First Date Popcorn Hoarding? What do you think? more info 16 update pg 8, 10

[Piratelvr1121]

Yeah I don't trust guys who say that.

[Danika]

Yeah I don't trust guys who say that.

It's a sketchy litmus test. When I first started dating my DH, he said that to me that "women don't like nice guys. They're only attracted to jerks." It set off all alarms in my head, but we'd known each other for years and so I took a chance dating him anyway. He's fantastic and we've been married nearly 10 years now. So there are some nice guys out there who subscribe to this too, but most jerks use the line to gain sympathy.

[Piratelvr1121]

I can't really rely on my own dating past, as DH was the only one I've had a relationship with (the rest were just 1-2 dates without even a kiss shared) . 

But based on what I've seen friends deal with, and some guy friends who have spouted this line and then turned out to be jerks, I'd be very hesitant to date them myself.  One guy who called himself a "nice guy" also would go on and on about how chivalrous he thought he was, and how a woman should be treated like a queen, etc. etc.

His wife is divorcing him now cause apparently he thinks emotional manipulation is the best way to treat your queen.

[Yvaine]

His wife is divorcing him now cause apparently he thinks emotional manipulation is the best way to treat your queen.

It seems to me that many men who advocate "treating women like queens" are taking their relationship advice from Henry VIII.

[jedikaiti]

His wife is divorcing him now cause apparently he thinks emotional manipulation is the best way to treat your queen.

It seems to me that many men who advocate "treating women like queens" are taking their relationship advice from Henry VIII.

CRUD MONKEYS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You won today's internet.

[Piratelvr1121]

His wife is divorcing him now cause apparently he thinks emotional manipulation is the best way to treat your queen.

It seems to me that many men who advocate "treating women like queens" are taking their relationship advice from Henry VIII.

CRUD MONKEYS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You won today's internet.

DING DING DING!! We have a winner!!  Tell the good woman what she's won!

[violinp]

His wife is divorcing him now cause apparently he thinks emotional manipulation is the best way to treat your queen.

It seems to me that many men who advocate "treating women like queens" are taking their relationship advice from Henry VIII.

CRUD MONKEYS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You won today's internet.

Applause! Applause all around!

[greencat]

My ex kept telling me that he wanted to treat me like gold, and that I was the most precious and amazing thing he'd ever had.

Given the context of this thread, is it any surprise that he mostly just treated me like a spoiled teenager treats his mother (give me money to spend on things! give me rides - because either his car was not working, or because he was going to be drinking too much to be driving), and put me absolutely last on the priority list for his time?

[blarg314]

Yeah I don't trust guys who say that.

It's a sketchy litmus test. When I first started dating my DH, he said that to me that "women don't like nice guys. They're only attracted to jerks." It set off all alarms in my head, but we'd known each other for years and so I took a chance dating him anyway. He's fantastic and we've been married nearly 10 years now. So there are some nice guys out there who subscribe to this too, but most jerks use the line to gain sympathy.

I've found that there are people (men and women) who are really nice, and make great partners/spouses when matched with the right person, but who have real trouble *finding* that right person. Some are shy or a bit awkward, or late social bloomers, some need someone who 'gets' them and their outlook on life. Some are simply unique people who fall outside what is considered mainstream and desirable in a partner in more external things, but are great in the more internal things (commitment, treating someone right, responsibility). Geeky girls and effeminate straight men, for example, can have a hard time on the dating scene.

Then there are the guys who *aren't* nice. They think they're such an amazing catch that women should be falling all over themselves to be with them, and when that doesn't happen (usually to one or more whopping flaws) it's obviously the fault of those witches.

And there's an intermediate stage. Guys who are reasonable nice guys, maybe with a few quirks. But they have bad dating skills, and scare off women who would actually be interested in the person behind it. So they get angry and disillusioned because they don't understand why they aren't succeeding.

I have a colleague who I think is drifting into the last category. He's a nice guy, and really wants a girlfriend, but I have a feeling he's scaring off women by being too intense and focussed on that goal. Plus, he has trouble grasping that while *he* knows he's not a creepy stalker dude, the women he's chatting up don't, and he has to adapt his style so he doesn't give that impression, even if the motives behind his behaviour are innocent.

[Piratelvr1121]

My ex kept telling me that he wanted to treat me like gold, and that I was the most precious and amazing thing he'd ever had.

Given the context of this thread, is it any surprise that he mostly just treated me like a spoiled teenager treats his mother (give me money to spend on things! give me rides - because either his car was not working, or because he was going to be drinking too much to be driving), and put me absolutely last on the priority list for his time?

Wow, if I didn't know any better I'd think you were my friend who's divorcing her ex! He was kinda like this too.  She held the purse strings cause he couldn't be trusted with much money.  He'd either spend it on drinks or board games, or computer/video games.  He relied on her to tell him when he needed to check his blood sugar (diabetic type 1) but then would whine like a little kid and insist he was FINE when she'd encourage him to check.

She used to say she felt like she was his mother, especially since he worked pt, usually about the same amount of hours a teen still attending school does, sometimes even less, while she supported him.   It didn't help when he got fired for drinking on the job years ago, thus making it even harder for him to get hired elsewhere.

[wendelenn]

His wife is divorcing him now cause apparently he thinks emotional manipulation is the best way to treat your queen.

It seems to me that many men who advocate "treating women like queens" are taking their relationship advice from Henry VIII.

Yvaine, I hope you don't mind this. . . I just loved your line! (had to make it a teensy bit shorter)

[VorFemme]

His wife is divorcing him now cause apparently he thinks emotional manipulation is the best way to treat your queen.

It seems to me that many men who advocate "treating women like queens" are taking their relationship advice from Henry VIII.

Yvaine, I hope you don't mind this. . . I just loved your line! (had to make it a teensy bit shorter)

Well, this is going right up there with the "No snakes in a restaurant" graphic someone did a while back (wonder if there is still a link to that one?)!

[Sterling]

I actually wonder if the girl friend who gained the weight (my my calculations around 55 lbs) was actually extremely underweight when they started dating.  I can see a woman being 30lbs underweight due to an eating disorder and gaining that much weight yet still being in a healthy range.  This type of attitude can make it difficult for a woman to recover from an eating disorder.  Also makes me wonder if as part of her recovery she ditched him an his poor little ego couldn't take the "fat girl" ditching him.

[greencat]

I actually wonder if the girl friend who gained the weight (my my calculations around 55 lbs) was actually extremely underweight when they started dating.  I can see a woman being 30lbs underweight due to an eating disorder and gaining that much weight yet still being in a healthy range.  This type of attitude can make it difficult for a woman to recover from an eating disorder.  Also makes me wonder if as part of her recovery she ditched him an his poor little ego couldn't take the "fat girl" ditching him.

You can be 30 lbs underweight and not have an eating disorder - just a fast metabolism.  I was thrilled when my metabolism started to slow down and food turned into body mass like it was supposed to...

[SoCalVal]

yeah, sometimes the things I read here make me too scared to get out there and date at all.  But then I remind myself that few people will post just to say how awesome their SO is as there is no etiquette dilemma there 

I'll also chime in that DF is pretty awesome.  He's not perfect, but the little things haven't been enough to be deal-breakers.  There actually have been several etiquette dilemmas, but I find I can figure those ones out myself and work them out with him.