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Author Topic: Unknowingly rubbing salt in my wounds -- Long, sorry!  (Read 3638 times)

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Unknowingly rubbing salt in my wounds -- Long, sorry!
« on: September 13, 2012, 10:12:42 AM »
I basically participated in a 9 week long interview this summer.  I won't go into details for privacy purposes, but I recently found out that there was a lot of shady things happening behind the scenes that neither I nor the other intern in my department were aware of.  Neither of us received an offer, 2 of 3 people in a program of almost 30 people- the other reject being a person who turned in only 1 assignment on time, and often skipped or arrived late to the social events.  We had no similar problems and our respective CDOs are horrified  - I say this only to point out that the way we were treated was not normal and completely unexpected.  Normally, this employer has an insanely good % of offers and is well known for that amongst students, like 24/25 got offers last year.  Needless to say, I am devastated to the point of finding myself crying without realizing it and having a great deal of difficulty sleeping.

In the last day or so (just one day after I started learning the outcome and all the crazy things that had happened), two people have asked directly and indirectly.  Now, these are friends-ish-ish-ish, but not people I would ever confide in or spend time with alone.  One asked, "Are you all set to go back to StateWJob after graduation?"  Which is basically the indirect way of askign whether you got an offer.  luckily that was over an online chat program so I didn't have to worry about my facial expression.  I said "Nope, not really sure what I'm going to be doing." And then I excused myself from the conversation. 

Then another girl contacted me today through chat (and she is notorious for nosiness, the one from my thread on grades/Todd&Jenny).  She had been stopping me in the hallway and kept saying we should hang out.  I am polite, but us not having spent time together in a long time is no accident on my part.  She didn't bother to be indirect, but after an initial quick line about class goes, "Random, but have you heard from Employer yet?"  Sigh. RavensFan, who I told immediately as she is beyond trustworthy, saw and told me that it was ok to just say that "I still don't know what I'm doing right now."  And cautioned me against telling this girl as she would drop it into every conversation she has with anyone.  I don't know why she does this about anything remotely interesting that she hears, but it is pretty well established that she will. She responds, "Ah ok, I was just curious" - It is none of your business!! is all I could think.

No one else is talking about their results from the summer and I don't want my situation to fill the vacuum of law school gossip.  Plus I seriously worry that I might start crying if I talk about it with people- I found out at the beginning of this week which is so incredibly busy that I just haven't had time to process or grieve or get over it, so it is all bottled up until bits and pieces leak out. 

My question is, what should I say going forward?  I didn't get an offer, I'm not trying to hide it and I couldn't if I wanted to - this is going to become obvious when I'm still job searching a month from now and haven't said anything about being happy about an offer from the summer.  I just had hoped that people would connect the dots from me not bringing it up and just not ask (most people seem to be taking this approach).  I don't want to talk about it and rehash what happened, I need to move forward.  History has taught me that the second girl at least will not let it go - she is impossible to shake when she wants to know something.  Any advice?  I can't keep saying that I don't know what I'm doing yet.  If I say I don't want to talk about it, she'll just run and tell everyone how upset I am.  (Yes, I recognize that I've had this same problem with this girl multiple times, but I can't completely avoid interacting with her while we are at school together).  I just need some space while I pull myself together.   


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Re: Unknowingly rubbing salt in my wounds -- Long, sorry!
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2012, 10:43:36 AM »
I think the response that you are still not sure what you are doing next summer is the best idea.  There are a few reasons - 1) they don't need to know the details and 2) if someone who does know the details hears that you are not gossiping and blabbing about the details you will look even better. 

I'm really sorry this happened to you. 
"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol


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Re: Unknowingly rubbing salt in my wounds -- Long, sorry!
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2012, 10:45:02 AM »
Having been a summer and evaluated summers - don't take it personally.  Also, take this as your first lesson in spin - you will need it to survive as a lawyer in private practice.  Dig deep, big sugary smile, and say how great the summer was, how much you learned, and how you are looking at clerkships (even if you aren't) and you're so lucky that you're getting all these opportunities to pursue, and this summer gave you a chance to develop mentoring relationships and your mentor(s) are really helping you develop a plan for your practice.

Law school is worse than high school.  Law firms descend to worse than middle school.  All you can do is be in charge of your own destiny.

Feel free to pm if you ever want to talk law firm recruiting issues.


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Re: Unknowingly rubbing salt in my wounds -- Long, sorry!
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2012, 10:50:23 AM »
She responds, "Ah ok, I was just curious"

Smile sweetly and say "Oh yes. I know you are ... curious. I'll be sure to let you know once I finalize my plans, so you don't have to keep asking." the italics is optional. Then bean-dip or excuse yourself from the conversation.

Then if she brings it up again, remind her that you said you'd let her know.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
Walt Whitman


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Re: Unknowingly rubbing salt in my wounds -- Long, sorry!
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2012, 10:59:08 AM »
I would say "It turns out Employer and I weren't a good fit. Truthfully, I'm looking forward to other opportunities. How are things with you?" When people press for the gossip behind why you weren't offered a spot you can say something like "It wouldn't be appropriate for me to talk about, I don't know all of the details and I still have contacts there." You'll remain ultra professional and it'll drive the gossips crazy!  >:D


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Re: Unknowingly rubbing salt in my wounds -- Long, sorry!
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2012, 12:27:24 PM »
All you need to say is your looking at lots of options and haven't made a final decision.  Don't comment about whether you have heard from intern company yet as they will most likely believe if you say you havent heard from them that you are lying.

Sorry you are going through this.  Hope it turns out for the better for you.