Author Topic: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10  (Read 50438 times)

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Snooks

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #135 on: September 16, 2012, 07:05:25 AM »
I hope she made the most of the bottomless frozen yoghurt at Nandos.

Venus193

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #136 on: September 16, 2012, 10:45:18 AM »
I'm coming late to this party, but my gut says this guy is a control freak with the potential to become seriously abusive.

Fly -- do not run -- away.

Any man who takes away food you purchased and begrudges you the right to eat it has more issues than National Geographic.

Danika

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #137 on: September 16, 2012, 03:47:43 PM »
I went to a movie last night and thought of OP's friend as I ate my very buttery popcorn. I'm anxiously awaiting an update.

sourwolf

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #138 on: September 16, 2012, 04:12:22 PM »
I'm coming late to this party, but my gut says this guy is a control freak with the potential to become seriously abusive.

Fly -- do not run -- away.

Any man who takes away food you purchased and begrudges you the right to eat it has more issues than National Geographic.

I think this is a bit of a stretch.  Is the guy a jerk? Definitely seems like it. Would I have accepted a second date? Not a chance.  But it seems overreactive to arm chair diagnos this guy as a potential abuser based just on the posts we have gotten.

greencat

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #139 on: September 16, 2012, 04:41:36 PM »
I'm coming late to this party, but my gut says this guy is a control freak with the potential to become seriously abusive.

Fly -- do not run -- away.

Any man who takes away food you purchased and begrudges you the right to eat it has more issues than National Geographic.

I think this is a bit of a stretch.  Is the guy a jerk? Definitely seems like it. Would I have accepted a second date? Not a chance.  But it seems overreactive to arm chair diagnos this guy as a potential abuser based just on the posts we have gotten.

I have been abused in the past, by more than one man, in more than one way, and this guy is a potential abuser.
1)  Impulse control problems - the scarfing of the popcorn that wasn't his and that he said he didn't want.
2)  He already acted to control her - on the FIRST date, the one where people are usually trying their hardest to act like normal members of society.
3) Besides the overt keep-away thing with the popcorn, the use of social cues (the frowning and weird looks) in order to steer her behavior in the way he finds acceptable are signs of someone who is seriously emotionally manipulative.  That is, what she was doing was perfectly normal, but he reacted to it as though it was socially undesirable behavior, like picking your nose in public, to encourage her to act how he wanted.  Coupled with the quick switch back and forth to the happy-face man, he's got so many "this guy is potentially emotionally abusive" alarms going off he might as well wear a T-shirt.

"Potential abuser" isn't an armchair diagnosis - it's not an illness.  It's not a disease.  It's a set of behaviors that this guy evidenced.  In fact, here's Dear Abby's list of behaviors of abusers: http://www.mywesttexas.com/news/opinion/columns/dear_abby/article_346002db-0f45-576c-8739-84c73eb8570e.html.   This guy hit #3 and to some degree #13 (mood swings, although not to the extreme of violence) on the very first date.

Only me

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #140 on: September 16, 2012, 06:57:24 PM »
Hi

I also am waiting to read what happened. Very interested in an update.

Onlyme

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #141 on: September 16, 2012, 09:31:01 PM »
I agree this guy has great potential to be an abuser.  Such strange and controlling behaviour on a first date, I can only imagine what would happen when he feels he has her in is power and control. 

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #142 on: September 16, 2012, 09:43:32 PM »
I agree this guy has great potential to be an abuser.  Such strange and controlling behaviour on a first date, I can only imagine what would happen when he feels he has her in is power and control.

absolutely.  i'm not going straight to abuser.  not all controlling individuals are necessarily abusers.

i do wonder if there would have been a second date, from his standpoint, if frog's friend had actually picked up her popcorn and taken it home, after he told her to leave it.  that would have been an indication to him that she would not listen, and might not be susceptible to "control". 

Nora

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #143 on: September 17, 2012, 05:46:13 AM »
I do hope she eats in front of him. If he flips: controlling nutcase. If he doesn't: maybe just the worlds most awkward man.
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

Morticia

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #144 on: September 17, 2012, 08:47:56 AM »
I keep thinking he sneezed on the popcorn, but didn't have the guts to admit it.
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squashedfrog

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #145 on: September 17, 2012, 09:33:15 AM »
Update is coming guys, just need to write up our convo from the Friday night  Quick pre amble - utterly impressed with friend.  The date was cut short, as she called me from her house in the process of her second gin and tonic with her housemate.   And no, she won’t be seeing him again! As soon as I get a chance I will upload the full story.

Twik

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #146 on: September 17, 2012, 09:53:22 AM »
Ooooh! Now I'm getting popcorn - sounds good!
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Yvaine

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #147 on: September 17, 2012, 10:02:58 AM »
I keep thinking he sneezed on the popcorn, but didn't have the guts to admit it.

Oh, now that would be a funny twist. Sounds like a Seinfeld episode.

Cz. Burrito

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #148 on: September 17, 2012, 10:30:23 AM »
Ooooh! Now I'm getting popcorn - sounds good!

Oh boy!  I'm stealing your bucket of popcorn and stuffing handfuls of it in my mouth when you're not looking.

squashedfrog

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Re: First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8
« Reply #149 on: September 17, 2012, 10:36:23 AM »
UPDATE: THIS IS VERY LONG SORRY.  As told to me over G&T.

So, as you know, the plan was she would go to the gym, meet him in Nandos then go for a few drinks at one of the local pubs.  She arrives, everything friendly, chit chat, get seated, and look through menus. 

He tells her he will buy dinner as he asked her out, and proceeds to suggest that they have a type of Nandos meal, with one side order each.  Friend says actually she is back from the gym and is starving so fancies a bit more, especially before the pub, and was looking at the meal with two sides as she fancies garlic bread with it.  She says she is happy to pay for hers. 

So yep, you guessed it, he starts to frown and asks why she needs two sides(??).    He then tells her that that is “totally defeating the object of going down the gym, as what’s the point in doing all that exercise if you are just going to pig out afterwards?”  (not sure if those the exact words, but the phrase pig out was definitely used!)

 She says he is smiling when he says this she give a big smile back. She says something like I go to the gym so I can eat what I want, end of discussion I’ll buy us dinner and you can get the first round in the pub?”   He protests and says perhaps they can share another side or something, she says nope its all good, smiles and hops up to pays for both (she said she swears she was almost doing this to get his reaction!).

When she gets back to the table apparently he is all smiles again.  He makes conversation and at one point asks her about her gym as he is looking for one.  She tells him a bit about it and says she is with a personal trainer (PT) there.  He asks her if she runs.  She says she doesn’t (knee injury and surgery) and is with the PT to build fitness back up safely.  He then tells her that running is the quickest way to burn fat and calories and is the best form of exercise in the gym (something like as you only get a short time in the gym it maximises your workout).

She repeats about the knee injury, and says she’s fine with the PT schedule.  He then interrupts with “well, any he can’t be a good PT for the money as he doesn’t sound like he’s pushing you and that’s what they are supposed to do, he SHOULD be telling you about upping your game and getting you running”.

They are in the middle of food at this point and she says it was a fork down moment, but she didn’t snap and was chuffed she stayed calm. She told him that she really didn’t think that was his concern, as she had already said she was happy with both her professional PT as it was her money to spend, as she was with her choice of food. 

She also said that she noticed he seemed to have a preoccupation with what she was eating on both occasions they had met up and that he needed to get over it if they were to remain friends.  (I personally like the way she slipped friends in the there, as she said he’d already kicked himself off of the dating table by then!)

It this point she said she thinks he started to back peddle a bit, and apologized if she misinterpreted his advice (NB this to me is NOT an apology!).  She said that they finished dinner in an awkward way and then she made the excuse that she was tired and needed to head home.   She reckons he seemed bummed, but was polite and they said goodbye.

She got home, he calls her from the pub and apologized again, and admitted that he could be ‘funny’ about things like food, that his last girlfriend had put on 4 stone in the 6 years they had been together and he hated watching her do that to herself and that she never listened to him, and that he” felt helpless watching her do it to herself”. 

Here’s the kicker, he then tells friend that as it’s only been 3 months since they split up, its still raw in his mind.  As friend and he have been talking for 5 weeks, and he had repeatedly previously told her he had been using dating sites for 5-6 months...well, do the maths!

She I think was more polite than I would have been, but saw her chance to spring herself from the situation.  She told him she didn’t think he was completely over his ex, and that they shouldn’t really see each other again and wished him the best.  She then cracked open the gin with housemate and called me later!

So yep, bullet dodged we reckon.