Author Topic: S/O commands disguised as a question  (Read 3464 times)

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Garden Goblin

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S/O commands disguised as a question
« on: September 13, 2012, 01:42:33 PM »
That thread reminded me of a situation that occurred when my mother came by to visit.

I asked my son, 'do you want a bath?'

My mother started going off on, 'just tell him, don't ask him, tell him, you are the boss'

My response at the time was not particularly polite.  The boy had a bath the night before and hadn't done anything to get dirty enough that day for a bath to be mandatory, so I actually was asking him if he wanted one rather than telling him he had to take one. 

Any better ideas for polite responses?

EmmaJ.

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2012, 01:54:53 PM »
As another poster recently said, it's hard for moms to step out of their Mom Role.

Just simply tell her (kindly and sincerely), "Thank you mom, but in this case I really was asking Little Gnome if he wanted a bath.  Since he's not dirty, it's his choice tonight."

That shows your son he has some control in this issue and that his opinion is important, and tells your mom you have his best interests in mind, and it also reminds her that you're a mom now too.

Sharnita

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2012, 02:02:58 PM »
Last night's bath was to get clean - tonight  I am offering an optional bath for fun.

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2012, 02:09:52 PM »
And I'd also say: "Please don't contradict me in front of my son!"


LeveeWoman

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2012, 02:16:05 PM »
And I'd also say: "Please don't contradict me in front of my son!"

AMEN!

mlkind1789

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2012, 02:19:57 PM »
And I'd also say: "Please don't contradict me in front of my son!"

AMEN!

I finally broke my mother of that habit after a couple of times of telling her "You've had your turn to parent and I think I turned out ok, now it is my turn."  It might not be the most polite, but it worked for us.

ddawn23

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2012, 04:47:40 PM »
And I'd also say: "Please don't contradict me in front of my son!"

Just tell her.  Don't give her a please.  Just tell her.  You're the boss.  >:D

Jaelle

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2012, 05:18:38 PM »
Even if it wasn't an optional bath, there really wasn't anything wrong with it. I know I've phrased mostly nonoptional things in the form of a question to my sons before, just because that's how it came out. If they said "No," I shrugged and said, "Tough!" with a grin.  >:D

In a slightly related note, I once had a perfect stranger scold me in the grocery store over issuing (minor) reprimands/instructions to the boys with a "please" attached. ("DS1, please put that back; we don't need cookies this week." "DS2, please stop badgering your brother.")

"You're the boss!" she told.  ::)

Well, yes, but with minor stuff there's no reason not to use "please" with it; for the first comment, anyway. I want them to use the word; I should as well.
“She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.”
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Judah

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2012, 05:37:22 PM »
In a slightly related note, I once had a perfect stranger scold me in the grocery store over issuing (minor) reprimands/instructions to the boys with a "please" attached. ("DS1, please put that back; we don't need cookies this week." "DS2, please stop badgering your brother.")

"You're the boss!" she told.  ::)

Well, yes, but with minor stuff there's no reason not to use "please" with it; for the first comment, anyway. I want them to use the word; I should as well.

I see no reason not to use "please" when issuing a command.  Even my boss uses "please" when telling me what to do. 
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

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sourwolf

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #9 on: September 13, 2012, 05:38:49 PM »
In a slightly related note, I once had a perfect stranger scold me in the grocery store over issuing (minor) reprimands/instructions to the boys with a "please" attached. ("DS1, please put that back; we don't need cookies this week." "DS2, please stop badgering your brother.")

"You're the boss!" she told.  ::)

Well, yes, but with minor stuff there's no reason not to use "please" with it; for the first comment, anyway. I want them to use the word; I should as well.

I see no reason not to use "please" when issuing a command.  Even my boss uses "please" when telling me what to do.

I agree, it's a lot nicer than just barking out orders.

Amava

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #10 on: September 13, 2012, 05:49:22 PM »
Even if it wasn't an optional bath, there really wasn't anything wrong with it. I know I've phrased mostly nonoptional things in the form of a question to my sons before, just because that's how it came out. If they said "No," I shrugged and said, "Tough!" with a grin.  >:D

In a slightly related note, I once had a perfect stranger scold me in the grocery store over issuing (minor) reprimands/instructions to the boys with a "please" attached. ("DS1, please put that back; we don't need cookies this week." "DS2, please stop badgering your brother.")

"You're the boss!" she told.  ::)

Well, yes, but with minor stuff there's no reason not to use "please" with it; for the first comment, anyway. I want them to use the word; I should as well.

"I teach them basic manners," I would have replied, "such as using please and thank you and not butting into other people's business."  :P

VorFemme

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #11 on: September 13, 2012, 06:17:52 PM »
I used to get much faster response from the commander's secretary than he did - because, as he put it "The Lieutenant says 'please' when she asks me if I could type this before lunch and he just throws it at me."

I had someone else tell me that I didn't HAVE to say "please pass the peas" anymore because I was an adult and I could say what I wanted.  I told him that I got better results from "please don't pass me the peas" than "keep your F*&^%$ nasty peas to yourself!"

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ddawn23

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2012, 01:05:58 AM »
Even if it wasn't an optional bath, there really wasn't anything wrong with it. I know I've phrased mostly nonoptional things in the form of a question to my sons before, just because that's how it came out. If they said "No," I shrugged and said, "Tough!" with a grin.  >:D

In a slightly related note, I once had a perfect stranger scold me in the grocery store over issuing (minor) reprimands/instructions to the boys with a "please" attached. ("DS1, please put that back; we don't need cookies this week." "DS2, please stop badgering your brother.")

"You're the boss!" she told.  ::)

Well, yes, but with minor stuff there's no reason not to use "please" with it; for the first comment, anyway. I want them to use the word; I should as well.

"I teach them basic manners," I would have replied, "such as using please and thank you and not butting into other people's business."  :P

I was kidding.  It was my (somewhat inartful  :-[) attempt to turn OP's mother's words back on OP's mother.  Of course you'd say please.  In fact, in my opinion it would be both impolite and disrespectful to omit the please when speaking to one's mother.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2012, 01:20:35 AM by ddawn23 »

bopper

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #13 on: September 14, 2012, 09:09:05 AM »
On the other hand, you are letting your son know in some cases bathing is optional.  Is he ready to understand that sometimes it isn't and sometimes it is? or is it better just to say Bath Time! or not say anything.

Yvaine

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Re: S/O commands disguised as a question
« Reply #14 on: September 14, 2012, 10:56:59 AM »
On the other hand, you are letting your son know in some cases bathing is optional.  Is he ready to understand that sometimes it isn't and sometimes it is? or is it better just to say Bath Time! or not say anything.

I imagine that when it's not optional, she phrases it in a more firm manner.