Author Topic: Sino-British romantic minefield?  (Read 6456 times)

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TamJamB

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Re: Sino-British romantic minefield?
« Reply #15 on: September 15, 2012, 11:33:22 AM »
Now what the heck? Both my posts have vanished!  Is there a glitch in the board?

cabbageweevil

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Re: Sino-British romantic minefield?
« Reply #16 on: September 16, 2012, 09:04:38 AM »
Just to make sure I have it clear:

Your brother has a flirtatious relationship with a Chinese lady from his work, but he is not sure if her signals are true flirtation or due to cultural differences. He is also concerned about the possible consequences of dating someone from work.

Is that what you're asking about?
Sorry -- I'm not very good at expressing myself, re which I've at times got in trouble on eHell.
Hope that the following may clarify rather than confuse -- though, knowing my track record...

Yes -- her signals seem (to him) positive; but he's not sure whether that means, she's genuinely interested -- or whether it's some Chinese thing whereby she's not supposed to be totally plain and candid about conveying straightforwardly, "I'm not interested".

As "MY cat..." says -- her being a coworker is not an issue. Brother knows the potential perils of that, and "has it covered".

Moray -- please see this post.

cabbageweevil

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Re: Sino-British romantic minefield?
« Reply #17 on: September 16, 2012, 09:05:46 AM »
Thanks all, for thoughts -- which will duly be relayed to brother.

TheBardess

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Re: Sino-British romantic minefield?
« Reply #18 on: September 16, 2012, 08:22:18 PM »
Now what the heck? Both my posts have vanished!  Is there a glitch in the board?

TamJam- was it my post, the one which you had quoted? One that I wrote in this thread seems to be missing as well, though since then, many other posters have expressed the same sentiments which I did, so I have felt no need to further reply.
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bopper

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Re: Sino-British romantic minefield?
« Reply #19 on: September 21, 2012, 04:58:59 PM »
He should arrange for an after work outing with a group of people. He should personally ask her..."A bunch of us are going to the pub to celebrate <event> tonight, will you be able to join us?"    See if she goes.

White Lotus

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Re: Sino-British romantic minefield?
« Reply #20 on: September 23, 2012, 05:15:50 PM »
Just because she's Chinese doesn't mean much.  Is she traditional?  Modern?  Progrssive?  Anglicized?  What?  I would suggest that she might not be comfortable with couple d@ting until she was serious enough to have him meet the 'rents, and that would be very serious indeed, practically engaged.  Try a group, as was suggested.  If she comes, ask her again.  Talk to her generally about HER culture -- where is she from, exactly; what kind of Chinese (there are many) she is; what were her schools like?  Where she lived was it unusual for people to go to university, and so much more.
Don't worry.  Either way, she'll let him know, but he should BOLO subtle, tactful, face saving signs, because that is all he is likely to get, either way.

Ceallach

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Re: Sino-British romantic minefield?
« Reply #21 on: September 26, 2012, 01:53:03 AM »
Just because she's Chinese doesn't mean much.  Is she traditional?  Modern?  Progrssive?  Anglicized?  What?  I would suggest that she might not be comfortable with couple d@ting until she was serious enough to have him meet the 'rents, and that would be very serious indeed, practically engaged.  Try a group, as was suggested.  If she comes, ask her again.  Talk to her generally about HER culture -- where is she from, exactly; what kind of Chinese (there are many) she is; what were her schools like?  Where she lived was it unusual for people to go to university, and so much more.
Don't worry.  Either way, she'll let him know, but he should BOLO subtle, tactful, face saving signs, because that is all he is likely to get, either way.

This. Exactly. 

My youngest brother is dating a woman from China (recent immigrant, still owns a home over there etc but moved here for work).   Their relationship started normally, e.g. one person asking the other person on a date.   There are definitely cultural differences, and occasionally the odd issue that impacts on their relationship and on our family (it's been awhile now).   However, to be honest we have similar issues with my other brother's girlfriend who is from the same country as us!   She was raised in a very different way, and has a different "culture" even though her ethnicity and ours match.  Where values and expectations differ is where there can be issues, and that isn't necessarily related to their ethnicity.  People are people.

Trying to do research on a particular culture to work out how to date them seems very over the top to me.   I think he's better off being nice and direct, and then if she rejects his outright advance be very careful not to overstep the boundary in future (as that will indicate that it was in fact just her being nice and not flirtation as he had thought).    But if he wants to learn more about her and her culture the best way is by getting to know her better, the same as he presumably would with any other woman. 
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"