may not be rude but i wouldn't start with this person who sounds like a special snowflake...

you say that *they* won't take no for an answer. i think you need to change it so that *you* (and that means you and DH) won't take no for an answer.

Trust me it's not worth it with DH's family.  It will create yet another epic battle with SIL and MIL arguing that I am trying to exclude them from this child and my stepchild's life in favor of my own family.  It's better just to let them drop this stuff off and then dispose of it.  We have much bigger hills more worth dying on than this when it comes to SIL and MIL. 

-Bitsy

well, you obviously get to choose your hills.  and i am speaking from my older age and more experienced self dealing with dysfunctional families - I wouldn't take this pile of stuff. I just wouldn't. this should be a time of joy and anticipation for you - not a time when you have to worry about someone else's pile of junk or worry about starting WWIII over this stuff.

Your child, your home, your junk.

If you do insist on taking the stuff, won't your SIL be looking for her stuff? won't she be wondering why you are using *your* stroller/bouncy seat/whatever instead of what she gave you?

hugs, and lots of strength, and if you do decide to take the stuff - then it's yours to do whatever you want with.

[Pippen]

and because that is more trouble than just dropping it off at someone else's house.

Also a store may state it needs to be cleaned and cleaning baby gear is a pain. Much easier to foist it off onto someone else under the guise of generosity when all you want is to be rid of it.

[Gyburc]

Bitsy, it wouldn't be at all rude for you to donate your SIL's baby stuff, but I'm not sure you will avoid the drama - unfortunately I think you'll get the drama whatever you do... If you just donate the items without telling SIL, she might well make a big thing of it later when it's obvious her stuff is nowhere to be seen.

You know your ILs best! Good luck!

[O'Dell]

it may not be rude but i wouldn't start with this person who sounds like a special snowflake...

you say that *they* won't take no for an answer. i think you need to change it so that *you* (and that means you and DH) won't take no for an answer.

Trust me it's not worth it with DH's family.  It will create yet another epic battle with SIL and MIL arguing that I am trying to exclude them from this child and my stepchild's life in favor of my own family.  It's better just to let them drop this stuff off and then dispose of it.  We have much bigger hills more worth dying on than this when it comes to SIL and MIL. 

-Bitsy

well, you obviously get to choose your hills.  and i am speaking from my older age and more experienced self dealing with dysfunctional families - I wouldn't take this pile of stuff. I just wouldn't. this should be a time of joy and anticipation for you - not a time when you have to worry about someone else's pile of junk or worry about starting WWIII over this stuff.

Your child, your home, your junk.

If you do insist on taking the stuff, won't your SIL be looking for her stuff? won't she be wondering why you are using *your* stroller/bouncy seat/whatever instead of what she gave you?

hugs, and lots of strength, and if you do decide to take the stuff - then it's yours to do whatever you want with.

I'm with you. IME, someone not taking no for an answer is automatically a hill to die on. Not because the baby gear is so important, but because protecting your boundaries is. Think of it this way...if it's not a hill to die on, then why is SIL insisting so hard? Obviously she's willing to take you on over it.

[otterwoman]

In my area, the local thrift stores will NOT take used baby gear; strollers, crib, highchairs, bouncers, etc. There have been too many safety recalls. They don't want the responsibilty. If it's not new in the box, they won't take it.

I'd take SIL's stuff, tell her I'll be selling/trading what I don't keep and then put that money towards baby stuff I'd want. That is what I did with all the baby stuff given to me.

[Sharnita]

I do agree that i'd clarify whether they might want any of the items back.  If they do I'd drop those back off at MIL's

[SuperMartianRobotGirl]

I wouldn't accept it. You'll end up with stuff you can't even donate places. There are so many recalls on baby stuff that some of it will have be to thrown out. They just don't want to bother with the work. And you own your house. Other people can't "not take no for an answer" in regard to what comes in your house.

[VltGrantham]

Having dealt with toxic family members I can pretty much assure the OP that even though her desire to take the unwanted items is to avoid the battle, that the battle will come--simply at a time and place not of her choosing.  SIL or MIL or both will wonder what happened to the items.  SIL will request something back and I'm willing to be it will be accompanied by "But that was DS's first baby bottle!  How could you just throw that away?"  All arguments that the items were sent to charity and that this was made clear in the beginning will fall on deaf ears.

The OP will be branded as the "meanie" who threw away treasured family "heirlooms" and it will cause untold headache.

My advice is to take it to the mattress now.  Draw the line in the sand now.  If the OP doesn't, I predict that future battles and impositions will come her way.

[LeveeWoman]

Having dealt with toxic family members I can pretty much assure the OP that even though her desire to take the unwanted items is to avoid the battle, that the battle will come--simply at a time and place not of her choosing.  SIL or MIL or both will wonder what happened to the items.  SIL will request something back and I'm willing to be it will be accompanied by "But that was DS's first baby bottle!  How could you just throw that away?"  All arguments that the items were sent to charity and that this was made clear in the beginning will fall on deaf ears.

The OP will be branded as the "meanie" who threw away treasured family "heirlooms" and it will cause untold headache.

My advice is to take it to the mattress now.  Draw the line in the sand now.  If the OP doesn't, I predict that future battles and impositions will come her way.

I would prefer to do this as well but if ItsyBitsy doesn't want to do this, I encourage her to make sure that she has sent e-mails to her SIL and MIL about what she plans to do with the gear. That way, she'll have a record for her defense.

[JenJay]

It's not rude at all. Once someone has given something to you, it's yours to do with what you please.  I would tell them what your plans are though, so that two years from now when they are expecting another child, they don't come back to you expecting you to give back all the stuff they "gave" you.  Plus, if you're upfront about selling the stuff, they may change their minds about burdening you with their discards.

I agree! My first though was "When SIL calls and ask for her stuff back, if you've sold it, she'll probably insist you replace it." No thanks! Make sure this is a gift and tell her you'll consign what you don't need.

If someone wants to GIVE you things that's great but be careful of loans. Baby things need to be washed a lot so they get worn and faded, not to mentioned stained. It's really stressful trying to keep a loaner item in the same condition it was in when you received it.

[auntmeegs]

Look at it this way:  One way or another there is going to be drama, its just a matter of when.  If you take her stuff now, knowing that you are not going to use it and will be selling/donating/otherwise dispose of it, you WILL be asked at a later date why are you not using that awesome thingie I gave you!!!???  It will then come out that you got rid of it and she will cause drama.  If you just refuse to take the stuff, you have to deal with her drama now, but at least you will have gotten it out the way. 

Eta - if you do decide to take the stuff, you should definitely let her know that you are not planning on keeping most of it. 

[ItsyBitsy]

I will have DH clarify with them that these items are a gift and not a loan.  There is a chain of consignment stores in my area that deal specifically with children's and baby gear, the only thing they don't take is car seats.  I should be able to unload the rest of it easily.  Thank you for your responses.

-Bitsy

[cheyne]

Trust me it's not worth it with DH's family.  It will create yet another epic battle with SIL and MIL arguing that I am trying to exclude them from this child and my stepchild's life in favor of my own family.  It's better just to let them drop this stuff off and then dispose of it.  We have much bigger hills more worth dying on than this when it comes to SIL and MIL. 

-Bitsy

I see that you've already made your decision for this round.  I do want to say that any email or verbal talking between your DH and SIL/MIL will go right out the window when SIL/MIL decide they aren't seeing your children enough, or whatever else they can make drama about. 

You cannot use reason with unreasonable people as it goes right over their heads.  The only way to deal with them is by saying "No", meaning it and letting them get over their anger or dying mad.

Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck to you.

[johelenc1]

Personally, I'd take it, sell it and have fun with the money.  As long as you tell her you will go through everything, pick what you want and sell the rest...I'd consider this found money.

Have a yard sale and go out to lunch:-)