go to his boss or go to his wife

[mom2four]

During the first half of this year I did some work for a government ministry. This work involved a number of trips to another European country. On each trip I was accompanied by Larry who is an emplyee of this ministry and who acted as my assistant in this work.  I am not. I always let Larry pay for plane tickets and hotels as could get the ministry to do the bookings and pay with his government credit card.

On the last trip in June we had meetings on Monday and Tuesday and I decided to go on Friday and bring my son for a weekend in this nice city. This meant I had to pay for two nights in the hotel and my son's plane ticket so I wanted to book them myself to get them cheaper. I asked Larry several times if this would be a problem and he said it was okay and the ministry would reimburse my ticket and the last two hotel nights. The amount is about 600 $.

After the meeting he told me that he needed to find out which forms I would have to sign to get my expences reimbursed and that he would get back to me. I sent him an email reminding him of this and wrote that I would be on holiday all of July so it could wait till I got back. When I was back in August i sent him several emails and tried to call him put I get no replies. It is not unusual for him to not reply. He is a nice guy who tends to take on more work than he can handle. However this is getting annoying.

Under other circumstances I would go to his boss whom I frequently meet professionally. However, my problem is that Larry's wife is an old friend. We usually meet a couple of times a year and go out to eat but we don't talk often other than that. I met her on the train last week where we talked briefly so I know that Larry is not sick or unavailable for other reasons.

I think that my friend would find it hard to forgive if I went to Larrys boss - or even wrote to him and threatened to do so - so I have been thinking about asking her to get Larry to get in touch with me. However, it feels a bit strange to ask someone to interfere in a work relationship with their husband. What would you do?

Background information that may be important: When I first met Larry's wife 20 years ago we were both just starting out in our profession and at the same level. I have been promoted several times since then while both she and Larry have been passed over and are now unlikely ever to reach a higher level professionally. In her view they have been treated unfairly in this regard. I agree that she has been treated unfairly. I don't agree concerning Larry though I've never told her so.

[siamesecat2965]

I'd leave his wife out of it as other than being a friend of yours, she has nothing to do with your job.  I'd try one more time to contact him, and if he still doesn't respond, contact his boss.  This is a business relationsh*p, not personal, and you should be reimbursed for your job-related expenses.  If she gets upset that you "went over his head" simply say that he wasn't getting back to you in a timely fashion, and you needed this reimbursement, which is why you went to his boss.

[Only me]

In the past communications, have you mentioned going up higher to get the information?

[Hmmmmm]

This is what I'd do:

I'd send Larry a note saying "Larry, following up again on the epense reimbursement.  Obviously you are overwhelmed with work right now but I must have the reimbursement completed by month end.  By Monday, please send me the forms or a different contact name with whom I can work to get this completed.  Talk to you soon."

Then if Monday comes and goes with no response call his wife and say "I've been trying to get in touch with Larry and no response and I became concerned.  Is he out ill?"  When she says no, say "Oh, that's odd, he hasn't gotten back to me in two months about a reimbursement.  Maybe it's not his area.  I'll give a call to "name of his boss".  Glad to hear Larry is ok."

If still no response in two days, then I'd go to his boss.

[artk2002]

I would leave his wife out of it. This is a business issue so you send him the note now saying "I need that information by X date." Send another 2 days before the deadline. On the deadline (assuming he hasn't come through) send a further note and copy his boss.

[cicero]

This is what I'd do:

I'd send Larry a note saying "Larry, following up again on the epense reimbursement.  Obviously you are overwhelmed with work right now but I must have the reimbursement completed by month end.  By Monday, please send me the forms or a different contact name with whom I can work to get this completed.  Talk to you soon."

Then if Monday comes and goes with no response call his wife and say  "I've been trying to get in touch with Larry and no response and I became concerned.  Is he out ill?"  When she says no, say "Oh, that's odd, he hasn't gotten back to me in two months about a reimbursement.  Maybe it's not his area.  I'll give a call to "name of his boss".  Glad to hear Larry is ok."
then contact his boss.

another thought - does the ministry have an office, office manager, accounting dept, etc? can you call someone there and find out what you need to do?

[O'Dell]

I think that my friend would find it hard to forgive if I went to Larrys boss - or even wrote to him and threatened to do so - so I have been thinking about asking her to get Larry to get in touch with me. However, it feels a bit strange to ask someone to interfere in a work relationship with their husband. What would you do?

Consider this...if she takes work stuff that personally, then maybe there really is a reason that she's passed over for promotion. 

You only speak to her a couple of times a year? I say contact his boss.

If you spoke to her frequently and could have casually asked her to have Larry call you during a personal conversation, then my answer might be different. But to make a special effort to contact her hoping that she'll get your work colleague to contact you? That's silly, IMO.

[camlan]

For something like this, you need to pretend that you don't know his wife at all. What would you do in that case? Contact Larry one more time, then escalate to his boss? Then do that.

You need to keep this businesslike and not draw your friend into a business matter. There are other options for you to pursue to get your money. Use them.

[bopper]

If I was Larry's wife, I could
1) Think it odd you're asking me because what do I have to do with it?
2) but if I did want to be in the middle of it, and would get mad because although my husband is not responding to something and you escalated....would you really want to be my friend?

[MrTango]

Talk to his boss.  It's a work-related issue, and there's no reason to involve his wife in a business matter.

[kckgirl]

Isn't there any office at the ministry that you can call to find out how to get an expense reimbursed? I doubt that you must go through Larry to get it done.

[Bluenomi]

This is a work related issue, I wouldn't bring the wife into it at all.

Try Larry again, if you don't get an answer go straight to someone else. You aren't dobbing him in, you are just trying to get something done. It's business issue, the wife shouldn't be getting upset that you are trying to do your job. If she does have an issue, that is her problem

[blarg314]

I would definitely not bring his wife into it. Give him one more chance to reply promptly, and then go to his boss.

If his wife is mad because you wanted a reimbursement for travel (not at her husband because he is slacking on the job) then it's her problem. It's generally not a good idea to bring a colleague's spouse into a purely job related issue - it could make you look unprofessional.

[Lexophile]

You are likely going to have to contact his boss anyway. If you wait on Larry and his wife, they might get the impression that you don't think the reimbursement is that important.

[DavidH]

In general, I wouldn't bring a spouse into the work conversation.  The most I might ever do is say something like, I haven't seen Larry in a while at work, has he been out or traveling?  If she said no, he's been at work, I'd reply along the lines of, we must keep missing eachother, I really must track him down, putting it on me to find him.  I wouldn't go into why or anything like that since it seems like overstepping the boundary. 

I'd also leave him a voice mail and an email at work saying that I need the forms by X date or I will have to escalate the matter.