Author Topic: Cure for those that issue commands disguised as a question  (Read 10034 times)

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NyaChan

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Re: Cure for those that issue commands disguised as a question
« Reply #45 on: September 18, 2012, 12:41:14 AM »
This is similar to something I learned in a child behavior class. Don't give a child a choice when there really isn't one.

Need to get child dressed in the morning, don't ask "Do you want to get dressed?"
Instead Tell child, "it is time to get dressed." and if you want to give child a choice, offer them two outfits.

It was recommended to give children choices, but only the preselected ones that you the adult were comfortable with giving. It doesn't always work, But sometimes it helps with tantrum prevention.

My oldest always wanted to have a choice, even when it was to be able to pick between two absolutely identical pieces of string for her art project.

Boo Bear is at a stage where I am comfortable letting him learn about making choices. Today I pulled out two packs of Buddy Fruits applesauce for lunch. Identical flavors. Same colored caps. He pointed at one and I handed it to him. He let out a NO and pointed at the other. As soon as I touched that he wanted the first again. I ended up taking the lids off both and leaving them on the table for him to make a choice when he was done yelling his indignation at my touching his fruit.

Sometimes I just can't win...

I love those!  So yummy :)

miranova

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Re: Cure for those that issue commands disguised as a question
« Reply #46 on: September 23, 2012, 02:59:34 PM »
On the "ok?" topic, DH and I definitely have a difference of opinion as to what it means.  He will say something like "I think I want to go hang out with so and so this weekend a bit", to which I will say "Ok".  He then will ask me if I'm ok with him leaving me alone to do that.  Frustrates me every time, because I've just got done saying "ok" and feel like he is asking me the same thing twice or not really believing my first answer.  He says that my first ok was just acknowledging that I heard him.  I say, nope, I was actually saying it's ok.  If it wasn't ok or I needed you here for something else, I would have said so.  "Ok" means I'm ok with it.  Interesting how such a small word means such different things to different people.

Back to the original topic, yeah, I hate the "do you want to" phrasing.  HATE.  My ex did that all the time and he would even take it a step further, saying "Don't you want to do X?"  Even worse because obviously there was only one "right" answer to that.  I am stubborn though, so I pretty much never answered the way he wanted me to.   >:D