Author Topic: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10  (Read 49845 times)

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greencat

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #165 on: September 17, 2012, 11:39:42 AM »
I'm actually kind of amazed that your friend was still trying to be "nice" and told him the little white lie about him not being over his ex - instead of just telling him he's a controlling jerk.  She's left herself open for a message six months from now "I think I'm over my ex - can we try again?"

And for those who've mostly met this kind while running or at the gym - they come in another flavor - the overweight slovenly type who thinks he should be dating a supermodel.  I had gone from 30 pounds underweight to right in the middle of my ideal weight range, while my ex had gone from 30 overweight to double his recommended weight.  He had the audacity to comment on my weight gain!

Twik

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #166 on: September 17, 2012, 11:40:41 AM »
It's just a sad way to live (in addition to the jerky way they go about it), and a way to set oneself up for a whole life of disappointing serial monogamy as they continue to chase the shiny. Not wanting to start a debate about the value of exercise in general--it's just this idea that you can get into a long-term relationship and you can somehow micromanage the person into never changing. Even if they stay exactly the same weight forever and ever, they will age. They might develop health problems. They will change emotionally/mentally. And so will the person wanting to do the controlling. It's just part of being human.

Well, I think the thing is, to these people, a partner is an accessory. Their ego demands that they have the brightest, newest, thinnest model - kind of like a cell phone ;). The idea that their partner might become less physically perfect threatens their own self-image. They live in fear of being "that guy with the dog of a girlfriend".  The girl isn't as important as their friends' view of them as "winners" in the competition for Hot Partner.
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Auntie Mame

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #167 on: September 17, 2012, 11:42:21 AM »
Anyone for bets on how he's currently telling his buddies about the horrible girl who dumped him after only two dates? And why no women appreciate nice guys these days?

I wonder if his weight-gaining girlfriend is just a story, or whether he did have one, but his constant hectoring drove her to overeat just out of desire to prove he couldn't control her?

snort, I'm not taking that bet.  Probably can I hear is whinging all the way on the other side of the pond.

OP, If I was in your friend's shoes, I would probably go on the second date as well, just for the train wrecky goodness factor.
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Yvaine

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #168 on: September 17, 2012, 11:44:36 AM »
I'm actually kind of amazed that your friend was still trying to be "nice" and told him the little white lie about him not being over his ex - instead of just telling him he's a controlling jerk.  She's left herself open for a message six months from now "I think I'm over my ex - can we try again?"

It's not even really a lie though--I don't know if he's over her in the sense of still loving her, but he's obviously not over her in the sense of carrying his issues with her into the next potential relationship. He's still reacting to things the OP's friend does as if it was his ex doing them (gives you an idea of how he treated her!). It's like if a guy was cheated on by an ex and then reacted by hacking his next girlfriend's email to make sure she was faithful.

Amava

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #169 on: September 17, 2012, 11:57:17 AM »
Thanks for the update.

Your friend handled that manipulative jerk very well. That could of course be because she consciously went into the date as an "experiment" and knew that you and the whole of e-hell were behind her.

I shudder to think what his manipulative food-and-exercise remarks could do to a girl who goes into the date with a different mindset, the "oh finally I have a date, I hope he'll like me, I hope all goes well!" feeling. His disapproving behaviour could be really jarring for someone who is insecure and vulnerable. He makes me angry.  >:(


Bexx27

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #170 on: September 17, 2012, 11:59:01 AM »
It's just a sad way to live (in addition to the jerky way they go about it), and a way to set oneself up for a whole life of disappointing serial monogamy as they continue to chase the shiny. Not wanting to start a debate about the value of exercise in general--it's just this idea that you can get into a long-term relationship and you can somehow micromanage the person into never changing. Even if they stay exactly the same weight forever and ever, they will age. They might develop health problems. They will change emotionally/mentally. And so will the person wanting to do the controlling. It's just part of being human.

Well, I think the thing is, to these people, a partner is an accessory. Their ego demands that they have the brightest, newest, thinnest model - kind of like a cell phone ;). The idea that their partner might become less physically perfect threatens their own self-image. They live in fear of being "that guy with the dog of a girlfriend".  The girl isn't as important as their friends' view of them as "winners" in the competition for Hot Partner.

DH has a friend like this. He doesn't try to control his girlfriends' eating as far as I know (although he is always on a diet himself), but whenever he starts dating someone he must receive confirmation from his friends that the woman is "hot." He was very frustrated with DH when he started dating his current GF and his repeated attempts to get DH to agree that she was hot were met with generalities along the lines of "she's definitely your type." He's since paid for her to get breast implants.

One comment of his that has really stuck with me was when another friend mentioned that his wife was going to have a C-section and SuperficialGuy blurted out, "I would never let my wife do that! She'd have a disgusting scar!"

Way to prioritize, buddy.  ::)
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Yvaine

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #171 on: September 17, 2012, 12:04:36 PM »
It's just a sad way to live (in addition to the jerky way they go about it), and a way to set oneself up for a whole life of disappointing serial monogamy as they continue to chase the shiny. Not wanting to start a debate about the value of exercise in general--it's just this idea that you can get into a long-term relationship and you can somehow micromanage the person into never changing. Even if they stay exactly the same weight forever and ever, they will age. They might develop health problems. They will change emotionally/mentally. And so will the person wanting to do the controlling. It's just part of being human.

Well, I think the thing is, to these people, a partner is an accessory. Their ego demands that they have the brightest, newest, thinnest model - kind of like a cell phone ;). The idea that their partner might become less physically perfect threatens their own self-image. They live in fear of being "that guy with the dog of a girlfriend".  The girl isn't as important as their friends' view of them as "winners" in the competition for Hot Partner.

DH has a friend like this. He doesn't try to control his girlfriends' eating as far as I know (although he is always on a diet himself), but whenever he starts dating someone he must receive confirmation from his friends that the woman is "hot." He was very frustrated with DH when he started dating his current GF and his repeated attempts to get DH to agree that she was hot were met with generalities along the lines of "she's definitely your type." He's since paid for her to get breast implants.

One comment of his that has really stuck with me was when another friend mentioned that his wife was going to have a C-section and SuperficialGuy blurted out, "I would never let my wife do that! She'd have a disgusting scar!"

Way to prioritize, buddy.  ::)

I imagine he'd never want her to get pregnant in the first place. She'd get larger while she was carrying the baby! And then she might have stretch marks afterward! The horror!

barefoot_girl

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #172 on: September 17, 2012, 12:05:33 PM »
Maybe he has bought into the whole 'Fifty Shades' nonsense, and thinks women really do like the idea of a hyper-controlling male. Doesn't the chap in that book make a big thing of controlling his girlfriend's food intake as well as everything else?

Danika

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #173 on: September 17, 2012, 12:39:32 PM »
Thanks for the update! OP, your friend did well! Good for her for cutting the date short when she verified his true colors. And good for her for just leaving and not trying to teach him or engage the crazy. I think someone like him will never see the light. No sense in wasting breath or effort to talk sense into him.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #174 on: September 17, 2012, 12:42:57 PM »
I'm actually kind of amazed that your friend was still trying to be "nice" and told him the little white lie about him not being over his ex - instead of just telling him he's a controlling jerk.  She's left herself open for a message six months from now "I think I'm over my ex - can we try again?"

And for those who've mostly met this kind while running or at the gym - they come in another flavor - the overweight slovenly type who thinks he should be dating a supermodel.  I had gone from 30 pounds underweight to right in the middle of my ideal weight range, while my ex had gone from 30 overweight to double his recommended weight.  He had the audacity to comment on my weight gain!


I knew a sample of that type in college.  He was overweight and while his wife wasn't thin, she weighed a good deal less than he did.  My guess (and I'm terrible at guessing weights) was that she was around 130 at 5'5" while he was about 300-350 at 5'8.  He would comment on her being a bit chunky/chubby and once a mutual friend said "Dude, we'll get out the fat calipers and when your body fat percentage is less than hers, then you can talk, okay?"
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rose red

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #175 on: September 17, 2012, 01:09:52 PM »
Well, all the fat slobs on TV have hot wives (even after having three kids plus new twin babies).  That's the way the world is suppose to be.

Yeah, I almost broke something just writing that sentence.

Raintree

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #176 on: September 17, 2012, 01:20:19 PM »
I love the "misinterpreted my advice" line. I don't see anything in the post that indicates she asked for diet/exercise advice on either of these dates.

NyaChan

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #177 on: September 17, 2012, 01:31:00 PM »
I love the "misinterpreted my advice" line. I don't see anything in the post that indicates she asked for diet/exercise advice on either of these dates.

haha I know right?  While it sucks that this guy was not as nice as she'd hoped, I am almost glad that OP's friend has had an experience where her initial gut instinct turned out to be true - now she'll know that it is okay to trust when she senses something is "off."

cicero

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #178 on: September 17, 2012, 01:42:48 PM »
I am totally unsurprised by this update. I am sorry for your friend - i was that person a long time ago, i woudl put up with a lot of garbage just so i wouldn't be alone.

moral of this story: if it waddles like a duck, and says "quack quack", it is a duck. or if you think a guy is a jerk - listen to your instincts, they are usually right.

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greencat

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10
« Reply #179 on: September 17, 2012, 01:55:02 PM »
Well, all the fat slobs on TV have hot wives (even after having three kids plus new twin babies).  That's the way the world is suppose to be.

Yeah, I almost broke something just writing that sentence.

That is my dominant dating-related complaint.  I tend to empty both barrels on men who appear to have that perspective.  Unfortunately, men in my dating age and men who think they're in my dating age range largely grew up on that type of show, and tend to have that expectation even subconsciously - it's actually a much more stealthy sort of sexism than the overt kind from the past.  These men have this expectation that they deserve a woman who is an 11, the whole brains-looks-personality package, despite making no effort to improve themselves past a 2 - and that the woman has no right to demand a man of equal quality, because she's just a prize for him.