First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10

[rose red]

If he thought it was weird or wasteful to buy a large popcorn, he could have asked why she got a large.  If he didn't want to hold the bag anymore, he could have said "I'm done.  Here." 

What he did sounds really weird and creepy with the quick mood swings.

And nevermind what we think.  The behavior is strange enough for his date to question it and bring it up to her friend (the OP).

[Piratelvr1121]

The sudden snap between being nasty guy and lovely guy is a HUGE red flag for me.  Massive.

I agree; that's the weirdest part for me. But I wouldn't have let the popcorn hoarding pass without asking, "what's your deal? Give me my popcorn."  And I would make him explain himself.  I don't think it's too late for that.

I think it's the Jekyll and Hyde thing that usually works for this kind of guy to ensnare women.  The "Okay so he has this fault but he's nice most of the time!"    Our friend who's getting divorced is dealing with this in her stbx. One day he's nice, the next he's giving her a very clear reminder of why she's done with him.  And when she doesn't respond to his nice moments because she rightly doesn't trust him, he's whining that she's so awful and meeeean!" 

So, yeah, don't go into the basement, don't look under the stairs, don't go into the bar, Penhall! 

Sorry, got carried away there.

[Tabby Uprising]

You can hold it out to a person but you can't make them take it is my thought on that. She didn't make a move to take the bag, just handfuls of popcorn.

I'm pretty sure that if he had ever tried to pass the whole bag to her, she would have taken it. He didn't. Instead he kept a death grip on it.

Not only that, but the OP mentions he had it on his lap away from her.  Friend had to lean across him to get the bag.  It makes no sense.  If he didn't want the popcorn why on earth didn't he just give her the bag? I mean, he gave her the drink.  If he can give someone their drink that he does not want, he can give them the popcorn. 

I don't understand the idea that he could interpret her ordering a large popcorn as ignoring his preferences.  He does not want popcorn. He does not eat popcorn regardless of the size his date orders.  Why is her ordering a popcorn big enough to share ignoring his preferences?  To the point where he'd frown about it?  Really, that's reaching.  It wasn't like she kept forcing popcorn on him or telling him to eat it. 


edited to say: Exactly, Rose Red!  What's that phrase I've read on e-hell - use your words!! And darn, I want movie theater popcorn now... all to myself.

[QueenfaninCA]

I think there might be a more innocent explanation to his behaviour. He, like me, might hate if someone near them its popcorn during a movie. I don't mind people eating something, but popcorn is on of those things which almost always is not noiseless. And I prefer to enjoy quietness around me when spending the money to watch a movie in the theater. He just might have been really bad at communicating.

[rashea]

I think there might be a more innocent explanation to his behaviour. He, like me, might hate if someone near them its popcorn during a movie. I don't mind people eating something, but popcorn is on of those things which almost always is not noiseless. And I prefer to enjoy quietness around me when spending the money to watch a movie in the theater. He just might have been really bad at communicating.

Someone that bad about communicating would be a dealbreaker for me as well.

[WillyNilly]

I'm with Lazy Daisy... and I think it merits pointing out so is the OP's friend who went on the this date - she is after all going on another date with the guy.

Yes his behavior was off.  Yes it was strange and it absolutely warrants a closer look.  But there are possible explanations.  It could be as LazyDaisy is suggesting and an awkward attempt at chivalry mixed with a 'gets lost in action movies' personality.  Or it could be as I mentioned a food issue of his own and being presented with an unexpected temptation and close proximity to someone indulging while he has to use every ounce of self control to hold back.  ETA: Or maybe its like QueenfaninCA suggested and he thinks eating popcorn during the movie is loud and distracting or even obnoxious to listen to (which could explain eating a lot before the film started but being unforthcoming with it during the film).  Or maybe its some other strange issue.

And sure maybe it is because he's a jerk.  That is one of many possibilities.  But clearly the person who met him and experienced this behavior felt it was merely a possibility, not a sure thing, so she's going out to dinner with him.

The behavior I think we all agree was wrong and not pleasant or even acceptable, but that doesn't mean the whole man is a bad person.  I bet each and every poster on this site has at least one very annoying to some people, possibly all people, habit or trait.

[Auntie Mame]

Also, my experience with guys is that they all tend to eat popcorn in big messy handfuls instead of 1-2 at a time like women do so the description of him shoveling it in doesn't make me think he was trying to keep it to himself just that he lacks...finesse. I learned early on that if I wanted my share of uncrushed popcorn, I need my own container.

Yikes, where are you finding these guys?  The men I know have table manners.

[Tabby Uprising]

I'm with Lazy Daisy... and I think it merits pointing out so is the OP's friend who went on the this date - she is after all going on another date with the guy.

Yes his behavior was off.  Yes it was strange and it absolutely warrants a closer look.  But there are possible explanations.  It could be as LazyDaisy is suggesting and an awkward attempt at chivalry mixed with a 'gets lost in action movies' personality.  Or it could be as I mentioned a food issue of his own and being presented with an unexpected temptation and close proximity to someone indulging while he has to use every ounce of self control to hold back.  Or maybe its some other strange issue.

And sure maybe it is because he's a jerk.  That is one of many possibilities.  But clearly the person who met him and experienced this behavior felt it was merely a possibility, not a sure thing, so she's going out to dinner with him.

The behavior I think we all agree was wrong and not pleasant or even acceptable, but that doesn't mean the whole man is a bad person.  I bet each and every poster on this site has at least one very annoying to some people, possibly all people, habit or trait.

This is what I think makes a lot of sense.  And I agree that his behavior was bad, but he's not necessarily a bad guy. 

[rose red]

Of course we all have annoying habits, but this guy seems to be actively and knowingly trying to keep the popcorn away from her.  Shoving handfuls for himself while she was away.  Did not hand it over when she offered to hold the snacks.  Leaning away from her.  Frowning when she takes a handful.  Holding on to the bottom so she only has a limited access.  Putting it on the floor at his (not their) feet.  This is why a lot of the posters see the red flag.

[magicdomino]

Red flag flying in the wind.

Generally, I'm pretty tolerant of social faux pas.  If it had been just one thing -- disapproving of the popcorn, placing it out of her reach, sharply telling her to leave the leftovers -- I might have forgiven it as socially inept.  But the package taken all together?   On a first date where you are supposed to be on your best behavior?  Sorry, I don't care what his exact issue is.   Life is too short to spend it with a jerk. 

[JenJay]

I think there might be a more innocent explanation to his behaviour. He, like me, might hate if someone near them its popcorn during a movie. I don't mind people eating something, but popcorn is on of those things which almost always is not noiseless. And I prefer to enjoy quietness around me when spending the money to watch a movie in the theater. He just might have been really bad at communicating.

If that were the case, though, he was still wildly out of line to take her popcorn and keep it from her.

If he couldn't bring himself to say "I hope this doesn't bother you, but I can't stand the sound of someone eating right next to me. Would you mind if we didn't get snacks?" then it was on him to sit silently and deal with the munching.

He doesn't get to decide OP's friend isn't allowed to do X just because he doesn't like it. That's why people are saying he was being controlling. Whether his reasoning was popcorn is noisy/unhealthy/smelly/whatever it's not okay for him to take the bag and prevent her from eating it.

[sparksals]

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya Angelou

He's shown her.

Wiser Words have never been spoken. 

[Tabby Uprising]

I think there might be a more innocent explanation to his behaviour. He, like me, might hate if someone near them its popcorn during a movie. I don't mind people eating something, but popcorn is on of those things which almost always is not noiseless. And I prefer to enjoy quietness around me when spending the money to watch a movie in the theater. He just might have been really bad at communicating.

If that were the case, though, he was still wildly out of line to take her popcorn and keep it from her.

If he couldn't bring himself to say "I hope this doesn't bother you, but I can't stand the sound of someone eating right next to me. Would you mind if we didn't get snacks?" then it was on him to sit silently and deal with the munching.

He doesn't get to decide OP's friend isn't allowed to do X just because he doesn't like it. That's why people are saying he was being controlling. Whether his reasoning was popcorn is noisy/unhealthy/smelly/whatever it's not okay for him to take the bag and prevent her from eating it.

And that makes the behavior even more rude in a way.  He doesn't like the sound of other people munching on popcorn, but it's okay for him to eat fistfuls of it? 

[rashea]

To me, it's fine if he had any of the issues suggested. What's not fine is that he couldn't just tell her that. Instead, he exhibited very strange behavior, and deprived her of enjoying something she paid for. Then, after the movie, he couldn't just mention it with a quick explanation? At best, he's bad at communicating, at worst he's a controlling jerk.

[JenJay]

To me, it's fine if he had any of the issues suggested. What's not fine is that he couldn't just tell her that. Instead, he exhibited very strange behavior, and deprived her of enjoying something she paid for. Then, after the movie, he couldn't just mention it with a quick explanation? At best, he's bad at communicating, at worst he's a controlling jerk.

Exactly